New York, I Love You
by PJ XD
Summary: Growing up in small-town Texas is stifling for Jasper Hale, the quarterback who longs to get out of his stuck life and see what else is out there. Jasper wants to shake things up, but ends up with more than he bargained for when the witty, cultured and enigmatic Edward Cullen comes to town. Little does he know that his whole world is about to be turned on its head. E/J SLASH AH OOC
1. Prologue: March

**A/N - Okay, so this is my very first attempt at an Edward/Jasper slash fic. Trying my hand at it, but I'm not sure how it's going to turn out. I fancied the challenge, though, and it is one of my favorite non-canon ships. **

**This story is rated M, because it does contain strong language, sexual scenes, and yada yada yada. **

**So... AH boy meets boy. **

**(Insert usual disclaimer here)**

* * *

_**Prologue**_

_**March**_

_I'm such a fuckin' asshole. _

I sit there. Play with the fries on my plate. Try to ignore his eyes burning a hole in my head.

Those green eyes that see everything.

And they're watching me now, and I don't know what they're seeing.

I open my mouth. Search for words.

_I'm sorry. _

I can feel them, sitting there on my tongue. Willing me to say them.

I don't.

Nervously, I glance up. I don't meet his eyes.

He's got his arms crossed over his chest, and I can see the bottom edge of his tattoo where the short sleeve of his t-shirt has ridden up.

He's clicking the ball of his tongue piercing against his teeth. I can hear the tap, tap, tapping sound every time the metal hits the enamel.

_Fuckin' say somethin', _I chide myself. _Don't be such a pussy. _

But I carry right on being a pussy, because I drop my gaze back to my plate without meeting his eyes.

Then, out of nowhere, he's speaking, in that Yankee accent of his that somehow makes even the most accusatory words sound smooth and unruffled. "Are you really just gonna sit there and not say anything?"

I open my mouth. Search for words.

"I don't know what to say," I mumble.

Except that's a fucking lie.

I know exactly what to say, but I can't say it.

He knows it, too.

"That's never stopped you before."

_I'm sorry. _That's what he wants to hear. That's what I want to say.

But somehow, I still don't.

"You know," he continues. "I thought you were actually different from all the other cretins in this fucking town. I guess I was wrong."

The words pierce me like knives. I _am_ different. I'm _not_ like the others. I'm more different than even _he_ has given me credit for in the past.

But I still don't say anything.

He exhales, loudly, through his nose. "Fucking say something, Jasper."

_I'm such a fuckin' asshole. I'm so sorry. _The words are right there. All I have to do is spit them out, and everything will go back to the way it should be. He won't be cutting me with his gaze. He'll grin. I'll grin. We'll be normal.

I don't say it.

He stands up. Scrapes back his chair. Braces his hands on the table and leans down.

I look at him, then, and I wish I hadn't. The clean lines of his face are set into a rigid expression. Impassive, almost.

But those green eyes blaze with fury when they stare into mine. We're having another one of our conversations where we don't actually speak out loud.

He doesn't say; _I can't believe you'd do this._

And I don't say back; _please understand._

And he doesn't say; _why can't you just apologize?_

And I don't say; _I don't know. _

"Fine, then." He's quiet now. Scary-calm. I hate it when he goes scary-calm. It's like standing in the eye of a storm, just waiting for it to finally come crashing down around you.

It's never been directed at me, before. It fucking hurts that it is right now.

"Fine, then," he repeats. "I thought we were friends, but clearly, I was wrong. Friends don't do what you did. And, even if they do, then they _at least_ have the fucking _balls_ to apologize for it."

Finally, finally, I get some words out, but they aren't the ones I was hoping for. "You're right."

His eyes are green fire. "I'm right? That's it? That's all you've got to say for yourself?"

Apparently, it is, because I still can't speak.

"You know what? Fuck you, Jasper. _Fuck you_. You're a fucking coward."

And he leaves. He doesn't look back as the door clangs behind him. I don't run after him and try to stop him, like I want to.

Because he's right.

I am a fucking coward.

And I wish it was for the reasons he thinks it is.

He thinks I hate him. He thinks I'm disgusted by him. He thinks I've been pretending to be his friend this whole time.

He's almost right about the last one. I've been pretending, lying to myself for so fucking long that I almost started to believe it.

Except even that's a fucking lie.

I want to go after him. I want to tell him the truth. But I can't, and I won't.

I'm scared of the truth.

I don't want to admit it to him. I don't even want to admit it to _myself_.

I open my mouth. Search for words.

"I'm sorry." There. They finally come out.

Only problem is, I'm apologizing to an empty chair.


	2. One: SeptemberOctober

_**One**_

_**September/October**_

_SIX MONTHS PREVIOUSLY…_

* * *

_I'm such a fuckin' asshole. _

I think the words even as I watch Lauren's head bob up and down as she pulls my cock deeper into her mouth. I groan, fisting one hand in her hair, my hips bucking up towards her face.

Of course, the fact that a pretty girl is giving me head _by itself_ doesn't make me an asshole. It's more the fact that said girl just so happens to be my ex-girlfriend's best friend that pushes me into 'fucking asshole' territory.

Lauren mumbles something to me, but I don't hear, both because her mouth is full and because I'm too far gone to give much of a shit about what she's saying. My eyes narrow. My body tenses.

"_Fuck_," I hiss. "Fuck, I'm gonna…"

The rest of my sentence is choked off in a groan as I convulse, shooting my load down her throat. She swallows it without complaint. What a trooper. I tip my head back against the wall, riding out the euphoria of my orgasm while I listen to the rhythmic thumping of the bass that accompanies the noise of the party downstairs.

As the glow fades, the guilt sets in properly. "Ah, hell!"

Lauren blinks up at me, still on her knees as she tucks me back in and zips the fly of my jeans. "What's the matter, Jasper?"

"For real?" I arch an eyebrow at her incredulously. She just shrugs. "You're Jessica's best friend!"

She shrugs again, tossing long, blonde hair over one shoulder. "So? You guys broke up two months ago."

I knead my forehead with my knuckles. "Yeah, but that's not the point. Ain't there, like, some kinda girl code about these things or some shit?"

Lauren looks almost amused. "Well, I'm not exactly gonna go up to her and be all, like, 'Oh, hey, Jess, I just thought you'd wanna know I just had Jasper's cock in my mouth', am I? But I figure what she don't know won't hurt her."

Wow. I see her logic – kinda – but I can't help but think that with friends like Lauren, a girl wouldn't need enemies.

"Right. Well, I'm gonna go back downstairs, anyhow." I push myself upright off the bed, sidestepping the kneeling girl. With one hand on the doorknob, I turn. "You… you promise you won't say anythin' to Jess?"

Lauren rolls her eyes, but she promises anyway. I leave.

I take the stairs two at a time on my way down, and I'm so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I don't notice the guy coming up in the other direction until it's too late. He, it transpires, is just as consumed in his own little world, because he doesn't even glance up.

_Smack_!

My skull collides with his. Reeling, I go down on my ass. He's luckier – he grabs the railing to stop himself from falling backwards.

"Ow," I say reproachfully, rubbing what will surely be a bruise tomorrow.

"_Fuck_!" he hisses, and I don't recognize his voice. I glance up. A pair of bright green eyes are glaring back at me. "Watch where you're going, will you?"

He's got an accent. Or maybe it's that he doesn't have an accent. Either way, he's clearly not from the South. I appraise him with newfound interest. Our tiny Texas town rarely sees any new faces, and I'm not sure what to make of this one.

He wouldn't look out of place on the cover of some glossy fashion magazine, I think. The trendy kind my sister always reads. He's pale – unusual for around here – with artfully disheveled hair that's the same shiny copper color as a new penny. Clearly, he's no stranger to the gym, and I instantly size him up with the clinical eye of a football captain. When the new school year starts up on Monday, we'll need to replace some of the old seniors on the team, and his lean muscled build certainly gives the _impression_ of athletic prowess.

Then I study him closer, and I'm not so sure. He's wearing skinny jeans, dark ones, and a blue and white striped t-shirt that hangs loosely off him like a runway model. There's a tattoo of something on his left bicep, and when he opens his mouth to say something, I see a glint of metal on his tongue. It's pierced.

None of which screams 'football player'.

I realize that I've been staring at him without speaking for a couple minutes now, which is pretty weird, but he's been staring back, assessing me, too. I wonder what he sees. The same golden good-looks and deep blue eyes that make the girls gravitate towards me? Or is he seeing the tired cliché of a small-town football star that _I_ always see when I look in the mirror?

"Sorry," I say, getting to my feet. I'm a couple steps above him, so I can see over the top of his messy hair, but I don't think there's much difference in our heights. An inch at the most. Again, that's unusual for me – at six-three I pretty much dwarf the rest of my peers. "I didn't see you comin'."

"No," he replies, and he's smirking at me now. Briefly, I wonder what's so funny. "I didn't, either."

He moves past me, still climbing up the stairs, and I start to resume heading down them. I make it as far as three steps before something stops me. I turn. Strangely, he seems to have had the same idea, because he's half-turned back to look at me, too.

"You new in town or somethin'?" I ask.

He smirks again. "Just moved here with my parents a couple days ago."

"Oh." I pause. "Where're you from?"

"New York."

I nod, because I don't know how else to respond. He starts to turn away from me again, and I blurt out "I've always wanted to go to New York. What's it like? Livin' there, I mean?"

He appraises me. Pivots around. Leans against wall with one shoulder. I'm jealous of his eyes. They're almost inhumanly green. "Livin' there?" He mimics my Southern drawl really, really well, and I can't decide whether he's making fun of me or just playing. "Well, gosh, darlin', I just don't think it's a patch on this li'l town."

Yep, he's definitely making fun of me. Something about the way he just called me "darlin'" makes me feel… _uncomfortable_. His eyes glitter with mirth, and I suddenly understand he'd said it deliberately, to cause that effect. I quit my nervous shifting and scowl.

"It was just a question. No need to be so damn sarcastic."

He smiles, and when he speaks, it's in his own voice again. "Sorry. I'm not used to being around people with manners."

"What, didya grow up in the wild or somethin'?" I challenge.

He laughs. "I grew up in the City. It's basically the same thing."

I'm not sure what to say to that, so I don't say anything. He continues to watch me for a moment, and I get the feeling that I'm under a microscope. Again, I wonder what he's observing when he looks at me. We must be strange creatures to a city boy like him. Rednecks. I wouldn't be surprised by his disdain. I don't think much of small-town life, either. I have bigger aspirations.

"You're Jasper Hale, aren't you?" He startles me by saying my name. I don't know why I'm startled. Everyone around here knows who I am. His lip curls upwards slightly. "Seems like everywhere I've gone for the past couple days, I've heard about you. The golden boy. The quarterback." _The golden boy. The quarterback_. I resent the words. Like I've been put into a stereotypical box, and I'm desperately trying to fight my way out of it.

"That's funny," I say, mustering up a slight sneer of my own. "Because I've heard jack shit about you."

He laughs again. Studies me. There's something almost like approval in his eyes.

"Yeah," he nods, apparently answering one of his own unspoken questions. "I think you and I are gonna be great friends."

And, with that, he disappears off upstairs, leaving me staring bewilderedly after him.

* * *

The stranger's name is Edward Cullen.

I find this out the second I get downstairs, and am tugged off into the kitchen by a tipsy and giggling Bella Swan. Bella is my sister Rosalie's best friend, and, like Rosie, she's the year below me in school. She's also totally hot, in that good Catholic schoolgirl kind of way. I can't go there, though. More than my life is worth to piss off Rose by screwing her best friend.

But I can still _look_, and I can't help myself from doing exactly that as she rounds the breakfast island and hops up onto the far counter, swinging her long legs back and forth. She blinks blearily at me through slightly inebriated brown eyes.

"Did you see him?" she asks.

I pause in admiring her rack to refocus, both on her question and her face as I answer her. "See who?"

She rolls her eyes. "The new guy. Edward Cullen. Super hot, reddish brown hair…?"

"Oh." I nod. "Yeah, sure, we've met." It's nice to be able to put a name to the face. _Edward Cullen_.

"Isn't he dreamy?" she sighs, and I can't help but laugh. 'Dreamy' isn't exactly the word I'd use to describe him. 'Scathing' or 'cocky' are more appropriate. I tell her this, and I hear a laugh in response. It's too deep to be Bella's laugh, and looking at her, I see that she's actually passed out, her head resting against one of the overhead cabinets. She must be drunker than I'd originally thought.

I turn in search of the owner of that laugh, and find _him_ standing in the doorway, leaning crookedly against the frame and surveying me with amusement shining in those green, green eyes.

My heart stutters in my chest. Normally, I'd find that a weird reaction for my body to have, but I write it off as embarrassment over being caught talking about him behind his back.

"'Cocky', huh?" he asks, and he smirks at me. "You don't even know me, Hale."

I lean back until my spine hits the counter. Brace my hands either side. Try to ignore the fact that my mouth is suddenly dry. I _hate_ confrontation. "I'm just callin' it like I see it, Cullen."

"Fine." He's enjoying this. My discomfort. I don't know how I know, but I just know. "Then let me call it how _I_ see it. You are, without a doubt, the saddest person I've met since I got here."

I flinch like he's hit me. He might as well have. His words are just as bad. "What do you mean?"

He unpeels himself from the wall and takes a few steps forward. I don't know why, but I find myself backing up, pressing the backs of my thighs against the breakfast island as he advances on me. He stops when there's less than a foot of space between us. Leans forward. Places his hands on the counter, too, on the outside of mine. Our fingers almost brush each other's, but not quite.

He's caged me in, trapping me on every side. His eyes are bright and serious as they bore into mine.

"I'm trapped," I point out, as a wave of dizzy claustrophobia hits me. He raises an eyebrow.

"I know you are." This close, I can faintly smell the tequila on his breath, but it's overpowered by his aftershave. "That's my point. You're trapped in this little life, in this little town. You're too stuck to move, and it's killing you."

I don't understand how he knows this about me. It's like he can read my mind. I make the mistake of meeting his eyes again, and I flinch away from the intensity there. For a moment, I briefly consider than he just might be telepathic, after all.

"What makes you think that?" I mumble.

"It's just this look in your eyes…" His gaze roams over my face, studying me again. "You had it when you asked me about New York. It's like… like wistfulness. Only not. It's more than that…" He trails off pensively. "I dunno, I just got this _feeling_ about you when I ran into you on the stairs. I know I'm not wrong. You hate it here as much as I do."

We're standing much too close for comfort, but he doesn't move back. I feel a sudden tightness in my chest that I can't explain, and when I suck in my next breath, it's slightly ragged.

"I like my life," I whisper, but it sounds pathetic, because we both know he's right about me.

"No, you don't." He shakes his head. "You're bored out of your mind. You're counting down the days until you can graduate, take off and never look back at this place again."

I still can't figure out how he can tell all this about me through our brief conversation on the stairs. I'm itching with curiosity, though. For the first time in forever, I feel a stirring of mystery and intrigue in my chest. And it's _fucking awesome_.

"Go on," he urges quietly. "Tell me I'm wrong."

I don't. My silence speaks volumes.

"I meant it, Jasper," Edward says. "When I said that you and I could be great friends. You're the most interesting thing this town's got to offer."

He straightens up. Grins lopsidedly at me.

Then he _chucks my chin_ and walks away.

I'm beyond confused as I gape, open-mouthed, at the space he's just vacated. That was _not_ normal guy-behavior. It occurs to me, then, that Edward Cullen is nothing, _nothing_ like the other guys in this town. Not even close.

And I kind of like it.

* * *

I seek him out when school starts up.

At first, it's unintentional. My eyes just seem to flicker towards him whenever he walks into the room. I sense his presence before I see him, and then my gaze gravitates towards him of its own accord.

A couple weeks in, I still haven't really spoken to him that much. Just a few passing words here and there. But I still watch him, and now, I don't even try to find excuses for it. As I watch, I notice more and more things about him.

He dresses like a Hollister ad.

He speaks like a character out of some witty New York sitcom.

He clicks the ball bearing of his tongue bar against his teeth whenever he thinks real hard about giving a teacher an answer.

And he always answers. He volunteers information without being called on. He takes notes. He seems eager to learn, excited to challenge ideas.

He's opinionated. He's argumentative.

He doesn't seem to care about all the raised eyebrows he gets when he walks past.

And he doesn't really try to make friends, but he's approachable enough when other people make the effort.

He drives a Volvo. A silver one.

He laughs whenever someone says something sarcastic in his vicinity, his eyes lighting up. It's like he misses the constant flippant banter he's no doubt used to among people our age, coming from the East Coast.

I watch and watch and watch.

And I discover new things.

He draws on his arms in sharpie when he's bored. Sometimes he draws pictures, stuff that looks like tattoo designs. Sometimes, he writes lyrics to songs. I only recognize about half of them.

He reads Stephen King novels during lunchtime, sitting under one of the old oaks on the quad.

He paints his nails sometimes. Some of the guys give him some shit about that, but it's mostly friendly. He always paints them the same color; jet black.

I'm rapidly becoming obsessed, and I'm very, very aware of it. I wonder if anyone's started to notice me studying him in classes. Probably not, because I'm not the only one.

Other people stare, too. He's an object of fascination for most, and scorn for some. _Different_. It's like a sign around his neck. Most people are content just to leave the sign saying just that one word.

I add some more adjectives to it.

New.

Exciting.

Unpredictable.

One day, in the first week of October, I decide to bite the bullet and actually attempt a conversation with him. It's lunchtime, and he's sprawled out under his usual tree in the corner of the quad. I glance at the title of the book he's reading as I approach. _The Shining. _

He looks up when my shadow falls across the pages he's been devouring so intently. Piercing green eyes pin me to the spot. And, abruptly, he breaks out into a warm grin.

"Jasper. I'd been wondering when you were gonna come and talk to me." He closes his book and sets it down on the grass beside him.

"You were wonderin' when I was gonna come and talk to you?" I echo. Without even noticing I'm doing it, I sit down. I stretch out my legs beside his, imitating the way he's got his ankles crossed. My beat-up red Chuck Taylors look way scruffier than his black ones.

"Well, yeah. After I spoke to you at that party, I figured that you'd come and talk to me on, like, the first day back. But when you didn't, I decided I'd probably freaked you out." He shrugs. "I knew you'd get over it eventually, though."

I'm confused again. "You didn't freak me out."

He raises one eyebrow at me like I'm a dime short of a dollar. "No?"

"Alright," I admit. "You might've freaked me out a little bit. Not a lot, though. I didn't come and talk to you after that because…" I pick at a loose thread on the hem of my t-shirt, feeling a little embarrassed.

"Because…?"

"Well, because I didn't really know what to say to you. You're… cooler than I am."

Edward snorts, and when I glance up at him again, his expression looks almost… hopeful. It's such a change around from the cockiness I've previously seen. "For real?"

"Yeah." I seem to rediscover my confidence in the face of his vulnerability. "I mean, you're all edgy and different and from, like, the most awesome city on the planet. It's kinda intimidatin'. I felt like a bit of a dumb jock."

He grins, flashing dimples at me. "I don't think you're a dumb jock. I mean, I know you're a jock, and all that, but I don't think you're dumb."

"It's not like you'd know, though," I point out. "I mean, like you said, we ain't exactly spent all that much time hangin' out."

"Try _any_ time," Edward replies, but he's still smiling. "But I've listened to you talking in History class. You're a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. In fact… you hide it well, Jasper, but I have this theory that you're actually a total brain."

Suddenly, I'm blushing, and I'm not sure why. "Not likely."

"It is likely!" he argues, shifting on the grass so that he's facing me, legs crossed underneath him. "I bet if you actually tried, you'd ace your SATs. I bet you could go Ivy League."

His praise, not to mention the total sincerity with which he delivers it, gives me a pretty major case of the warm-and-fuzzies. Which is _so_ not like me. I shake off the feeling, but I can't stop the grin that's slowly spreading across my face.

A couple girls in the year below us walk past, then, and I notice them throwing appreciative looks at Edward over their shoulders. They're not even being kinda subtle about it. I decide to boost his confidence, like he's just done for mine (although I'm not entirely sure I won't just be feeding his ego instead).

I elbow him. "Looks like you got yourself some admirers there, Cullen."

He checks, laughs, and shakes his head ruefully. "I think they were probably staring at _you_." He elbows me back.

"They totally weren't!" I protest. "Courtney Stanley wouldn't look at me like that, anyhow. She's Jasper-hating-Jessica's sister."

Cue another Edward eyebrow raise. "Jasper-hating-Jessica?"

Oh. Right. He hadn't been here when the whole Jessica Stanley debacle went down at the spring fling last year. I grimace. "It's a long story."

He tips his head back against the tree, slotting a pair of Ray Bans onto his face that I swear he just pulled from thin air, because I hadn't noticed them a minute ago. "Then I guess it's lucky we've still got forty minutes of lunch left."

"Well… Jessica's my ex. I kinda dumped her at the spring fling. In front of everyone. She didn't take it real well, and she's hated me ever since." I pause. "Huh. Apparently that story isn't as long as I thought."

Edward snickers. "So you call her Jasper-hating-Jessica?" He sounds real amused by that. "I like it. It's catchy. Why'd you break up with her?"

I actually consider the question for the first time. Before, when my teammates had asked that same question, my answer had been 'I dunno, man. She's kinda annoying.' But as I really think about it, I realize that's not exactly true. She hadn't really annoyed me all that much when we were dating. "I just… wasn't into her. Like, I was when we first started goin' out, but after a while, I just kinda got…"

"Bored?" Edward supplies.

"Yeah."

"It happens sometimes." He gives me a one-shoulder shrug.

"What about you? You got a girl back in New York?"

He hooks one finger around the edge of his shades and lowers them down the bridge of his nose. The way he's looking at me, it's like I've just asked him the funniest and most ridiculous question he's ever heard. "You're kidding, right?"

I feel like I'm missing something that should be obvious. At least, he's acting that way. "Um, no?"

He smiles. Really smiles, sort of the way I smile at Rosalie when she goes off on one of her little rants about things she doesn't really understand. Like I'm adorably naïve, or something. "No, then. I haven't got a girlfriend in New York. Never did."

"Oh. Okay. Maybe you'll have a bit better luck here, then?" To be honest, I can't really fathom why he wouldn't have had girls falling over themselves to be with him back home, either. I mean, Bella called him 'dreamy', and even I can sorta appreciate that he's attractive – objectively speaking.

Edward studies me for a few moments, and then cracks up. I'm taken aback by his laughter, because I don't understand it. Part of the unpredictable thing, I guess. When he finally regains control, he settles back against the tree more comfortably, though he still has a smirk on his face. "You Southerners act like you've all just hatched," he chuckles, almost to himself.

Again, I don't know what to make of his comment, so I just gloss over it. "Alright. You know, my buddy Mike is havin' a party this weekend."

"Oh yeah?"

"You wanna come with me?"

"Are you asking me out?"

I freeze. Stare at him, bug-eyed. Where the hell did he get that idea from? Upon seeing the appalled look on my face, he laughs again. "Relax, Jasper, I'm just kidding. Sure, though, the party sounds like fun."

And, without saying anything else, he picks his book up again and starts reading from where he left off. Knowing I've been dismissed, I stand, mumble a goodbye, and begin walking back towards the cafeteria, where my teammates and their girlfriends are probably spread out across two tables, munching their way through plates of fries and shit.

I like Edward. He seems like a nice enough guy. And he's certainly interesting, I'll give him that. But there's something that's unsettled me about that conversation. I can feel it, twisting my gut into knots.

It's only when I enter the air conditioned cafeteria that I realize what it is.

He said, _are you asking me out?_

* * *

Edward shows up to Mike's party on Saturday night, in his normal skinny jeans and an emerald green sweater that matches his eyes. I don't know why I notice that, but I do.

When he arrives, I've literally never been happier to see anyone in my life.

Because the others are all talking about their plans for after graduation.

Emmett's going to open up his own auto shop. Mike's taking over as manager in his dad's hardware store. Tyler's going to community college. Ben's gonna try and get a football scholarship to the University of Texas.

The list goes on and on, but one thing becomes clear – they're _all_ staying as close to home as possible.

When they get to me, Emmett asks, "So, Jazz, what's your deal for when we're finally done with this high school bullshit?"

The words that come out of my mouth feel natural, but they shock the hell outta everyone else in the room. "I think I'm gonna go to New York to college. Maybe major in European History or somethin'. That way I might even get a year abroad. That'd be cool."

They all stop dead. Stare at me. Their mouths drop open. They're all giving me the same look – like I'd just cussed in church or something.

Emmett is the one who recovers first. "You mean, you don't wanna stay in Texas? You wanna go off to some pretentious college and memorize a bunch of facts and dates about stuff that happened on another continent for _four years_? You wanna go to some random place in Europe where you don't even speak the fuckin' _language_?"

It's like he can't believe anyone would insinuate such a thing.

Then a voice pipes up from behind me. "I think that's a fucking awesome idea." I turn, and it's Edward. He pulls out an empty chair from the table beside us and flips it round, straddling it as he leans his chin on the backrest. He's studying me again, and that look of approval is back. "Where would you go? In Europe, I mean. If you could choose?"

I study him back, trying to communicate with my eyes that I'm grateful for the save. He looks like he gets it. "I dunno. Paris, maybe? Or Rome? I've always wanted to go to Italy."

The other guys are looking at me like I've just professed a desire to become a serial killer.

"Italy's great," Edward agrees, and I feel a pang of jealousy as I realize he's implying that he's already been. "But I think you'd like Vienna. _Tons_ of history, there."

"You travel a lot, huh?"

Edward grins. "I get around."

I chuckle when I catch the double entendre in his words. "So, what countries have you visited?"

He starts ticking them off on his fingers. "Um… England, – my dad's English, so I have family there – France, Belgium, Austria, Italy, Greece, Hungary, Russia, India, Morocco, South Africa, Singapore, Thailand, Australia, Argentina, Venezuela, Haiti and… wait, I think that's it. Oh, hang on, and Texas."

I'm in awe, so it takes me a couple of seconds to realize what he said last. When I do, I snort. "Um, Cullen… Texas is in the US. It's not another country."

He gives me a dry, meaningful look. "Hale, it's a whole other _world_ down here."

I'm fighting back my laughter as I shake my head at him ruefully. Then I catch a glimpse of the stunned and bewildered faces of the rest of the football team, and I can't hold it in. I crack up.

When I finally get my laughter under control, I say to Edward "I can't believe how much of the world you've seen."

My tone is wistful, and he smiles sympathetically, like he understands what I'm not saying as much as what I am. _He does understand_, I think with a start. _He actually _gets_ me_.

I don't think that's ever happened before. Nobody in this godforsaken place has ever understood me.

Until now.

And just as I'm trying to think of the best way to phrase my next sentence, Tyler pipes up.

"Yeah, well, I dunno that you'd have such a good time of it, Jasper. Cullen has an advantage when he's doing all that sissy European air-kiss shit, seeing as he's a total fag anyhow."

There's a collective intake of breath. I can't quite believe that Tyler went there. Neither can anyone else, judging from the uncomfortable looks they're all shooting at each other. I turn to Edward, an apology on Ty's behalf already halfway to my lips, when I notice that he isn't looking at me.

He isn't even looking at Tyler.

He's examining his nails, which he's painted again, I notice. One of his eyebrows is raised. And, what's more, he doesn't even seem slightly bothered by Ty's insult. His green eyes flick up and manage to survey everyone at the same time.

"Well, I wouldn't say it gives me an advantage, Crawley, but it's certainly not as much of an issue over there as it clearly is to _you_." He smirks. "You know, some leading psychologists actually believe that homophobia is a coping mechanism for dealing with latent homosexual desire. What d'you reckon… are they onto something?"

Tyler is speechless with rage.

Everyone else is speechless with the sudden tension.

Me? I'm speechless with _shock_.

Edward Cullen is gay? Well, knock me over with a feather. He doesn't seem gay. But then, I wouldn't really know what actual gay people are like. I've never met any, until now.

Suddenly, a lot of the weird, cryptic comments he'd made at school seem to fall into place in my head, and I feel like an idiot for not picking up on it sooner.

Edward's eyes flicker over to me, then, and it's almost like he's talking without actually talking, because I can read his question in his eyes.

_You didn't see that one coming, did you?_

I look right back at him, and I'm communicating a question of my own. _So… you're gay?_

He rolls his eyes. The message is clear. _Well, duh. _

I widen mine. I hope the message is clear. _I can't believe you just came out and said it like that. _

He seems to say, _what, you think that was stupid?_

I give my head a tiny shake. _Nah. I think it was brave. _

He furrows his eyebrows, and I see – _are we cool? _

This time, I nod slightly. He smiles. I smile back. The whole 'conversation' is over in less than a minute, and nobody else seems to have noticed, because they're all still gaping at one another.

Then Tyler stands up, balling his hands into fists, and advances on Edward. "Are you calling me a fucking queer?"

I realize that it's taken him this long to actually glean that inference from Edward's statement, and I'm kinda embarrassed at how slow he is. Edward seems to realize this, too, because he can't quite get rid of his smirk.

I see the wariness in his eyes though, and I know that he's kinda afraid that he's about to get his ass kicked. It's a legitimate fear – Edward's not skinny or anything, but Tyler's a linebacker and built (as my Gramma would say) like a brick shithouse.

"Ty," I stand up, too, and put a restraining hand on his huge shoulder. "Leave it alone."

"He called me a fucking fag!" Tyler protests, but he doesn't swing for him. Whether the guys are on board with my Europe dreams or not, I'm still the captain of this team, and I command their respect.

"You were being an ass to him, first," I point out. Some of the tension seeps out of Tyler's shoulders. "Let's all just forget about it, and we can just be civil and enjoy the damn party, 'kay?"

I know that he wants to disagree with me, and some of the other guys look like they might back him up on that, but then Emmett steps in, too. He gets to his feet and grabs Ty by the elbow.

"C'mon, man, let's just go grab a beer and you can cool your jets." He drags him off towards Mike's kitchen, and I sigh with relief as they disappear in the crowd.

Edward looks at me just as I look back at him. Green eyes meet blue.

_Thank you, _he doesn't say.

_Got your back, man, _I don't say back.

And, just like that, I know that I really fucking mean it.


	3. Two: November

_******A/N - These first few chapters are going to be a build up to the events of February/March that are hinted at in the prologue, and then that is where the real story begins. **_

_**Also, thank you to my reviewers so far, you guys really do make my day. **_

_**Hope you like this one!**_

* * *

_**Two**_

_**November**_

"Sweet Lord above, Jasper Hale, are you gonna chew at all or are you gonna keep shovelin' that stuff down your throat like someone's about ta steal it off ya?" Gramma stands in the kitchen doorway, her hands braced on her wide hips and her expression fierce as a storm cloud, as mama likes to say.

I force myself to chew the bacon and grits she's set down in front of me, making a real big show of it. Gramma watches my performance with pursed lips, but she doesn't comment any further. That's alright by me.

At just over sixty-five, Gramma has the energy of a thirty-year-old and the kinda glare a good, God-fearin' woman should have to keep her grandchildren in line and make them show up for church on Sundays.

She'd come visiting me, Mama and Rosalie from Charleston, South Carolina, about a year ago after my dad died, and just hadn't left. I doubt she even remembers her own address, anyhow.

Just then, Rosalie comes swanning into the kitchen. She pulls a face at my greasy breakfast, and sashays her way over to the fridge – I'm not sure exactly what 'sashay' means; all I know is that Rosie does it. Pulling out a bottle of water and a grapefruit slice, she plates up her pathetic excuse for the most important meal of the day and pulls out a chair at the table.

"Now, what've I been tellin' you about eatin' right, Rosalie Louise Hale?" Gramma demands, eyeing Rosie's grapefruit askance. "How you gonna start your school day with any energy livin' offa that nonsense?"

I bite my lip to hide my smile as Rose tosses her long blonde hair over one shoulder and fixes Gramma with a Look. I swear that Look is somethin' that all the Whitlock women have in common – even if Rose is technically a Hale, she still counts. Our mama does it. Gramma does it. Even Great-Gramma Lou had done it, from what I remember.

"She don't eat enough to keep a damn squirrel alive, Gramma," I point out. "It don't exactly matter what you say to her. She ain't gonna change."

Rosie turns the Look on me, now, and I do my best to look like I'm not intimidated.

I don't think I manage all that well, because she smirks at me in satisfaction and returns to nibbling on her grapefruit.

"I have to keep my meals light so I can stay on the cheerleadin' squad," Rosie informs us tersely. "It's not like I can afford to put on a couple pounds."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. My sister is skinny as a rake, and she seems to be the only person in the whole fuckin' universe who doesn't realize that.

We finish our respective breakfasts in silence, and Gramma shoos us out the door while I'm still trying to gulp down the last of my coffee. Since Rose has a driver's license but no car, she has to ride with me to school, something that I never hear the end of her bitchin' about.

Today, it's the radio she seems to be taking issue with. She twiddles the dials, growling in frustration at my spotty reception. My Dodge is about as ancient as the pyramids, and I can't tell what's paintwork and what's rust anymore, but I can get from A to B without needing to get out and push start the ol' girl _too_ often.

"You really need a new car, Jasper," Rose grumbles, slamming her shiny pink manicured hand against the dash when the radio still won't tune in properly. "This thing is a piece of shit."

"Hey now," I caution. "If you feel that way, I can always pull over and you can walk your skinny ass to school from here."

She scowls, but doesn't test me. "Emmett's comin' over tonight, so you're gonna have to give him a ride home from school, too."

I frown at her reproachfully. Emmett is my teammate and one of my best friends, unfortunately, he's also my kid sister's boyfriend, and I can never decide whether seeing the two of them making out in my backseat makes me wanna throw up or hit something. Usually both.

"Fine. But one of you has to ride shotgun, and you best keep your hands to yourselves until you're both shut up in your bedroom or whatever. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Rose rolls her eyes. She's used to this speech from me. It's a biweekly occurrence. You'd think, having heard it so often, she'd have taken it on board by now. No such joy.

I pull into the school parking lot and slide into a space right next to a shiny silver Volvo. Immediately, I spot the owner. He's leaning against the hood, waiting for me to get out, bag crossed over one shoulder and hands in his pockets.

Rosalie spots him, too, and gives the Volvo a wistful look. "I don't see why we can't both just hitch a ride to school with Edward, anyhow," she grumbles. "It's not like our house isn't on the way for him."

"Because," I say, and I unsuccessfully attempt to open my driver's side door. It's stuck again. I throw my shoulder against it and it springs free with an ominous groaning sound. Rose swings herself out of her side, stooping down to pick up her bag from the floorboard. "I've got a car."

"If you want to call that rust bucket a car, then I suppose you do. In the loosest possible definition of the term." It's Edward who speaks, his tone light and teasing.

I turn to give him a mock glare and slam the car door shut so hard that the whole thing rocks. It's not like I can do much more damage to the ol' girl anyhow. The suspension's already fucked. "Leave Bessie alone, Cullen. Or at least don't call her names right in front of her."

"She's so old, she's probably deaf anyway," he shrugs. He then ropes an arm around Rosalie, who giggles. "Don't worry, princess, I'll come and pick you up from now on. We've got your street cred on the line, here."

Ever since that party at Mike Newton's a month back, Edward and I have been pretty near inseparable. He came over to my house for the first time a week later, and instantly charmed the fucking pants off my entire family. Well, not my _entire _family, because Tanya and Kate, our two older sisters, are both away at college, so they haven't actually met him.

But Gramma, Mama and Rose? They worship him like he shits gold and bleeds wine.

I honestly don't know how he does it, but his ability to charm women is a totally wasted talent. I might get him to teach me a couple tricks.

"See, Jasper?" Rose says, reaching behind Edward's back to prod me with one long fingernail as we walk towards the school building. "Edward doesn't mind. He wants to drive us from now on."

"Only to save you the embarrassment of showing up in that thing," Edward smirks, and I punch him on the shoulder.

"Shut up, man."

He sticks his tongue out at me, and the sunlight glints off the metal stud embedded there. I laugh, rolling my eyes, because he's just so damn childish sometimes that it's real hard to take him seriously.

"By the way, I was meaning to ask you both if you wanted to come over to mine this evening. My dad wants to celebrate Guy Fawkes'."

"He wants to celebrate what now?" My nose wrinkles in confusion. I glance at Rosie to see if I'm just being dense, but she looks equally nonplussed.

Edward grins. "It's a British thing. Bonfire night. We do it every year. We light up a bonfire in the backyard and then set off a bunch of fireworks. It sounds lame, but it's actually pretty fun."

"I don't think it sounds lame," Rosalie answers immediately, her deep purple-blue eyes lighting up like Christmas trees. "I love fireworks!"

I do, too, but I don't get as worked up about everything as she does, so I just nod. "Sure, I'm in."

"Good. My mom keeps begging me to introduce her to my friends, anyway. Bring Bella, and Emmett, if you want."

I have to admit, I'm pretty curious about Edward's family. Even though my mama's about ready to declare him her second son, I've actually never met his parents. Or his little sister, Maggie. I know that his mama works in interior design and his dad is Chief of Surgery at the hospital in Corsicana, but that's about all I know.

It'll be kinda cool to unravel some of the mystery surrounding him.

As we enter the busy hallway, Rosalie ducks out from under Edward's arm as she spies Bella further down by her locker. She dashes away, no doubt to tell her about our new plans for the evening, and I turn to Edward.

"What's Guy Fawkes?"

He chuckles. "It's not a 'what', Jazz, it's a 'who'. He was this guy who, back in 1605, was part of an assassination attempt to blow up the Houses of Parliament using gunpowder and kill King James I so that they could get a catholic monarch on the throne again. The gunpowder plotters were caught right before they could actually go through with it – in the early hours of the morning on November 5th, which is why…" He trails off, looking real amused by the earnestly interested expression on my face. "You really eat this stuff up, don't you?"

"What do you mean?" I frown. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No. Not at all. I guess you weren't kidding about loving European history, huh?"

I shake my head. I feel kinda embarrassed all of a sudden. "You think I'm a total freak, don't 'cha?"

Edward raises one eyebrow at me. "You're asking _me_, the guy who likes boys and draws on himself in marker pen, if I think _you_ are a freak?" He snickers. "I'm pretty sure I must've taken a wrong turn on the drive to school without noticing, cuz I think I'm in Bizarro-world."

I chuckle. And, just like that, I don't feel awkward or self-conscious anymore. Edward has a way of doing that – he just kind of calls things as he sees them, and the frank and often self-deprecating honesty never fails to make me feel better. He doesn't reassure me, or stroke my ego, like all the girls would. He doesn't wave it off or tear me down like my teammates would. He just gives me his perspective on stuff and then waits for me to snap myself out of whatever's got me in knots. I've noticed him doing it a lot this past month.

And I'm grateful.

"Hey," I begin, as we reach my locker. Edward leans against the side of the locker next to it as I twist the combination lock and gather up my books. "Would you think I was totally lame if I said that I'm kinda lookin' forward to meetin' your folks?"

A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "No. I don't think that's lame. Why so keen, though? Most people don't really give a shit about their friends' parents."

"Well…" I consider the question, tilting my head as I think of the right response. "I'm kinda intrigued by them. I mean, they've got these wicked cool jobs, and your dad is English, ain't he, so I bet he's gonna be real interestin' to talk to. I like learnin' about new places and stuff."

"I've noticed," Edward says dryly. "But yeah, I mean, they're cool. You'll like them. It's just…" He grimaces slightly. "They're really… well, kind of embarrassing, sometimes. Which is why you haven't met them yet."

"Everyone's folks are embarrassin', Ed," I point out. "I mean, you've met my mama, right?"

"Your mom isn't embarrassing. She's awesome."

"Of course _you _think that." I slam my locker shut again, and we resume walking down the hallway towards his. "She's not your mama, so you find her funny. Me, on the other hand? Sometimes she says stuff around people that just makes me wanna crawl in a hole and die." I shudder. "How come your folks make you cringe, anyhow?"

"It's more my mom than my dad," he muses. "She makes such a fuss, sometimes. And she's just about bursting with gay pride. When I came out to her, I swear, she practically threw me my own parade. She signed up to join some gay rights group the next day. She totally gushes over me."

Edward's blushing slightly, and I can totally get why, even though I think the fact that his mama's so proud of him is kinda cute. If any of the kids round here were gay, I doubt their folks would be so accepting.

"I think that's kinda nice."

He rolls his eyes. "_You_ would, wouldn't you?"

"And what's that supposed to mean?" We stop at his locker, and this time, I'm the one that leans up against the side as he sorts his shit out. I study his face in profile, and he's wearing that crooked smirk that he always does when he's about to say something snarky.

He doesn't disappoint. "You spend your days giving out the verbal equivalent of a free hug to everyone you talk to."

"I don't do that."

Edward extracts a book from the top shelf of his locker. When he lifts his arm, the hem of his shirt rides up, and I catch a glimpse of another tattoo on his hip. I wonder how many he has. I've never actually asked. "You do, too."

"Well… so, what? I'm nice."

"You're _too_ damn nice. It's superhuman. Nobody likes _everyone_." He slams the locker shut, and then leans against it, facing me. "Except… you really do, don't you? You don't actually have a problem with anyone." He shakes his head in disbelief.

"I dunno. _You're_ kinda pissin' me off right now…" I mutter. Edward laughs.

"Yeah, but I've got a talent for it." He considers. "Can you believe that Bella called me 'bitchy' the other day?"

I snicker. "She's not wrong."

The warning bell blares out along the hallway, and I peel myself away from the lockers as we set off towards first period. Edward and I are both in the same Biology class.

"Being 'bitchy' is a trait exclusive to girls, Jazz. Name one instance where I've been bitchy. I bet you can't."

"Yesterday," I say immediately. "When Newton walked into the diner and you turned to me and said 'Look at the state of him. Did he get dressed in the dark or something?'"

"Did I say that?" Edward smirks. I don't dignify his question with an answer, because he knows damn well he did. "Huh. I guess I am kind of a bitch."

"Probably why you get on so well with Rosalie," I reason, and he smacks me across the back of the head. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Being mean about your sister."

I arch an eyebrow at him. "Thought you said I was too nice?"

"You _are_ too nice. But let's keep it that way. I'm apparently a bitch, so hanging out with you, Mr. Congeniality, can only improve my image." He adopts the most ridiculously girly expression, clapping one hand to his heart dramatically. His voice goes up about three octaves as he jokes, "I mean you're, like, the most popular guy in school!"

I crack up at his ridiculousness. "You're such an ass."

"Comedy value, man. That's why you keep me around."

We've just reached the biology lab. He winks at me, grinning, and ducks through the door. I follow, still fighting back a smile.

* * *

I arrive at Edward's place last out of the group, because Bessie refused to start up, and I had to wait until Mom got home so that I could borrow her car. Rose – who went to Bella's after school – Bella, and Emmett are all already inside, if the Chevy truck and the Wrangler parked on Edward's massive drive are any indication.

His house is fucking _huge_. It's like one of the old plantation houses, set right back from the road on the outskirts of town. There's a wraparound porch, and the whole thing is painted white. Roses climb up a trellis attached to the side, giving it an explosion of color.

It's both intimidating and beautiful.

I take the steps up to his front door, feeling kinda nervous for no reason I can explain. I raise my fist to knock, but before I have a chance, it's thrown wide open – thankfully, it opens inwards – and I find myself looking down into the face of possibly the cutest little kid I've ever seen.

She blinks huge gray eyes up at me and smiles shyly. "Hi."

"Hey there, darlin'. You must be Maggie." She blushes and nods, auburn curls bouncing with the movement. "I'm Jasper."

"I know," she murmurs. "Teddy talks about you all the time."

_Aww_. I can't decide what's nicer to hear – the fact that Edward speaks about me, or the fact that Maggie calls him 'Teddy'.

She steps back, and I cross the threshold into the cool, light foyer. It's the same pale color scheme as the outside of the house, looking light and airy and ultra modern compared to my stuffy, homey country house.

Maggie slides her hand into mine – an action that sorta makes me want to melt inside. "C'mon, Jasper. Everybody is outside on the deck."

I let her tow me into a palatial living room, but I don't get to stop and check out my surroundings, because she tugs me – with disproportionate strength, might I add – to a set of french doors leading out onto a wide deck. My eyes widen when I see the perfectly landscaped garden beyond, complete with pond and water feature. There's a hot tub on one end of the decking we're standing on, and on the other, there's a large, square table. My friends are grouped around one end, lounging back in chairs and clutching cans of soda. Rosalie, I notice, is perched on Emmett's lap. I narrow my eyes at her as Maggie and I approach.

Edward has his back to me as he argues good-naturedly with Bella about something, and I can't resist creeping up behind him and resting my elbows on the back of his chair.

"Hey, Teddy," I say slyly, and his back stiffens. He turns around to face me slowly, pausing to shoot Maggie a reproachful glance. She shrugs, and in a gesture that's uncannily similar to her big brother, sticks her tongue out at him.

"You're gonna call me that until the end of time now, aren't you?" he groans at me.

"You bet your ass I am."

"Great. Just fantastic." He leans back against the chair, looks at me upside down for a second, and then closes his eyes despairingly.

"Oh, c'mon Teddy, don't sulk," I tease, poking him in the forehead.

Bella's eyes flicker from Edward's face to mine, and she grins at our banter. Maggie, who had been hovering on the periphery of the group since I let go of her hand, skips over to Bella's seat and squeezes herself into the space beside her. Bella, like me, seems completely enamored by her, and instantly shuffles over to make room.

"Ah, I see our last guest has arrived."

I turn at the sound of a deep English accent, to find Edward's father standing just behind me. Even if the accent hadn't been an instant tip-off, I'd have known who this guy was anywhere.

Turns out that Edward is a dead ringer for his dad. It's weird, because their coloring is completely different. Dr. Cullen is blond, and his eyes are gray like Maggie's, but he and his son have almost the exact same face. I blink in astonishment as he gives me a very Edward-like grin and extends his hand.

"I'm Carlisle, Edward's dad. And you, I take it, are Jasper?"

I shake his hand, wondering exactly what Edward must've told his family about me that meant they'd all be able to identify me on sight. "Yes, sir."

He chuckles lightly. "Good grief, even the teenagers around here are polite. Are you thirsty?"

"Yeah, I could use a drink, thanks. What've you got?"

"Coke," Edward is the one who answers. "Or ginger beer."

He cranes his neck towards the open kitchen window and hollers, "Esme! When you're coming out, can you grab Jasper a coke?"

A woman's voice calls back in the affirmative, and, a second later, Edward's mama steps out onto the deck.

Edward's coloring is immediately explainable, because she has the same copper hair as her children, long and loosely curly like Maggie's. Eyes the same bright green as Edward's soften as soon as they land on me, and she makes her way over, pressing a cold can of soda into my hand.

"Jasper, I'm Esme. Welcome to our home."

"Thank you for invitin' me, ma'am. This place is unreal."

She beams at me, showing off two deep dimples. "I'm glad you like it."

"Like it? It's like somethin' out of a magazine! It's incredible." I tilt my head, admiring the garden view over her shoulder. "Edward says you're an interior designer… did you do the designs for this place yourself?"

Esme looks utterly enchanted. "Oh, well, yes, actually. I tried my hand at the landscaping design as well, but I'm not sure that I'm quite up to the challenge."

"I have to disagree there, ma'am. I think you've done a wonderful job."

She surprises me then by reaching up and patting me on the cheek. "Oh, you are a charmer," she laughs. "You can come back any day." She looks over at Edward, who is kicking back in his chair, watching us both with a sort of amused resignation. "And you can come and help me bring out the food, Ted."

Rolling his eyes, Edward gets to his feet in one smooth motion and follows his mama as she disappears back into the kitchen. On the way past me, he gives me a playful shove.

"Hey!" I protest.

"Kiss-ass," he laughs. "I saw you trying to butter my mom up."

"Yeah, Jasper, nobody likes a suck-up," Emmett chortles. "Though, to be fair, I kinda wanna get on Esme's good side as well."

"She has that effect on people," Carlisle puts in. He's sitting in one of the chairs, and Maggie is now curled up on his lap, apparently having abandoned Bella. She looks like she's about to doze off. "It makes it difficult to argue with her." He drains the beer he's holding. "I'll be back in a second; I just need to grab a refill."

Because the need to be mannerly is so deeply ingrained in my psyche – and partly because I can't bear to disturb Maggie – I immediately jump to attention. "Oh, no, I'll go and grab you another one. You don't need to get up."

Carlisle smiles gratefully at me and nods. Emmett makes sucking noises at me. I flip him off when I'm sure Maggie isn't watching, which causes the girls to laugh.

I head back into the house, and I'm just about level with the kitchen door when I hear my own name.

"… you and Jasper?"

"No, Mom." Edward sounds kinda frustrated. "There's nothing."

"Why not? He's very handsome…"

I grin. Esme calling me handsome is the highlight of my day. Then I realize the implication behind what she's saying and I suck in a surprised breath.

"Yeah, Mom, but he's straight, so there's no point in you picking out china patterns for us or anything."

My hand comes up to my mouth in an effort to hold back the laugh that threatens to leak out. Even in a conversation as awkward as this one, he still manages to make snarky jokes.

"Oh. Well, that's a pity. You two would've certainly looked good together."

Edward groans audibly. "Mother, can you stop? Please?"

"Can't a mom express disappointment? I mean, honey, don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that you have such good friends so quickly after moving here, but I hoped you'd get lucky and find a nice boy to date, too. And, considering that you haven't shut up about him for a month, I just figured that maybe Jasper was…" She breaks off, and sighs. I instantly wonder what's made her so sad. I'm not left wondering long. "Oh, honey. Teddy, I'm sorry. I didn't realize."

"It really sucks," Edward mumbles, and his voice is muffled, like he's speaking through material or something. "Whatever. I'll get over it."

"Yes, you will. But honey, before you do… are you _sure_ he isn't?"

"Pretty sure, Mom, yeah."

I hot-foot it away from the door and back around the corner as I hear movement inside. A few seconds later, Edward appears, looking just as calm and collected as he had a few minutes ago. I try to pretend like I haven't heard anything unusual.

"Hey, man, your dad wants another beer, and I ain't too sure where to…?"

Edward tuts at me. "You sucking up again, Jazz?" I see the humor dancing in his green irises as they meet mine, and then he freezes. "Why are your eyes all weird?"

"What?" I frown. "No, they ain't…"

"Yeah, they are, actually. You look like you've just seen a… oh, holy shit. You were eavesdropping." The words aren't a question. He knows. His shoulders sag, and all the air seems to leave his lungs.

I catch and hold his gaze, hoping he'll pick up on the fact that I'm trying to have one of our 'conversations'. It's too uncomfortable a topic to discuss aloud.

_I couldn't help myself_, I try to say. _I heard my name. _

Edward flicks his eyes skywards. _Duh. It's alright, I get it. _

_I don't mind, _I say. W_e're still cool. _

Edward just peers at me through narrowed, suspicious eyes for a long, long time before they widen and he gives me the tiniest of smiles. _Okay, _he seems to say, _Let's just forget this ever happened. _

I shoot him a questioning look that can't quite mask the mischievous sparkle behind my eyes.

_Forget that what happened?_ I play dumb.

For a moment, I'm worried that he'll start to feel uncomfortable around me. That he won't want to be my friend.

The thought makes my heart freeze over.

Then he laughs, and reaches over to muss my hair before heading back out to the others. I stare after him for a few moments, trying to collect my thoughts.

He's got a thing for me. Huh.

He's good at pretending otherwise. I'd never have suspected, not until I heard it with my own ears. But then, maybe that was just me being real dense.

Nah, I don't think that's true, because none of the others suspect his crush.

Crush. Huh. _Edward Cullen has a crush on me_.

Well, that's a weird thought. And it may be totally egotistical and unbelievably selfish of me to admit this, but part of me really likes the fact that Edward is into me. Because it means that he'll stick around, at least for a while longer.

I walk back outside, and claim the seat next to Edward. He glances over at me with trepidation, so I focus on grinning at him, almost willing my thoughts to permeate his consciousness. _I don't care if you're crushing on me, you're not going to stop being my friend_.

His expression clears into one of utmost relief, and he's actually able to relax enough now to throw his head back and bellow with laughter at the next thing Emmett says. He responds to the comment with some scathing retort that sets them both off laughing again. Even I have a grin on my face as I take in the wicked sparkle in his green eyes.

He's biting his tongue bar again. I open my mouth to chide him, as I often do, because it'll strip away the enamel of his teeth if he keeps doing that.

Then I decide just to let him be, because there's something about that piercing that intrigues me. He runs one hand through his coppery hair and decides to appeal to me about whatever good-natured argument he and Em are having.

"What do you think?" he asks. His eyes are alight and hopeful.

"I… uh… agree with you."

Edward cocks an eyebrow. "You're a moron, Hale. I was asking what time we should think about building the bonfire."

"Oh." I blush in embarrassment. "I wasn't really listening, sorry."

"No shit, Sherlock." He chuckles lowly and then – what else? – smirks his crooked smirk.

* * *

Carlisle's setting up the fireworks at the other end of the garden, just visible in the flickering light of the roaring bonfire beside him. The whole thing looks pretty impressive; Carlisle and Esme really go all out. Bella and Rosalie are ooh-ing and aah-ing, clutching sparklers and staring, wide-eyed into the sky as the first one is lit, and it races into the sky to explode in a shower of color against the blackness. Emmett has been dancing some weird, tribal-looking dance around the bonfire for the last twenty minutes that has me in stitches, but he stops when the display starts, capitalizing on everyone else's distraction by pulling my sister to him and starting to make out with her.

Edward and I have opted to stand on the deck for a better view, and I catch the two of them kissing out of the corner of my eye.

"Oh, man, seriously?" I mutter, and my pissed off tone momentarily distracts Edward from the showers of sparks overhead.

He turns to me just as a firework goes off, bathing his previously shadowed face in a pinkish glow. "What's up?"

"Emmett has his tongue down my baby sister's throat," I say with a shudder.

"And that's a problem?"

"It's just not somethin' I wanna see."

"Then don't look."

My eyebrows lift. "It's that simple, is it?"

"Here's the thing, Jazz," he sighs. Leaning against the rail on his forearms, he glances out at Rose and Emmett, and then returns his gaze to me. "D'you have any idea what it's like to feel disapproving or disgusted stares on you when you're making out with someone you like?"

I shake my head. "No, I guess not."

"I do," he whispers. "And it fucking sucks. People should be free to express their love or affection for each other whenever or wherever they want. You know, within reason. And anyone who has a problem with it just… should look away. Because it's none of their damn business."

My heart clenches painfully as the echo of some past emotion flits across Edward's face. Just for a moment, I see beneath the laconic smile and the snappy retorts, and he looks utterly, heartbreakingly vulnerable. Something catches in my throat.

"I didn't mean you, Edward," I murmur. "I don't have a problem with… any of that stuff. It's just my little sister."

"The principle still applies," he says, but now, at least, he sounds more like his usual self. "Don't like it? Don't look."

"When did you become some Zen master givin' me life lessons?" I tease.

I smile. He smiles back. Then his falters slightly. "Um, Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"About… about what you overheard earlier…" His cheeks are bright red. I can see it through the darkness. Hell, I can practically feel the heat coming off them.

"Don't worry about it," I wave it off.

"No, I just…" He takes a deep breath. "I just wanted you to know that I _will_ get over it. Eventually. I promise. So I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't start avoiding me or anything, because you're my best friend here and that would really suck."

I feel a rush of warmth go through me as I hear him call me his best friend, and I can't help but grin into the darkness. I nudge him with my shoulder. "C'mon, Teddy, as if I'd avoid you. I'm a good-lookin' guy. Frankly, I'd be insulted if you didn't feel that way."

He laughs, deep and genuine. Shakes his head at me. "Jackass."

"Yeah," I say slyly, "but you love it."

I wink. He tuts and rolls his eyes. "You're so damn full of yourself."

"Well, you're only addin' to the ego, Cullen, by thinkin' I'm dead sexy," I joke.

He jabs me in the ribs. "You know what? Keep talking like this, because if you do, I'll be over it in no time."

I jab him back. "Oh, very nice!"

A few more jabs are exchanged, until we both burst out laughing, hanging onto the rail and each other for balance as we double over. When we eventually straighten up, I realize something. The others are heading back across the grass towards us, chatting enthusiastically, Esme carrying a sleepy Maggie.

It's over.

And I completely missed the fireworks.


	4. Three: December

_**A/N – Thank you to all my reviewers for the last chapter :D **_

_**This one was kind of… well, I didn't know how best to write it. I eventually settled on doing it this way. I hope you enjoy it.**_

* * *

_**Three**_

_** December**_

I hear the sound of a horn outside, so I hit the button on the remote to kill the TV and snatch my wallet from the coffee table.

I'm in the hallway with the screen door already partway open when I yell over my shoulder to my mama. "Ma, I'm goin' out!"

"Hang on!" she yells back when I step onto the porch, and a second later, she's right behind me, dripping soapy dishwater from her hands. "Jasper Michael Hale, don't you even think about leavin' this house without givin' your mama a kiss."

I roll my eyes at her, but comply, stooping to plant a kiss on her cheek. Her long, blonde hair tickles my nose as I draw back.

"There," I say. "Happy now?"

I swear she only does it to embarrass me in front of my friends. The silver Volvo parked up next to the curb has tinted windows, but I know for sure that Edward's watching, and will probably have a sarcastic comment waiting for me as soon as I get in.

"I'd be happier if you wouldn't be so damn grudgin' about it. What would you say, Jasper, if you just left without givin' me a kiss goodbye one day and you came home to find me dead on the couch? I bet you'd feel real guilty, wouldn't ya?"

I roll my eyes again. "Nice, mama. Real cheerful."

"Well, you just think about it."

I shake my head at her wearily as she disappears back into the house, and then jog down to the car. Tugging open the passenger side door, I clamber in.

"So, is she a good kisser?" Edward asks the second I lower myself into the seat. I haven't even buckled up yet.

"Fuck you, buddy," I grumble. He snickers, and adjusts his mirror slightly.

"Alright, Jazz, where to?"

"I dunno. It's only a bit of shoppin'. The mall?"

His jaw actually drops. "The mall?" Fingers clenched on the steering wheel, he twists in his chair to give me the sort of frown that my Gramma usually gives. "For Christmas shopping? We aren't going to be more creative than that?"

"You're the creative one," I point out. "You tell me."

Edward sighs like he doesn't know why he puts up with me. Then, weirdly, he echoes my thoughts. "I don't know why the hell I put up with you sometimes, Hale."

"Cuz I'm your best friend?" I supply, giving him my best innocent smile.

He narrows his eyes at me. "You realize that you don't get to use that one as a comeback for the rest of the week, now?"

"Damn it. Played that card too soon."

"Rookie mistake."

He pulls away from the house, and I reach over for my seatbelt. Edward treats speed limits the same way he treats all rules – as rough guidelines, rather than things that must be obeyed. I watch the speedometer inch closer to sixty. In a forty mile zone.

"Dude…" I warn.

He just grins at me. "We're living on the edge, Jazz."

"And I'd kinda like to keep livin', if it's all the same to you." I nod at the dash. "Drop the speed, before you wrap us around a tree."

"Alright, mom," he grumbles, but eases up on the gas a little. "You know, living in Manhattan, I never really got to drive all that much. It's probably the one thing that I like about Texas."

"The _one_ thing?" I adopt an injured voice. "How quickly you dismiss our love!"

Edward grins. "Okay, one of the two things." He brightens. "Oh, did I tell you?"

"Gee, I dunno. Be vaguer, Cullen."

"My cousin is coming to town. She's gonna be staying with us over Christmas."

"Oh, really? Where's she visitin' from?"

"London. You're gonna love her."

I feel a spark of interest stirring in my chest. More of Edward's exotic, interesting, and – let's be honest, if the ones I've met so far are any indication – ridiculously fucking good-looking relatives. "What's her name? What's she like?"

"Alice Brandon. She's my mom's sister's daughter, and she's probably my favorite family member. She's twenty. She's… well, she's kinda quirky, and she never fucking shuts up, and she likes to get her own way, and I've literally never met anyone who's so into clothes…"

"So far, I'm sensin' the family resemblance," I interject. Edward cuts me a look.

"If you think I'm bad…" He whistles softly, and then puts on his uncanny Southern impersonation. "Hot da-yum, boy, you ain't seen nothin' yet!"

I burst out laughing. "Oh, Jesus, this town is gonna be in some serious trouble."

"With Alice around? No question."

The trees blur past the windows, and I notice that Edward has sneakily picked up his speed again while I've been distracted. "Slow the fuck down, Cullen, otherwise you don't get to drive next time." He complies with another resentful mutter under his breath. "So, when does she get into town?"

He gives me a shark-like smile, eyes glinting mischievously. "On Friday."

We end up in Corsicana, of course, because Edward has this real annoying habit of being able to talk me into absolutely anything. Plus, he was the one driving, so I didn't get to do my whole 'if you don't stop, I'm gonna pull over' routine.

For a couple of hours, we mainly trail around from store to store, picking out stuff for our sisters. I buy Rose a necklace that I know she wants, and I get Tanya a cool jade charm bracelet thing that she'll totally love. Kate's present is less girly – I prepay for some kickboxing lessons for her. What can I say? The girl has a lot of aggression that she needs to work out of her system.

Edward has bought Maggie about ten presents by the time we stop for lunch. He drags us to this total hipster coffee shop to eat, and I go along with it because he tempts me with the offer of 'literally the world's best frappuccino'.

When the waitress brings our food, she gives Edward a sultry smile and a hair flip that he seems completely oblivious to. I kick him under the table.

"Ow!" He winces. "The fuck was that for?"

"That waitress was totally checking you out, and you ignored her."

He points exaggeratedly at his own face. "Hi. Edward Cullen. Homo. Have we met?"

I'm trying not to laugh, but it's a real struggle. "That's not the point. You should still have acknowledged her. She might've given us money off our bill."

This time, he's the one who looks like he's trying not to laugh. "That's despicable, Hale."

"I prefer to think of it as usin' what God gave ya."

He cracks up. "You are _so_ going to Hell."

I lower my sandwich and try to grin around the huge bite I've just taken. "I'll save ya a seat."

"You better," he warned. "I don't want to end up sitting next to Crowley for my eternal damnation."

"I doubt you will. He's a good, God fearin' Christian boy. He'll be up at the pearly gates, enjoyin' the climate while we enjoy the company."

A strange look passes over Edward's face. It's almost like he knows something I don't. "Ha. I wouldn't be so sure."

"Why not?"

He just shrugs mysteriously, and then starts playing with his tongue piercing, clicking it against his teeth. I kick him under the table again.

"Ow! The waitress isn't even here!"

"I didn't kick you about that, this time."

"Then what the fuck are you kicking me for?"

"Don't bite your tongue bar, you'll ruin your teeth."

"What are you, my _mother_?"

I shrug. "Fine. Have it your way, but don't come cryin' to me when your teeth are all chipped and that pretty face ain't so pretty anymore."

His eyebrows rise incredulously and he scoffs. "Pretty face? Funny."

I frown at him, because he actually sounds like he means it. "You're shittin' me, right?"

"About what?"

"You don't see yourself very clearly, Cullen. You act all surprised when people think you're hot."

He turns faintly pink, but doesn't let go of the bravado. "Are you saying I'm hot?"

"I'm sayin' don't act surprised." I take a swig of my coffee, and even though I'm not looking at him, I can feel his eyes on me. I clear my throat awkwardly. "And, you know, objectively speaking, yeah. I'd say you're a looker."

"Thanks, Jasper." He sounds all shy and quiet, so I glance back up at him, surprised by the change in tone. He's staring down at his plate, an uncharacteristically flustered look on his face.

I kick him again.

"Fucking ow! What have I done this time?"

"Quit swoonin' about me and eat your damn food."

"I wasn't fucking swooning over you," he snaps, but he's smiling. "That was _so_ six weeks ago."

I laugh.

* * *

The week passes in a blur of football practice and schoolwork. Edward's been all over my ass about studying hard and actually applying myself, and I was astonished to realize a few weeks ago that he's been right all along. I _am_ a lot smarter than I ever gave myself credit for. My grades have been so good that I've been bumped up to some AP classes, much to the delight of my mama and Gramma, and the bewilderment of most of my friends.

At practice on Monday, Mike sums up their astonishment in one simple phrase. "Well, fuck me. Looks like Hale's been takin' nerd pills or somethin'".

When Friday comes around, Edward and I pile into his car. He's keyed up like a kid in a candy store, practically bouncing in his seat as he drives – too fuckin' fast – along the well-worn road up to his place. I can't remember why, at first, until he kills the engine in his drive and nearly hurls himself out the car.

I follow suit, at a much calmer pace, just as the front door is flung open and I hear a squeal of delight, followed by;

"TEDDY!"

A small purple-and-black blur hurtles down the porch steps and along the drive, and I just have time to see Edward throw his arms out before the blur hits him square in the chest, sending them both tumbling to the ground. Once they've landed, I can see that the blur is actually a girl, and I remember.

Alice.

I study her as she jumps up and helps Edward to his feet. She's tiny. I could probably fit her in my pocket… but Jesus H. Christ, she's _gorgeous_.

Her hair is as black as her skintight jeans, and styled in a pixie cut that frames her elfin face. She has dainty, delicate features that are nothing like Edward's, and yet, still weirdly resemble him in some way. Her flashing eyes are nearly as dark as her hair, and her skin is so pale it almost glows. She's wearing a purple top with a twisting silver pattern on the front, and it somehow manages to hang loosely off one shoulder, exposing her skin, and simultaneously cling to her chest – which is a lot fuller than you'd expect on a girl her size – and her itty-bitty waist. She's like a real life Betty Boop in six-inch heels.

_Holy. Fucking. Shit_.

"Have you missed me?" she teases Edward, who's grinning down at her – a long way down – like she's the one thing that's been missing from his life, and she's just arrived to make it complete.

"You bet, half-pint."

She shoves him playfully, and then catches sight of me. Her eyes sparkle. "Ooh, Edward, who's this?"

The English accent, I decide, is cute as all hell.

"This is my friend, Jasper. Jasper, my cousin Alice."

Alice skips towards me – well, not quite, but her walk is almost that fluid and lively – and sticks out her hand for me to shake. As I take it, she says, "So, Jasper, are you Arthur or Martha?"

I chuckle. Edward slaps his palm to his forehead in despair.

"I'm straight," I say.

"Sucks to be Edward," she sighs. "A face like yours… well, you might even be able to set me on the straight and narrow."

I raise my eyebrows. That, I didn't expect. "So you're…?"

"Yup. Homo runs in the family, just like wit, charm and a killer body."

My grin widens even further, so big I think it might actually break my face. You know those people that you can't help but instantly love? Alice is one of them.

"How long are you stayin' in town?" I ask, as the three of us walk up to the house, Alice in the middle. She bounces with each step, I notice, like an excitable little puppy. It's hard to believe she's two years older than me – she looks about sixteen.

"Well…" Instead of going inside, Alice strolls over to the porch swing and sits down, crossing one leg over the other at the knee and reaching into her back pocket to produce a pack of smokes and a lighter. She takes one out, lights it, and then tosses the pack to Edward.

I consider for a moment, and then take a seat on the swing beside her.

"I'm staying for Christmas and then maybe a little longer. I don't know, I might even stay until university starts up again in January." She takes a long drag on her cigarette, and then blows out a thin stream of smoke through her ruby-painted lips. "Depends on how well my darling little cousin entertains me."

Edward, I note with some surprise, has also lit up a cigarette. I watch him for a moment as he takes a drag, puzzled. How did I not know that he smoked? It's not exactly a subtle habit.

"Cuz," he says, blowing out white smoke in a series of perfect circles. Smoke rings. Cool. "I can't exactly guarantee you non-stop fun over here. We aren't in New York, anymore."

"More's the pity," Alice sighs. She flicks her cigarette to get rid of the excess ash, and I pull my foot back hastily to avoid it landing on my shoe. "Do you remember last New Year's Eve, Ted?"

Edward's eyes light up in a way I've never seen before. "Do I ever. I thought you were gonna get us arrested."

"I nearly did. Did you ever figure out how we ended up in Newark?"

"No, my memory is still mostly blank from that night. Kind of like your nineteenth birthday party in Shoreditch."

"Oh my God!" she giggles, clapping one hand to her mouth. "Do you remember that guy you were talking to that night?"

"Which one?"

"The blond one with the Mohawk."

"Oh, yeah. He's one of your new roommates, isn't he? What's his name again?"

"Alec."

"Right." Edward seems entertained. I'm caught between them in their conversation, not having the slightest clue what's going on. I find myself feeling strangely jealous, but I'm not sure who I'm jealous of. Edward, for having been to London, hanging out with British college kids? Or Alice, for knowing this whole other side of my best friend that I've not seen before? "He was a fucking terrible kisser."

"Well, he _was_ really hammered," Alice allows.

"So was I. Not an excuse."

They both take draws on their cigarettes simultaneously, and then Edward seems to realize they've kinda been running away with the conversation without me, because he flashes me a guilty look. "Sorry, Jazz, I bet you're totally lost right now." He glances down at the packet of smokes still in his other hand. "You want one?"

"No, thanks," I decline with a shake of my head. "Athlete, remember? Smoking's bad."

"So are we," Alice smirks. Edward snickers.

"I'm startin' to see that," I say, my lips twitching as I try to hold back a smile. "You've been keepin' all these stories to yourself," I continue, raising one eyebrow at Edward. He shrugs.

"Oh, Teddy, have you been trying to pretend that you're all sweet and innocent?" Alice teases, clucking her tongue in disapproval. "We can't have that."

"Go ahead and sully my reputation all you want, half-pint," Edward says. "I don't have much of one round here, anyway."

She gives him a strange look. Sort of sharp, almost, like she's censuring him about something, but I can't see what there is that he could've done wrong. Then she turns to me. "Want to hear some stories about my baby cousin's bad boy antics?"

"I kinda do."

"Keep it clean, Ali," Edward warns. "Don't go into graphic detail about… stuff."

She looks surprised. "What, you mean sex stuff?"

Edward shrugs, and I can see a tinge of pink appearing in his cheeks again. "Yeah. I guess. Jazz probably doesn't want to hear about… that sort of thing."

I shoot him a frown. "I can take it. It's not like I'm exactly pure and innocent. Besides, you think I don't hear enough graphic sex talk hangin' out in the locker rooms with the football team?"

"Yeah, but that's… different."

"Why? Cuz it's boy-girl?"

He doesn't answer, which pretty much answers for him. Alice is looking between the two of us disapprovingly. I'm not sure who it's directed at, but I really don't want it to be me. I especially don't like the implication that I'm some sort of narrow-minded homophobe who can't stand to hear his friends talking about same-sex sex.

"Fuck's sake, Edward!" I snap. "How many times do I have to tell you I don't care before you'll believe me?"

"People round here…" he begins, but I cut him off.

"I'm not like the other people round here, and you damn well know it. I'm not some bigoted prick, so stop actin' like I'm suddenly gonna turn into one. Jesus!"

I scowl. He scuffs the toe of his converse on the floor, not meeting my eyes. Alice groans.

"Take the boy at his word, Teddy, and chill the fuck out," she says bluntly. "I know you've been walking around on tenterhooks the entire time you've been here, but maybe the people in the South aren't as bad as you thought they were going to be."

Finally, he looks up and meets my eyes. I see embarrassment and a little bit of shame reflected in the emerald depths of his irises. He knows he's being stupid for not trusting me not to freak out on him. But I also see a glint of fear. He's still scared that I might, no matter what I say to reassure him.

"_Men_," Alice grumbles to nobody in particular. "Is it any wonder I don't want anything to do with you people?"

We both look over at her to see her slouched in her chair, arms folded tightly over her chest, looking like a petulant child.

I glance at Edward. He glances at me.

We burst out laughing.

* * *

The run-up to Christmas goes very quickly, for several reasons. One, all of my sisters are home, so my house is complete anarchy. I swear – if I hear one more fight that starts like "Mama! Gramma! Rosalie/Tanya/Kate stole my…" then my head is actually going to explode. I love all three of those girls to the ends of the world and back again, but fucking hell, they're hard to live with. I find myself seeking refuge at Edward's (I would alternate between him and Emmett, but the McCarty brood is nearly as bad as my own lot) and Esme has sorta become my agony aunt about the whole thing. Well, Esme and Alice.

Which brings me onto reason number two; Alice. Edward may be a big hit over at my house, but Alice has now proclaimed to everyone who will listen that I am officially the love of her life, and that we're going to become asexual life partners – I'm really not wild about the 'asexual' part – and live in some luxurious apartment in some buzzing city somewhere. I gotta admit, I kinda love her, too. Weirdly, though, hot as she undoubtedly is, I just can't seem to see her that way.

Might be because I know I can't have her.

With Alice demanding my attention wherever possible, though, it's making the days fly by. The girl is a pocket-sized tornado, and time just seems to instantly go on fast-forward when you hang out with her.

I really like to see Edward when he's around Alice. He's like a different guy. He's freer, somehow. Less wary. He speaks without thinking about it, and he babbles just as bad as she does. I point this out to him and he gets all embarrassed. I can't help but think it's kinda sweet.

I get Edward and Alice concert tickets for Christmas. They're thrilled. Edward tops it, though. He gets me a first edition of _On the Road_, cuz he knows it's my favorite book. I really don't know what to say, and I have to go into the other room on Christmas eve when we're doing our present swap, because I'm pretty sure I'm gonna cry. I don't, but it's a close call. Nobody has ever given me anything that thoughtful. Alice gets me clothes. A _lot_ of them – in case you can't tell, the Cullens/Brandons are totally loaded. She says it's about damn time I stop dressing like a corn-fed hick. (Her words. I tried to explain once that we're much more of a cotton and livestock farming state, but to no avail).

Mama raises her eyebrows at the absurd generosity of my friends – especially over the book – but doesn't say anything. I get a pretty good haul from my family as well, and Christmas day comes and goes without any of my sisters trying to kill each other (or me) so that's a relief.

The week after Christmas, Alice insists on making me shop with her and Maggie while Edward – in a show of bonding that takes me totally by surprise – offers to teach Rosalie some stuff about cars. Apparently, he's constructing another one in his garage as a pet project, and my sister – fascinated by mechanics, it seems – practically begged him to let her pitch in.

One day that week, Edward is with Rosalie – again – and Alice and I decide to go out for a drink in Corsicana. (I don't know how she manages these things, but she's got fake ID's for us both – apparently, she can legally drink in the UK, and finds the 21-and-over limit ridiculous). We're sitting in a bar down some little side street, with a booth to ourselves, when she corners me about a surprising topic.

My love life.

"Jasper," she says seriously, leaning forwards and propping her bony elbows on the table. "Talk to me. How come a boy as handsome as you doesn't have a girlfriend?"

I gape at her incredulously over my glass of Jack and coke. "What?"

"Well… you're gorgeous. You're smart. You're funny. You're the fucking quarterback of your football team. Why haven't you got a girlfriend? You should be beating them off with a stick."

I cradle my drink in my palms. "Oh. Well, to be honest… I just ain't really thought much about it, these past few months."

"Why not?" She sounds genuinely curious.

"I dunno. See, I was datin' this girl Jessica for like nine months back in junior year, but I broke up with her, and since then… well, I fooled around with a couple of girls at parties here and there, but I ain't really been attracted to anyone else. Not, like, in an _I-wanna-date-her_ sort of way."

"Interesting," Alice says slowly. "I think we need to go out for New Year's Eve. To a party. Where there'll be booze and women a-plenty. Oh, and men a-plenty too, for Teddy's sake."

I grin at her ruefully. "A party?"

"Not one of your shitty little high school ones. No offence. But a proper one."

"Where are you gonna score us an invite to an over-21… you know what? I'm not even gonna ask. If anyone can do it, it's you."

Alice beams, and then laughs. "You know it, babe."

* * *

True to her word, Alice finds us a party to go to in Corsicana when New Years comes around. A proper one. With booze and women a-plenty. She's even managed to score us a motel room to crash in afterwards, so we don't end up driving back trashed. Resourceful doesn't even begin to describe that girl.

I'm waiting for them to come pick me up, and I'm still getting ready when there's a knock on my bedroom door.

"It's open," I yell, preoccupied by trying to tame my short blond waves into a reasonable hairstyle. It's not going well.

My door opens, and a sheet of long, poker-straight blonde hair pokes around it, followed by a pair of dark blue eyes.

"You're not jackin' off or anythin', right?"

"For real, Kate?" I snap, eyeing her reflection reproachfully. "You think I'd let you in if I was?"

"There's no tellin' what goes through the mind of an eighteen year old boy, Jay."

I almost laugh, but because it's my sister, I change my mind and scrunch up my nose at her. "What'cha doin' tonight?"

She pushes the door open wider and slides through. Without waiting for an invitation, she sits down on my unmade bed. I watch her studying me in the mirror. "I'm havin' a quiet one. Tan's already gone out, but I can't be fucked, if I'm bein' honest." She eyes me some more. "_You_ look nice." It's almost an accusation.

"Yeah. I'm goin' out with Edward and Alice. We're hittin' up a party in Corsicana."

"I don't even wanna know what you guys pulled to get into a party up there," she says with a grin. Kate is twenty-one, and Tanya's twenty-three, so both are legally allowed, hell, expected to go out and drink themselves sober tonight. Tanya's gone, and will probably be halfway to trashed by now, but Katie staying in is uncharacteristic.

"Katie, how come you ain't goin' out?"

"I just don't feel like it."

I decide not to press her any further, though I don't buy her explanation for a second. "Okay."

"You lookin' to score tonight, baby bro?" she teases. "Maybe finally get some offa…"

"Alice is gay," I sigh. I've already had this conversation with Tanya this morning. I don't want to have it again.

"I wasn't gonna say Alice."

I give her a sidelong look. "What were you gonna say then?"

She gives me an unfathomable smile. "Nothin'. So, you guys headin' to a gay bar, then? Majority rules, and all that…"

"No. We're just goin' out."

"Poor Edward. He's gonna end up standin' in a corner while you and Alice get it on with some drunken sorority girls." Kate, like the rest of the Hale/Whitlock women, thinks the sun shines outta Edward's every orifice. They hit it off from the very first sentence they spoke to each other.

I fix my t-shirt, wondering, not for the first time, if it's too clingy. It's one that Alice bought me – a dark navy crew neck that she insisted would make my eyes pop – but it hugs my body a little too tightly for my liking. I mean, you can practically see my abs through the thing. She glared at me when I mentioned it, and told me to just trust her and shut the fuck up about it. So I did. The little English pixie can be downright scary when she's mad.

"D'you think the black jeans go?" I ask Kate suddenly. She looks surprised, but she nods.

"You look hot, Jay. Smokin'. And believe me, that's a depressin' adjective to use for your little brother."

"Thanks," I feel my face heat up. "And as for Edward, he's hardly the type to be all shy and retirin' and stand in a corner while Ali and I have all the fun. I wouldn't worry about him. Has Rosie called?"

Rose is – much to my consternation as a protective big brother – in Mexico with the McCartys for New Years. I've been makin' her check in twice a day. Mama only said to check in once in the morning, but I feel better if she does it in the evening, too.

"She called when you were in the shower," Kate replies, with an eye roll. "You need to loosen the leash on that poor girl, Jay. You're as bad as Daddy."

We both suck in a sharp breath as that last sentence falls from her lips. Pain shoots through my heart, and I can tell from her expression that Katie feels the same way. We don't bring Dad up all that often – his death is too fresh in our minds.

It was a heart-attack last May that killed him. Mama always says that she thanks God that he went quick and without any real pain. I just wish I'd had the chance to say goodbye.

"Thanks, Katie," I murmur. "That's actually a compliment."

She smiles, and holds out her arms for me to give her a hug. I lean down and wrap my arms around her skinny waist, squeezing her gently. She buries her head in my shoulder.

"I miss him, Jay-Jay."

"I do, too."

She pulls back when we hear the doorbell go. "That'll be for you."

I give her one last sad smile and jog down the stairs, grabbing my jacket from the hook on the way. I'm just about to throw open the door, when I remember Mama and quickly dash into the kitchen to kiss her cheek. She beams up at me, and tells me to have fun. I answer in the affirmative.

When I reach the door again, I shrug on my jacket, and throw it open.

My chin just about hits the deck.

Alice looks… well, there aren't words. She's in this ultra-short, ultra-tight black dress with little diamond bits cut out of the sides, revealing some of her snowy white skin. Her eyeliner is all dramatic and her lips are bright red. She's got total sex-hair.

If I were a chick, I'd beg her to fuck me. Hell, I briefly consider begging her anyway.

"God_damn_, Alice!"

She giggles and twirls. "You like?"

"You kiddin'?" I step out, and pull the door closed behind me. She looks me up and down with a critical eye.

"If you don't get laid tonight, then it's a really sad lookout for straight women everywhere," she declares, and I feel myself flush. "C'mon, Edward's in the car."

I follow her down the path, and she hops in the back as I open the passenger door and climb into the front seat. I reach round to do up my seatbelt. "Hey, Edward, are you ready to get completely shitfaced and…"

I trail off when I actually get a proper look at him. He's wearing his usual black skinny jeans, but he's teamed it with a silk shirt in a deep wine red color, and the fact that his top two buttons are open means that the edge of the tattoo on his left shoulder and upper arm is visible. His hair is out-of-control messy, like he's just rolled out of bed. Someone else's bed.

He's always good-looking, but right now, he looks insanely hot. And I don't even have a problem thinking that. If Bella could see him, she'd probably pass out.

Is it weird that I called my best friend hot? Nah. It's not like _I_ find him attractive. I objectively know that he is. It's a different thing.

I just won't say it out loud. Don't want anyone getting the wrong idea.

He has no such qualms. "You look good, Hale. Did Alice dress you?"

I grin. "Yeah. Well, not physically, but she picked this stuff out." I pulled at the shirt for a moment. "You don't think the top's too small?"

He raises an eyebrow. "I'm probably the wrong person to ask."

He winks jokingly.

And I go beet-red.

I quickly turn my face away, certain he'll be able to see the blush, even in the darkness. I don't know why I'm blushing. I'm not uncomfortable with the teasing. I just… I don't know.

I really fucking don't.

"Alright, man," I say, still staring out the window rather than at him. "But if I get kicked out for looking indecent, you guys only have yourselves to blame."

Edward mutters something under his breath that I don't quite catch, but Alice must've, because she laughs quietly.

* * *

Alice is the one who does all the talking on the drive there, and then when we check in at the motel. I'm surprised to find out that we only booked in the one room.

When I ask Alice about it, she merely grins and says, "It's just insurance. With any luck, none of us will need it."

We dump our stuff in the room and then lock up. I take the key, mainly because I don't trust Alice not to run off and leave me stranded in the cold. Then we head out and walk the couple of blocks to where the party is.

The place is packed. As in, like sardines. The music's insane, and the bass is so strong that I can feel each beat reverberating through my chest like a second heartbeat. I grin at the other two, elated, as we weave through the crowd towards the bar.

It takes us a while to get served, and while we wait, a couple of shot girls seem to find us. Alice seems to persuade them to give me and Edward some free stuff while we wait.

Six tequila shots and two vodka shooters later, we get served our drinks. We order another couple of shots for good measure.

I lose them both in the crowd round about ten-thirty. Alice has disappeared off with some pretty blonde she was talking to, and God knows where they went. Edward is nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, sugar, you look lost!" A voice behind me calls loudly.

I turn. There's a girl standing there, probably in her early twenties. She's sorta Alice-like in build, except she's a little taller. Hispanic, and pretty damn fuckable.

"Not lost," I lean down so my mouth is level with her ear. "Just lookin' for my friends."

"You find 'em?" she asks.

"No," I say. Then I pull in a deep breath and think _what the hell_. I place one hand on her waist and continue, "But I think I found somethin' better."

Eleven-thirty comes, and I'm making out with the girl – her name's Maria – in one of the wall booths. I was right about the older thing. She's twenty-three. Tanya's age. She thinks I'm twenty-one. Oops. We're really getting into it, all hot and heavy, and I'm hard as a fucking rock as she straddles my lap and is nibbling her way down my neck, when I catch sight of something out of the corner of my eye.

It's Edward.

And some guy.

And they're getting it on. The guy has Edward up against the wall, his tongue in his mouth, and Edward's clearly okay with it, considering that his hands are fisted in his hair and he's kissing him back pretty intensely. Nobody is giving them a second look, bar me.

Because I can't stop looking.

I'm watching Edward's tongue flicking into this strange guy's mouth, and even from here, I can see the glint of metal that's his tongue ring. His hook-up seems to be pretty appreciative of it, judging by the way he's rolling his hips against him.

I feel strange. Nauseous. I fervently hope the alcohol isn't affecting me badly enough that I'm gonna vomit.

Maria pulls her head up and crushes her mouth back against mine, then, and my eyes close instinctively. Her tongue is in my mouth, and although I'm responding on autopilot, my hazy, drunk mind is still wandering.

And it's wandering off in a very weird direction.

Because all I seem to be thinking is…

_I wonder what it feels like, kissing someone with a tongue ring? _

Maria bites down on my lip, and I grunt in approval. My hands tighten around her waist, and she squirms on top of me. I plunge my tongue into her mouth, and she hums and squirms again. It's fucking good.

_I wonder if guys kiss differently to girls? Is it more aggressive? It definitely _looks_ more aggressive… _

_Would it be fun?_

Maria's hands slide down my chest, and she deepens the kiss further. Her fingers toy with the button on my jeans, and then she pops it open. I pull myself out of my weird thoughts abruptly.

"Hey," I murmur against her mouth. "What're you doin'?"

"What do you think?" Her hand rubs against my raging hard on through my clothes, and I can't help my hips from shifting upwards as a shiver runs through me.

"We can't… do that… here," I pant, as she carries right on stroking me.

"Why not?"

"We're in public…"

"Nobody cares."

What she was saying is true, but it still makes me uncomfortable. I pull away from her when she tries to kiss me again, and this time, I shift her off my lap. When I do, I catch sight of Edward again. And I gasp.

Because he's not kissing that guy anymore.

He's standing there alone.

And his lip is bleeding.

"Maria, I gotta go," I say, and I just get up. She calls me back, confused, but I'm already ducking through the crowd towards where Edward is standing. He's staring at his hand, which is glistening red with his own blood, and he looks bewildered. He's trashed, I realize, but then again, so am I. I know I'm not quite as steady or as fast as I should be.

Finally, I reach him. My fingers close around his wrist.

He flinches, and then realizes that it's me.

"Edward, what the hell happened?" I ask. He wipes his hand on his jeans.

"Nothing. It's fine. Don't worry."

I grab his shoulders. "Tell me."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does to me."

"Alright… well, I was kissing some guy and then he seemed to freak out about what he was doing and he punched me and took off. It's not a big deal. It happens."

I see red. "He what?! That doesn't just fuckin' happen! What kind of fuckin' cunt would do that?"

"A sexually confused one," Edward says. His words are slightly slurred, but his tone is soothing. "Calm down, Jazz. It's okay."

"I'll kick his ass."

"It's too late. He left. Let it go." He glances around the room for a second, and I can see that his green eyes are slightly glassy. Whether he gets it or not, I can tell that Edward is more hurt by what happened than he's letting on.

I lose all enthusiasm for the party after that.

"Fine. Then we're leaving."

"No, you were having fun… I can't just…"

"We're going, Edward. Where's Alice?"

He manages a half-smile, but winces as it stretches his split lip. "She left with some blonde chick just after midnight."

After midnight? I'm surprised. I glance at my watch. It's nearly one a.m.!

I totally missed the New Year, then.

* * *

Edward and I manage to stumble back to the motel. It takes me three tries to get the key in the door, which makes him snicker. "Let me…"

I stand back, and he's marginally more successful. He gets it in on the second try, and with a quick twist, we're in. I breathe a sigh of relief when Alice isn't in there. I half-expected to find her and her girl in some insanely (hot) compromising position. Edward stumbles over to one of the beds and sits on the mattress edge, leaning over to flip on the light.

With proper illumination, his lip looks fucking painful. It's already swelling slightly, and it'll probably be the size of Texas tomorrow, but at least the cut doesn't look too deep. I cross the room to the tiny little en suite bathroom and grab a flannel. I run it under warm water for a moment, and then go back into the other room.

Edward's still sitting in the same position, and his eyes still have that slightly glassy, on-the-verge-of-tears look. It's the most vulnerable I've ever seen him, and it's kinda breaking my heart a little bit. I sit down beside him, bringing one leg across the bed so that I can face him head-on.

I reach over and hook my fingers under his chin, turning his face towards me. He jumps at the contact.

"Jasper…"

"Hold still. I'm gonna clean your lip, 'kay?"

He nods. I hold the cloth up to his face and gently dab away the blood. When I'm done, I toss it to the floor and let go of his chin. His whole body seems to sag slightly.

I can't bear to see him looking so defeated. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"You know that what happened isn't your fault, right? He was just bein' a… well, I dunno. Like you said, he was probably confused. It had nothin' to do with you." He nods glumly. I search my brain for something that'll cheer him up. "Or… you know, you might just be a fuckin' terrible kisser."

It works. He laughs. Then he jabs me in the stomach.

"Ow!"

I jab him back.

"Hey!"

He pulls his tongue bar between his teeth and starts chewing on it, again. I stare at his mouth for a few seconds, my head feeling a little fuzzy. He'll ruin his teeth. Instead of chiding him, this time, I reach out to poke his tongue back in his damn mouth. Before I can get there, he catches my hand. He laces his fingers through mine.

I freeze, confused.

Then the little fucker starts bending my wrist back on itself.

"Ow! Ow! Motherfucker! Stop it!" I'm laughing through the pain.

"Say 'uncle'!" he teases, and there's not a trace of the moroseness that was in his voice a minute ago.

"Never!"

"Say it!"

My wrist is gonna break clean in two if I let him bend it back any further, so I cry out, "Uncle! I give, I give!"

He pulls it back into a more natural position, but he doesn't let go.

"Thanks, Jazz. Who knew torturing you could make me feel better?"

He grins. I grin back.

Then, abruptly, he leans forwards and presses his lips against mine.

My heart stops. It literally freezes mid-beat.

It only lasts for a second, and then he pulls away. His eyes are like saucers, and they're really, really green. Nobody normal has eyes that color. It's impossible.

My heart still isn't working.

"Shit, I…" Edward lets go of my hand and runs his fingers through his already messy hair. I trace the motion with my eyes, scared to even breathe.

My heart starts beating again, and now it's going like the fucking clappers.

And I'm scared for a whole bunch of reasons.

But mostly because I didn't want him to pull away before I had the chance to kiss him back.

He's still freaking, and I make a snap decision. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I… _mmpfh_!"

The rest of his apology is drowned out as I place one palm on the back of his neck and drag his face back to mine.

He tenses up for a second, too shocked to react. But then…

His lips start to move against mine.

His fist closes around the material of the front of my shirt. His other hand slides into my hair. My free arm is braced on the mattress behind him.

And we're kissing. His lips are softer than I would've thought, but firm in the way they're moving against my own. I obey the pressure, pushing all concern that I might be hurting his lip out of my mind, because, if anything, he's kissing me even harder now. His tongue brushes against my bottom lip, and, heart hammering, I open my mouth, allowing him entry.

And suddenly, I don't need to wonder what it feels like, kissing someone with a tongue ring.

Because now, I know.

It's fucking fantastic.

His tongue explores my mouth languidly, as he slows the pace right down. The ball bearing of his piercing scrapes against the roof of my mouth, and I can't help the shudder that ripples through me. Or the low moan that escapes my throat.

I fall backwards, my head hitting the pillow, as Edward shoves me, never breaking the kiss. My tongue is deep in his mouth, now, and he tastes like salt and tequila. I know that I shouldn't be doing this. I know that I shouldn't be kissing him. I shouldn't want to.

But, fuck me, I want to.

He groans when my hand slips up and under his shirt, and the kiss deepens. Our lips are moving fiercely, now, and I'm gasping for air each time we break apart for a second.

I thought I'd been turned on with Maria, but I hadn't even fucking known what the word meant, because this, right now, feeling the furious movements of Edward's lips and teeth and tongue against mine, feeling the hard muscles of his back beneath my fingertips, smelling the mingling scents of alcohol and aftershave and sweat, _this_ is arousal.

My jeans are so fucking tight that they're actually causing me pain, and when Edward rolls slightly so that he's practically lying on top of me, I can feel that he has the same problem. And fuck, that's hot.

He pulls back, breaking the kiss, and I pull air into my eagerly waiting lungs. I wait for him to claim my mouth again, but he doesn't. Instead, his lips brush against the haywire pulse in my neck. His tongue flicks out against it, just as he grinds his hips down into mine.

"Fuck, Edward!" I gasp. He grins against my throat.

"What was that, Jasper? Did you like that?"

His voice is gravelly and deep, and it goes straight to my groin. My dick twitches, and then I moan again as he thrusts his hips.

"Oh, God," I pant.

_Do that again. Don't do that again. What the fuck am I doing? _

I grab his hips, fingers biting into the skin. He sucks in a breath. I flip us over, so that I'm the one on top, pressing down into him.

He grins, drunken and cocky, and… well, fuck. Sexy as hell. "You fucking want me, Hale. I fucking _knew_ it."

I shiver, though I try to disguise it. His eyes are green fire as they look up into mine, and they're darker than normal. The searing lust has dilated his pupils to fuck.

I'm still drunk as all hell, so I don't give a damn when I say, "You fuckin' want me, too. You have ever since I spoke to you that day at school." I sit up, and I'm straddling my best friend. On a bed. With a fucking erection. And it feels _epic_.

His hands unexpectedly grab my ass, and I yelp, as he uses me to pull himself into a sitting position, underneath me. We're chest to chest, and I'm sitting on him. It should feel wrong, but it doesn't. It should feel weird, and it kinda does. But not for the reasons I expected.

I lock my arms behind his neck, trapping him there. He looks up at me through his eyelashes, eyes hooded with arousal.

"Mmm…" he runs his fingertips down my thighs, and I writhe at the sensation, which makes him hiss sharply. "_Fuck_. This is turning into a strange night."

"Yeah," I agree, and my voice is completely hoarse and ragged with need.

"You wanna know a secret?"

"Okay." Talking would probably be smart. I need to sober up and come at this whole situation with a clear mind. Plus, if we keep kissing, I don't fucking know if we'd stop there.

And that terrifies me.

"I've wanted you since before then."

"Since when, then?"

"Since you literally ran into me on those stairs at Lauren Mallory's house."

Wow. Long time.

"In the kitchen that night…" I whisper, only now realizing the truth in what I'm about to say. "When you cornered me…"

"You liked it."

"I… how did you know I was gonna say that?"

"Because your eyes dilated like fuck when I got all up in your face, and you could barely breathe." He moves his face closer to mine, so that when he next speaks, I can feel his lips brushing against my own. "And I hoped… oh, I really fucking hoped that you might actually be interested. But then I got to know you, and I figured I'd read you wrong that first time."

"You didn't."

"I get that, now." He kisses me again. It doesn't last long this time, barely more than a peck, but it still makes me feel like I'm on fire. I can feel myself starting to sober up a little, but I can't feel any lessening in my arousal, and I still can't bring myself to let go of Edward.

I don't fucking want to.

If anything, I wanna get closer.

"Hey, Jasper, why don't you have a girlfriend?" he murmurs against my mouth.

"You put Alice up to that, didn't you?"

"No. She wondered about you all on her own." He brushes a kiss against my jaw, and I shiver. He hums in satisfaction, and it's pretty much the best sound I've ever heard. "And you haven't answered my question."

"I've just been suckin' on your fuckin' tonsils, Edward, doesn't that answer your – ugh!" He rolls his hips, and his erection grinds into mine again. I can't think straight.

"Don't avoid the question. Answer it." He grins. Smug bastard.

It's like the walls I've been building up in my head come crashing down, and I know I've been building them up for a _while_. It all makes sense to me, now. My reaction in the kitchen the night we met. My absolute belief that nobody gets me like Edward. All that staring and studying him I did. How nervous I was to speak to him. How easily he makes me laugh, or blush. The reason I tried so hard when I met his parents that first time. The reason my days suck when I'm not around him.

And when I look at him, then, I see what I've been denying for so long, as well. I see the fact that I always notice what he's wearing. That I'm fascinated by his tattoos. That I'm always admiring his eyes, or staring at his mouth. I'm not frustrated when he does that thing with his tongue ring. It turns me on. I _like_ it.

I like _him_.

We're almost nose-to-nose and he's looking at me, waiting for his answer. The drunkenness is disappearing rapidly now, and everything snaps into focus with stunning clarity in the wake of my internal revelation.

I'm stone-cold sober when I finally answer him. "You wanna know why I don't have a girlfriend, Edward?" My fingers slide into his hair, and his breathing accelerates. He nods. "Because, for the last few months, I've not been interested. I don't give a shit. Fuck girls. I don't want them. Any of them. All I can think about is _you_."

His mouth is on mine before I can fully absorb the life-altering impact of what I've just confessed, and it drives all possibility of coherent thought from my head. I've been with girls, and not a small number of them, but not a single one has ever made me feel like this.

Like my every nerve is exposed.

Like my veins are on fire.

Like my heart is about to beat clean out of my chest.

He pulls back, panting, eyes alight with desire and something else, something deeper. His nose brushes against mine, and his hands trail up my thighs again. Without thinking about it, I press a soft kiss to his injured lip, and the fire in his gaze fucking _smolders_.

I push him back down onto the bed, and slide off his hips. I'm horny as all hell, but he's still fucked and I need time to let this whole thing sink in fully. I lie down on the bed beside him, my breathing still much shallower than normal.

"Jazz?" he whispers.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

I scrub one hand down my face. I can smell Edward's aftershave on my own skin, and the thought makes me smile. Even better, I can still taste him. "Right now? I'm kinda freakin' out. But I'll be okay. Promise."

And I know that I will be okay, as long as Edward's there to help me through it.

"Turn around," Edward whispers in my ear. I tense.

"Why? What are you gonna do?"

He sighs, but he sounds amused. He's also still slurring a little, but whatever. "Chill out, cowboy, this isn't Brokeback Mountain."

I laugh. "Sorry."

"I think you should sleep. I think _I_ should sleep. We can talk about this in the morning. And…" he pauses, and I hold my breath. "I know this is a lot to process, and if I keep kissing you tonight then I'm not gonna be able to stop. I've been fantasizing about it for long enough, and when the reality is better even than the fantasy, it's kinda difficult to control myself."

Oh. Dear. God. I shiver from head to toe.

Turning onto my side, I reach over and pull the cord on the lamp, plunging us into darkness. Everything suddenly feels charged – even more so than before – like there's an electric current humming through the air. Edward's arm curls around me as he pulls me back into his chest, and I nearly jump outta my skin.

"Jasper?" he mumbles, and his breath tickles my ear.

"Yeah?"

"Happy New Year."

A few seconds later, I hear him start to snore.

I lie there awake for a couple of minutes, my head spinning at a million miles an hour. Or maybe I'm not as sober as I think I am, and it's actually the room that's spinning.

The last thought I have as I drift off to sleep is simple.

_Holy. Fucking. Shit._

* * *

_**A/N – Because I'm angsty with my writing, I'll warn Jasper now. **_

_**Don't get too comfortable. **_

_**Muahahahahaha…**_

_**PJ**_

_**x**_


	5. Four: January

_**Four**_

_** January**_

My head feels like it's full of fuckin' rocks grinding together when I wake up. Tentatively, I open my eyes, and the bright light streaming through the window nearly blinds me.

"Owww!" I slap my hand to my forehead and wince. "Fucking hell!"

Then I feel something warm moving beside me, and my eyes fly all the way open.

Jesus fucking Christ! Edward is lying next to me, his arm draped over my waist, his head buried in the pillow.

And suddenly, last night all comes screaming back to me.

The party. The tequila. The vodka.

Maria. That guy punching Edward. That guy kissing Edward.

_Me_ kissing Edward!

_Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck! _

I scoot off the bed and immediately go and sit on the other one, burying my head in my hands. The hangover headache is nothing compared to the enormity of what happened last night.

I fucking kissed my best friend. Plus, there was some pretty heavy groping.

I fucking kissed him!

A lot.

And… I really don't know how I feel about that.

I take a deep breath, and try desperately to sort through the emotions that are rolling around inside of me, making me want to vomit from the sheer confusing intensity of them.

There's panic. Well, duh! Of course I'm fucking panicking. I was wasted, and I full-on made out with a guy. Not just any guy, but my _best friend_! Not just my best friend, but my _gay_ best friend! Not just my gay best friend, but my gay best friend who also happens to be _into _me!

Okay, yeah, so the panic is understandable.

Then, there's confusion. Why the hell did I think that was a good idea? What on earth possessed me to do it? Because I could? Because I wanted to? If the first one's true, then I'm a fucking asshole. If the second one's true, then… am I gay?

No. I can't be.

It's not possible.

Is it?

It must be at least possible, because another emotion I'm feeling is… arousal. The memories of last night are, most definitely, turning me on. I can feel my dick hardening as I replay the way it felt when Edward's teeth bit down on my lip, the way his hips rocked against mine, the way his tongue stud scraped over…

_Okay, move on from that one, Jasper. It's not helping anything_.

The next emotion on my list – fear. I'd come to some pretty messed-up realizations last night, and I'm fucking terrified that they aren't anything I can blame on alcohol. After all, booze only _lowers inhibitions_. It doesn't turn straight guys gay. I don't think.

I glance over at Edward, his face buried in the pillow, his shirt creased to all hell, his hair sticking up in every direction. A smile works its way onto my face before I can consciously stop it. He looks fuckin' adorable.

Okay, so maybe I do actually like him…

But, okay, so I think he's adorable? That doesn't _mean_ anything. I think Rosie's adorable when she's asleep.

_Yeah_, says a voice in my head, _but you don't wanna fuck Rosie…_

Do I wanna fuck _Edward_?

I think about it for a few seconds. I've almost decided that I don't, that everything's okay and I can just write it all off to drunken insanity, when his words from last night creep into my head.

_If I keep kissing you tonight, then I'm not gonna be able to stop. I've been fantasizing about it for long enough, and when the reality is even better than the fantasy, it's kinda difficult to control myself._

I fight a shiver, and I'm suddenly straining against my jeans again.

Do I wanna fuck Edward?

I think I just might.

_Holy shit_.

I run my hands through my hair, and then over my face. It seems to calm my frantic heart a little, so I repeat the process. I glance over at Edward again, and my eyes are immediately drawn to where his shirt has ridden up his back. I can see the top of his tattoo peeking out from his boxers, some kinda Celtic symbol, starting at the small of his back and curling around his right hip. My breathing picks up all over again, but not from panic this time.

_Fuck. _

Then the most immediate question pops into my head.

_What the hell am I gonna do when he wakes up?_

Luckily, I don't have to wonder for long, because a few seconds later, he shifts onto his back and then groans.

His hangover reaction almost makes me laugh, because it's so damn similar to mine.

He groans again, and mutters, "Fuck, my _head_!" Then he opens his eyes and hisses like a goddamn vampire, cringing away from the sunlight.

"Motherfucker, that's bright!"

"I know," I say, before I can stop myself. He goes still. Sits bolt upright. He glances over to where I'm reclined on the other bed, and frowns, like he's real confused about something. Then his expression clears, but he looks pretty disappointed.

He meets my gaze, and my heart jumps in my chest. Those fucking eyes are so beautiful.

_Shit, Jasper, who are you kidding? You are _totally_ into him. _

I wait for him to say something. Ask if I'm okay, maybe? See if I'm going to freak out on him? Ask if I regret it? If I remember?

When he does speak, it's something I didn't expect.

"What the fuck was I drinking last night, man?" This is then followed by; "Ow, my fucking _face_!" He brings his fingers up to his fat lip and touches it gingerly. I expected it to look awful in the morning, but it looks kinda…

Hot.

God fuckin' help me.

"I think it was the tequila that did the most damage," I say, eyeing him warily. "But you were mixin' pretty heavy."

"Can't believe that asshole punched me for something that he – by the way – so clearly enjoyed," he grumbles, and I'm surprised by the emotion that flares up in me then, driving all others from my mind, at least temporarily.

Jealousy.

I'm fucking furious at that guy for punching him, but I'm murderously angry at the dickhead for even _thinking_ about touching him.

Yeah, I'm into him, all right. _Fanfuckingtastic_.

I breathe in sharply, squaring my shoulders. "Edward, about last night…"

"I mean, who does that?" he speaks over me. "Fuck's sake! I hate Texas. What about you, did you get lucky? One of us ought to have at least got some satisfaction."

My mouth drops open. "Don't… you…?"

"Oh, shit!" he says, and I relax for a moment, grateful that the memory has caught up to him. "Did you tell me about it last night, already?"

Then the reality of the situation hits me, and I'm not sure whether I want to laugh or cry.

_He doesn't fucking remember!_

How is that possible? How can he not remember literally the most life-altering moment of my life? The potential turning point of our entire friendship?

Unless…

Maybe he does remember. Maybe he regrets it. Maybe he just wants to pretend like it never happened.

I lock my gaze with his, trying to communicate with my eyes. _Do you really not remember? _

For whatever reason – maybe it's because he's hungover, maybe it's deliberate, but he doesn't pick up on my mental chatter. And that's the first time that's ever happened.

I want to die.

"Shall we go and get breakfast or something?" Edward suggests, completely oblivious – or, at least acting that way – to my inner turmoil. "It might sort my head out. Man… I kinda want a smoke, but I'm not sure if it'll make me vom or not. Should we call Alice?"

"Um, I'll call her…" My voice sounds distant. "You go have a smoke, and I'll be out in a minute, 'kay?"

Edward shrugs and leaps off the bed. The movement makes him groan and clutch his stomach, which would be hilarious under any other circumstances. "That was a bad fucking move, right there. Ugh. I may actually throw up." He swallows heavily. "No, wait, I'm good."

And he strolls out of the room without a backwards glance.

As soon as the door shuts behind him, and I hear his footsteps fade off, I slide from the bed to the floor. I bring my knees up to my chest, and wrap my arms around them. I place my forehead on top of my kneecaps.

Is he intentionally forgetting? Is it selective memory? I don't know if I can ever look him in the eye again, if that's true. But what if it's not? What if he really, genuinely doesn't know? Should I tell him? Should I keep it to myself?

Then there's the stuff that's even bigger for me. Too big to deal with by myself.

Am I gay? If I like Edward, then I'm clearly not straight. Am I bi? Is it just him, or guys in general? Do I even like girls anymore? Have I always been like this, and not realized?

Then I do something I haven't done since my father's funeral.

I start to cry.

* * *

The torture lasts for a whole week.

Edward is acting completely normal, and I'm trying my damnedest to do the same, and it's killing me. Eventually, I start finding excuses to avoid him – the one thing that I promised myself I wouldn't do. I continually vacillate between the theory that he's truly blanked on the memory, or the crueler theory that he just doesn't want me that way, and took an easy out in 'forgetting'.

Kate keeps asking me if I'm okay, but I just lie. I can't talk to her about what's going on.

Emmett comes over, and we hang out and play video games. He asks me if I'm okay. I don't tell him.

Another week goes past. People are starting to notice my reticence with Edward. Gramma asks me when we're gonna see his pretty face around the house next.

I can't even stand looking at his pretty face without wanting to blow my own brains out.

Naturally, I lie. I don't tell her anything at all.

This is actually going to kill me.

The day before we go back to school, Edward shows up at my place. I'm in my room, so I'm not the one to answer the door. I mute the TV when I hear the doorbell ring, but I don't get up to go and answer it. No doubt it's Emmett, picking up Rosalie. Or Tanya, because she's forgotten her key again.

Then Mama's voice drifts up the stairs to me.

"Oh, Edward, darlin', we thought you'd gone and crawled in a hole or somethin'! Where you been hidin'?"

"My cousin's down at the moment, Mrs. H. She's commandeering a lot of my time before she goes back to England."

"Ah, yeah, Alice, isn't it? Nice girl. Jasper sure likes her."

I hear Edward's dry response. "Yeah, I'll bet."

My heart feels like it's shredding into little pieces. I'm so fucking confused.

"Jasper's in his room, hon. Go on up."

_No. Stay down there, where I don't have to pretend around you, _I think, but of course, he doesn't. A few seconds later, I hear his thundering footfalls as he takes the stairs at a jog, and then my door is opening.

And he's standing in front of me.

And I want to die inside.

I muster up a smile. "Hey, man. What's up?"

He saunters over to my bed, and pushes my feet out the way so he can sit down. I try not to think about the last time the two of us were on a bed together.

And fail miserably, of course.

"You look skinny, Jazz," he says, and there's real concern in his voice. "Have you been sick?"

_Yeah, heartsick, _I think, but I say, "No."

"You sure?" He tilts his head. I hate how I notice the sun glinting off his coppery hair, and how that makes his impossibly green eyes even greener. "Then have you not been eating or something?"

I think about this. I actually don't think I have been. "I guess not."

"What's the matter with you, Jazz?" Edward asks. He leans forward, and my heart picks up. I pray he doesn't notice. "Why are you acting so strange, lately? You've barely set foot in my house for a fortnight, and Alice is leaving tomorrow, so you'd better come over tonight for her goodbye dinner, or she'll eat you alive."

My heart is thudding painfully in my chest, getting louder and more insistent the longer he looks at me. I wish he'd look away. Just for a second.

I can't breathe when he looks at me.

After two weeks, I'm finally starting to wrap my head around some of this stuff. I still haven't worked out most of it, but I've come to terms with three crucial facts.

One - I like Edward. I really, really like Edward.

Two - I don't know how I feel about girls/guys in general.

Three - I won't know how I feel for a good long while, because the only person on my mind is Edward, and I just can't look at anyone else at all.

He frowns at me, green eyes narrowing, and I remember that I'm supposed to be answering his question. "Oh… er… I'm okay. Really. And sure, I'll be there tonight."

"Cool. So, I'm going into town to pick up some groceries. Wanna come and keep me company?"

"I can't," I tell him instantly. "I'm meetin' a friend."

His face falls slightly. "Oh. Um, okay. Jazz… are you sure there's nothing wrong? I just feel like you're avoiding me, lately."

"I'm not," I lie. "I promise. I really do have to meet a friend."

"Okay…" he hedges, but he doesn't seem convinced. In fact, he seems real sad. It's stuff like this that makes me wonder whether he genuinely doesn't remember what happened on New Years. But drunken memories really don't stay buried for that long, do they? "Then I guess I'll see you tonight?"

"What time?"

"Seven."

"I'll be there."

He gets up to leave, and I watch him go, drinking him in with my eyes when he's not looking. He doesn't pause in the doorway and turn around like he usually would, which is probably a good thing, seeing as how I'm staring at his ass.

Still, I wish he'd turn around.

I wish I knew he cared.

As soon as I hear the front door slam shut, I roll over on my bed. I make an executive decision, and reach for my phone, opening up my contacts. I hit 'call' on the first number in there.

She answers on the second ring. "Well, it's about bloody time you called me!"

"Alice," I say. I take a deep, steeling breath. "I need your help. And I need you to not tell Edward about this."

There's silence on the other end of the line for a minute. "What's this about, Jazz?"

"Me. I'm… well, I'm in trouble. Can you meet me?"

"Where?"

"The park?"

She sighs. "I'll be there in ten."

* * *

Alice is already waiting for me when I get to the local park. She's sitting by the duck pond, wearing artfully ripped jeans and a form-fitting coral tank top with a grey hoodie and her black Nike high-tops. She has no makeup on and no product in her short hair. I've never seen her look like such a stereotypical lesbian. I stifle a smile, and go over to sit beside her on the bench.

"Hey."

Her flashing dark eyes meet mine. "Are you gonna tell me what this is really about? Because I've got to be honest, Jasper, you're scaring the shit out of me."

"It's about Edward."

She digests this in silence for a moment, as the ducks quack noisily around us. "Am I finally about to hear why you're avoiding him?"

I take a deep breath. "I kissed him."

She rockets forwards in her seat, and her voice shoots through about eight decibels. "WHAT?"

"Keep it down," I hiss. "It was on New Years. I kissed him, well, actually, he kissed me, and then I kissed him back, or somethin'… I dunno, anyway, there was a kiss, and it got pretty heated, and then we fell asleep and…"

"And?" she prompts.

"And then he woke up in the mornin' and started actin' like nothin' had ever happened."

She frowns, and her cute little nose wrinkles. "I don't understand why he'd do that. Did you freak out on him at all?"

"No. I wasn't freaked. I… I told him that… well, I told him stuff I probably shouldn't have. The freak-out came later. But it was sorta helped along by the fact that he was actin' like he was."

"I just don't get it. Teddy would never… Wait, when did you say this happened?"

"New Year's Eve. Well, technically New Year's Day, by then, but…"

"At the motel?"

"Yeah…"

Alice stares at me for a full minute without saying a word. Her face gives absolutely nothing away.

Then she bursts out laughing.

I'm so bewildered that I can barely form words. I do kinda a weird goldfish impersonation for a couple minutes, my mouth opening and closing as she guffaws and clutches at her sides. When she eventually calms down, she wipes her eyes with the heels of her hands, still giggling slightly.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, you boys are both fucking morons!"

"What the fuck are you goin' on about, Alice?" I demand.

"Ted told me all about that," she says, her lips twitching in an effort to rein in her laughter. "But he… he thinks it was a dream he had."

My chin hits the deck. "What?!"

She giggles again at the expression on my face. "Yeah, um… he said he had this really intense sex dream about you, and it was awesome, and you guys were kissing, and then you fell asleep spooning each other. But then…" She sucks in a breath, "Oh, mate, this is fucking _hilarious_, but then he woke up and you were lying on the other bed, and you seemed proper casual, so he figured he'd just drunkenly dreamt the entire thing."

I gape at her for a moment, speechless. I jump to my feet.

And then, I throw my head back and bellow to the sky, "Are you_ fuckin' kiddin' me_?!"

A mother and her two little kids turn around to stare at me as they walk past. The kids giggle and point. Their mama shoots me the stink-eye. I ignore them all, in favor of this new revelation.

"So, you mean to tell me," I say, reclaiming my seat on the bench and dropping my voice back to an acceptable level, "that I have been tyin' myself in knots for _two weeks_, thinkin' that Edward was just pretendin' not to remember anythin' that happened that night, and the _only_ reason he was doin' that is cuz he thinks that none of it was _real_?"

Alice still looks like she's dying to laugh as she says, "Yep. That's about the size of it."

"_Fuck_," I spit out.

And then, suddenly, I'm laughing, too, at the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

Alice waits for my laughter to fade, her expression speculative. When I eventually get control of myself, she speaks.

"Jasper, why did you kiss him?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I mean, I understand why Edward kissed you. He's been dying to kiss you since you guys first met. I know, because he told me about you when we were speaking on the phone that night. What I don't understand is why you kissed him back. Or, first, or whatever."

I glance down at my hands, which are clasped tightly together in my lap, fingers twisting around each other. I always do that when I'm nervous. "Well…" I blow out a breath, and decide to man the fuck up and just say the words that I've been bottling up inside ever since that night. "I like him, Alice. Like… in _that_ way."

"Do you love him?" she asks. My head snaps up.

"What?"

"I want to know if you love him. Because, Jasper, don't get me wrong, I really like you. You're an amazing guy. You're easy on the eyes. And you and Teddy together… well, it'd be something else. You guys would be epic, and I would be over the moon. But… Teddy's fucked up, Jasper. He's been fucked up and fucked over by guys in the past, and he's had his heart broken every time. He gets invested, Jasper. He gets hurt easily, even though he tries to hide it. And he may not have loved all of the guys in his past, or maybe not even any of them, but I know for a fact that he loves you. It's written all over his face when he looks at you."

I gasp at her words. Edward _loves_ me? Like, for real?

I feel giddy. I feel terrified.

_Like_, I can handle. Just about. But _love_?

Love is a big fucking deal.

She continues, "I'm looking at your face right now, Jazz, and I know you care about him. It's obvious. But do you love him? Because if you don't, or if you aren't sure, then please, I'm begging you, don't do anything. Don't tell him that New Year's Eve really happened. Just wait, and see what follows on now. Be his friend. Take each day as it comes. Because if you two got together, and then you realized a couple of months down the line that this is all just curiosity and experimentation, I think it would kill him. Better off that he doesn't know how you feel until you're sure, either way."

I want to argue with her, but I can't because her words are making way too much sense for me to find any feasible way to do that. She's right. I don't know where my head's at. And maybe it would be fine to play it by ear if it was just a crush he had. But if he's actually in love with me… I need to respect him enough to figure out if I feel the same way before I go and fuck with his head.

I sigh. "Okay, Alice. I won't tell him anything just yet. I'll wait and see what happens."

She appraises me for a moment, and her face breaks out into a smile. "So, is he a good kisser?"

I tip my head back against the bench and groan. "You have no fucking idea."

* * *

Alice's leaving dinner is just getting started when I show up. I've dressed for the occasion – I'm actually wearing a shirt that has a collar and everything (thank you, Alice). It's midnight blue, and I think I look pretty good in it. I hope Edward notices.

I knock on the door, and it's a couple seconds before it swings open. Edward's standing there, his hair all over the place, and he's not really paying much attention because he's trying to fasten his watch onto his wrist. He's wearing the same emerald sweater he wore to Mike's party, the day I found out he was gay. It still matches his eyes.

I thought he looked good in it then, but he's fucking out of this world.

"Hey," he says, still struggling with the clasp on the watch, "Everyone's out on the deck…"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Edward, c'mere," I sigh, and I grab his hand and tug his arm towards me. My hands replace his, and I quickly fasten up the clasp. "There."

I glance up just in time to see his eyes flicker from my head to my feet and back up again, taking in the outfit. His eyes are wide, and I try to hide my smile as I notice him gulping a little.

"Nice shirt," he says weakly, and I nearly cave in on my promise to Alice and just shove him up against a wall, then and there.

I can't do that, because I really don't want to drag him into something that may ultimately end up breaking his heart.

But I can still flirt, right? That's allowed? And it's something I wouldn't have done before New Years, so it feels like a step in the right direction.

I smirk at him. "Back at'cha, Cullen. You look pretty hot." Then I wink.

He goes bright pink, and doesn't know where to look, and I do my best to keep a straight face, because he's just so fuckin' adorable.

It's funny… he's the one who's all secure in himself and comfortable with his sexuality and shit, and I'm the one who's a whole mess of I-dunno-what-the-fuck-is-going-on, and yet, _I'm_ making _him_ blush like a fuckin' schoolgirl.

I fuckin' love it.

Just then, Esme pops her head into the foyer. "Jasper!" she enthuses. "Come on in! We've missed you around here."

I realize that I've missed her too. A whole lot, actually. Two weeks is a long time to be avoiding the person that you're closest to, and every second of it hurts, but I didn't actually realize how much I was missing the people I knew through Edward as well as the man himself.

I step over the threshold and make to follow Edward's mama out onto the deck. I pause in the living room doorway, to find that Edward hasn't moved from the spot he was in when I winked at him.

I grin. "You comin', Ed?"

He jumps, and turns to look at me, eyes slightly dazed. "Uh, yeah. Sorry, man, I guess I spaced out."

"No shit."

He shuts the door and makes his way over to where I'm standing. Unexpectedly, he gives me a shove into the doorframe.

"Ow!" I protest, though it didn't actually hurt. "The fuck was that for?"

"Being a sarcastic bastard," he replies cheerfully. "And also, ignoring me for the last two weeks for no reason."

"Yeah, I'm real sorry about that," I apologize. "It ain't your fault, at all. I just had some… family shit that was gettin' me down."

His eyes are bright with concern. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Nah, it's all okay now. Drama over. Turns out it was just a whole bunch of misunderstandings. But I really am sorry for shuttin' you out, honest."

"That's okay," he says, seeming cheered up by my explanation. He gives me a one-shouldered shrug. "It happens sometimes."

I'm instantly reminded of that day under the tree, when I told him I got bored of Jasper-hating-Jessica, so I dumped her. That had been his response back then, too.

I glance at Edward as we walk out onto the deck. Could I ever get bored of him? Somehow, I doubt it. He's one of those people that are just full of life and mystery and fun. It's _impossible_ to find him boring. I catch sight of my reflection in the glass, and realize I have a shit-eating grin on my face for no apparent reason. I hastily tone it down a notch.

Carlisle greets me nearly as warmly as Esme had, shaking my hand again and grinning at me. Fuck, he really does look like Edward. I wonder if it's like a glimpse into a future mirror. Like, this is Edward in twenty-five years, or so.

If it is, I wouldn't mind sticking around for that.

I blink, surprised by my own thought. Was I actually just planning to be with Edward in twenty-five years? Or was I meaning it in just a friendly way?

To be honest, I don't think I mean _anything_ to do with Edward Cullen in _just_ a friendly way anymore. I don't know that I ever really did.

Alice is playing some game with Maggie out on the grass. I think it might be swing ball, but the light is fading rapidly and it's too dark to tell for sure. I shout a greeting to her, and she waves distractedly and yells something similar back.

Edward and I claim two chairs at the far end of the outdoor table, and I can't stop staring at him. I'm willing myself not to get hard, and I think I might manage it, provided he doesn't…

_Play with his fucking tongue piercing!_

He's doing it. Right now. And I'm casually trying to readjust myself and hope he doesn't notice. Which he doesn't. Because he's too intently focused on curling his tongue over and catching that fucking stud between his teeth, and then repeating the process until I nearly fucking lose it.

"Stop fucking doing that," I hiss, but I don't sound angry, even to my own ears. My voice is low, and hoarse, and turned on as fuck. I don't know if he knows it, but I think he might, because his eyes just about pop out of his skull, and he turns to me with his lips slightly parted in surprise.

"Sorry," he recovers himself quickly, "I don't even notice I'm doing it."

"Well, _I_ do," I reply, "So don't do it."

He's looking at me strangely. Well, not strangely, really. Sorta the way I've been imagining him looking at me for the last couple weeks whenever I've been engaging in a quick bit of the left hand shame.

His eyes are darker than usual. Holy shit.

_This is so much fuckin' harder than I thought it would be_.

I desperately need to change the subject, so I break his gaze with some difficulty and say, "So, is Alice all packed?"

"Yeah," his voice is rougher than normal when he answers me, and it goes straight to my cock. _Fanfuckingtastic_. "She leaves at, like, three in the morning."

"Sucks to be her," I sigh. "I hate catching nighttime flights."

This catches his attention. "I thought you'd never been outside the US?"

"I haven't. I go and visit my aunt in Jacksonville sometimes. It's quicker to fly."

"Jazz?" Edward suddenly sounds… nervous. My head snaps up, and our eyes meet. "Speaking of travelling, I was gonna ask you, and, I mean, you don't have to, but would you maybe want to come to New York with me over spring break?"

I blink at him incredulously for a couple of seconds. I feel like he's just told me I've won the fucking lottery. "Yes!" I exclaim, far too enthusiastically. Carlisle and Esme's heads turn in our direction from where they're standing on the opposite end of the deck. I lower my voice, my face heating up in embarrassment. "Um, I mean, that would be really cool. I'd love to."

Edward's grinning away at me with that crooked smile of his, and I feel my heartbeat accelerating. "I've literally never seen you so excited in the four months I've known you."

"Yeah, well… you know I've always wanted to go to New York."

"That's why I want to take you."

He's just… there aren't words. There really aren't any words to describe him that are good enough. He's… Edward _fucking_ Cullen, that's what he is.

Alice's dinner goes really well. We all have a total _awww_ moment when Maggie falls asleep in her spaghetti (the way six year olds do), and Alice has Edward and I cracking up by doing impressions of her roommates back home.

And then, while we're having dessert, she asks me _the_ question.

"Jasper, I've been thinking, and… do you wanna come to London for a couple of weeks over summer when Edward comes?"

Two holiday proposals in one day, and this one is actually to a different fucking country! I could kiss her. I almost do.

"I honestly can't think of anything I'd rather do more," I say, and she beams at me. Edward, who's sitting beside me, gives me a wry smile.

"Well, I suppose that offer suddenly makes New York look pretty lame, huh?"

I nudge him with my elbow. "Nah, not at all. You know how I feel about New York."

He catches my eye, and we launch into a 'conversation' without meaning to.

_You really want to come to New York? _he doesn't say.

And I don't say, _Of course I do. I've been dreamin' about New York since I was about three. _

_So, whose offer is better? _he doesn't say, and he's smirking crookedly at me now. My throat's dry.

_Yours. _The look in my eyes is totally sincere. _Always. _

His breath hitches slightly, and he quickly looks away, breaking our little mental connection. My heart is thumping wildly in my chest. I glance up to find Alice opposite me, with her arms crossed and a knowing smirk on her face.

I'm gonna miss the little pixie, but damn, I wish she wouldn't look at me like she knows what I'm thinking.

Even though she probably does.

When dinner is over, I say my goodbyes to Alice. I feel a real pang in my chest as I bend down to give her a hug.

"Take care of yourself, Tinkerbelle," I whisper. "See you soon?"

"Count on it," she murmurs back. "Sort your head out, Jazzy. And… look after my Teddy. Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure," I say, with no small amount of trepidation.

"I think you might love him, too." She gives me one last squeeze, and releases her hold around my neck. I straighten up and ruffle her hair, which makes her laugh and mock-scowl.

Edward is the one who walks me to the front door. When I step out onto the porch, he steps out with me, extracting a pack of smokes from his back pocket.

"You should really quit," I say, and he just shakes his head at me with a grin. I follow him over to the swing, and we sit down side by side as he sparks up.

"Mmm. That's better." He blows out a long stream of smoke, eyes closing with relief at the influx of nicotine. "You looking forward to school again tomorrow?"

I look at him like he's nuts. "Uh, no?"

He chuckles, and the sound fills me with warmth. "Why not? You're in a lot of my classes this semester." He kicks my ankle gently. "Means we can hang out in class as well as out of it."

"You say 'hang out' like we're gonna goof off. I know you, Edward, and you're gonna be a total fuckin' slave driver in the classes we're in together."

He grins, and takes another drag of his cigarette. "I just want you to reach your full potential, that's all." He sits forward, and his unexpected proximity sets my heart racing again. "Because you, Jasper Hale, are capable of greatness."

"You really think that?" My voice is unexpectedly soft, and I sound kinda… emotional. That's new. His smile widens.

"Yeah, I do. Some are born great," he points to himself, and I laugh. "Some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. In your case, you're gonna have all three, but I'm doing the thrusting, just in case."

_What an unfortunate choice of words_, I think, as my cheeks heat up _again_ at the images that conjures. It's quiet for a moment, and then Edward laughs softly.

"That was an unfortunate choice of words, right there," he echoes my thoughts. "But you know what I mean."

I did know what he meant. I usually do.

When I look into his eyes then, I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of green. I can't breathe.

I immediately decide that asphyxiation-by-Edward wouldn't be the _worst_ way to go.

* * *

_**A/N – I bet some of you were thinking that Jasper was going to act like a dick the next morning. But no. It was Edward being a moron. **_

_**Tee hee. **_

_**Thanks for reading, **_

_**PJ **_

_**x**_


	6. Five: February

_**Five**_

_**February**_

"I hate this stupid fuckin' Hallmark holiday and every fuckin' thing about it!" I declare, by way of greeting, as I slam my lunch tray down beside the rest of the guys in the cafeteria.

Emmett looks up and snickers. "Oh, Jasper, are you sulkin' cuz you don't have a date for Valentine's?"

"No," I say, but I'm totally lying. Or, maybe I'm not _totally_ lying. It's not that I really care about the date part. It's more that I just can't _tell_ the guy I like how I feel.

Huh. The _guy_ I like.

Not as weird as I thought it would be.

"I could always hook you up," Ben says. "Angie's got a couple a single friends that are pretty hot."

_Probably not in my opinion, _I think, but instead I just say, "Nah, man. Thanks for the offer, though."

Tyler leans across the table towards me just as I'm taking a sip of my soda. "Or, you know, Hale, you could always just go out on a date with Cullen. You spend enough time with him, anyhow. I bet he'd fuckin' love it."

I choke on my drink.

Everyone else laughs, bar Emmett. He's looking at me, probably waiting for me to jump to Edward's defense. But I don't, because I'm too busy thinking about how Tyler unintentionally hit the nail on the head with his comment. I wish I fuckin' could 'just go out on a date with Cullen'.

"Leave Cullen alone, guys," Emmett says, still watching me. "He's actually real cool. So what if he likes guys? It don't matter." And his eyes are still boring into mine, like he's trying to communicate something vital with me. Only, because he's not Edward, I can't get the non-verbal message.

"We're only playin', Em," Mike reassures him. "So don't start givin' us the silent treatment for bein' mean about your buddy, Jasper."

I glance across the cafeteria, to where Edward is sitting with Bella and Rosalie, laughing about something Bella is saying. She's making frantic hand gestures and Edward is hanging onto my sister as they laugh together. I wish, more than anything in the world, I could just go over there and join him.

I study Bella for a moment, remembering how I used to find her really hot. I'm looking, and I can see that she's real pretty, but there isn't the telltale tightening of my pants when I really focus on her. In fact, there's nothing. Not even a stir.

Then I look at Edward again, and it's like insta-wood. Thank fuck the table is in the way to disguise it.

_Yeah, I'm totally gay_.

I start. That's the first time I've ever actually ascribed the word to myself without any qualifiers attached. When I do, I'm surprised by the sense of… relief. I kinda feel like I've been holding my breath for months, and I just let it out.

That's how I know it's true.

"So, what're you doin' for Valentine's then, Jasper? Jasper!" I snap out of it, and have to practically tear my eyes away from Edward in order to turn and face Emmett. He's giving me that look again, and I wonder if he knows what – or who – I was staring at.

"Um, nothin'. I figure I'm just gonna sit at home. Play video games. Lecture my sister about how she's not to put out no matter how fancy a dinner you take her for."

My friends all guffaw at the expression on Emmett's face when I say that.

When lunch is almost over, I get up to go to Edward's table. Even spending an hour without him sucks, but the guys expect me to eat lunch with them, and Edward isn't wild about most of them, so he prefers not to. Plus, I know it's totally co-dependent to want to spend every waking second with him.

"Jasper?" Emmett catches me by the arm when I'm halfway across the cafeteria. I pause, turning to face him.

"Look, Em, I'm kiddin' about lecturin' Rosie. What she does is her own damn business, and…"

"Jasper, _are_ you and Edward a thing?"

I gape at him, speechless, before I recover myself. "A thing? Like… romantically?"

He nods, eyes grave. "It's cool if you are, I just thought…"

"No, man," I tell him. "We're not a thing."

He measures my expression for a moment, replaying my words in his head. I can practically see the cogs turning in his brain. "But… do you wanna be a thing? I saw you starin' at him just now, and I thought…"

I study him for a minute. Emmett is my best friend – besides Edward, obviously, and I don't think I can even call Edward my best friend anymore, because it's too small a word – and I do trust him. I also know that he's cool with Edward. I mean, they're friends, too.

"I dunno, Em," I say. That's as close to a confession as he's gonna get while I'm standing in the middle of a crowded cafeteria. "Maybe."

He raises his eyebrows. Doesn't say anything for a few beats. Then; "So, are you like… y'know?"

I take a deep breath. I've never said it out loud before. "Yeah. I think I am."

"Wow," he says, real quietly. "I never thought…"

"Me, neither," I mutter, and he kinda chuckles.

"Does he know?"

"Nope."

"Well, shit. You should probably say somethin'."

"Can't," I reply. "Not yet. Made a promise to a friend that I wouldn't say anythin' til I'd sorted my shit out."

He nods. Then he glances back at the other guys. Then back to me. "Look, if you ever wanna talk, bro, I'm, y'know, here for you and shit."

I grin. Emmett's so… Emmett. "Thanks, man."

He disappears off across the room, and I watch him go with a slight smile on my face. Telling him hadn't been as hard as I thought it would be, but then, he was the one that I knew would take it the best.

Still, it's a step in the right direction.

Speaking of steps in the right direction… I make my way over to Bella, Rosalie and Edward's table and drop into the seat beside him. I'm sitting closer than is strictly polite, but I drop into the seat that way to make it look like a total accident. He doesn't shuffle over, and my thigh is pressed up against his. It feels like there's an electric current running over my skin where our jeans are touching.

"Hey," I greet them all, and I get a couple of mumbled 'hey' s back from the girls. Edward, on the other hand, turns to give me a wide grin that makes my heart stutter.

"Hey, Hale Senior. Junior here was just telling me about the Valentine's date she has planned with your linebacker BFF."

"Oh, really?" I cotton on to Edward's teasing mood instantly. I lean forwards across the table towards Rosie, and the movement actually makes my foot slide backwards and over Edward's. Our legs are twined together. I can see his chest rising and falling faster in my peripheral vision.

Neither of us moves.

"Yeah," his voice is a little bit strained. My grin widens.

"Well, come on then, Rosie, spill the beans. What has boyfriend got in store? You should know that I'm gonna get you a chastity belt to wear before he picks you up on Saturday."

Edward cackles. I grin.

Rosalie glares. "You both suck," she grumbles.

Edward and I share a smile that makes my heart hiccup in my chest.

* * *

Edward and I are lying on his bed.

His head is on the pillow, and his feet are dangling off the end. My head is beside his ankles, and my legs are bent up at the knee, my feet under the pillow.

"Do you think you're gonna get in?" he asks me, breaking the comfortable silence. It's been like this for the last two hours. We're not watching TV or playing video games, or doing anything at all, really. We're not even keeping up a constant conversation. We're just… being with each other.

I've never done anything like this with anyone else. Never found a silence that I hadn't felt the need to fill. Never felt so happy just sitting around. Never felt so content just to listen to another person's breathing.

It's perfect. He's perfect.

I'm gonna tell him on Valentine's day. I've decided. I'm gonna do it, because I literally can't stand looking at him and not being able to touch him like I so desperately want to. I want him. Hell, I need him.

I love him.

I know I do – Alice was right. I've never felt like this about anyone, but Mama always told me that when you're in love, you just know.

I just know.

"Jazz, did you hear me?"

"Huh?"

"I asked if you think you're gonna get in."

"To Columbia?" I check.

"Yeah."

"Um… I dunno. I hope so. If I don't, it's cuz I'm not smart enough, and there's nothin' I coulda done different, because you made sure I was damn well prepared."

He's quiet for a moment. "Yeah, well… I believe in you. I think they'll be crazy to turn you down."

My breath hitches in my chest at his words. He's literally the most amazing creature on the entire planet. Abruptly, I make a decision.

Fuck waiting until Saturday.

I'm telling him _now_.

I reach over and catch his fingers with mine. I interlace them, and then I use his hand to pull me up into a sitting position. Edward's green eyes burn into mine for a minute, and then he follows suit. I haven't let go of his hand, and the position we were lying in means that we're now facing each other, his right shoulder parallel with my left one.

"Edward…" I whisper, and he's just watching me, barely even breathing.

"Yeah?"

I can't speak. I'm choking on the words. Instead of talking, however, I just decide to inch a little bit closer to him. I shuffle over until my hip hits his thigh, holding his gaze intently. His breathing is shallow.

"Edward…" I lean forward, bracing one hand on the bed behind him. Our faces are only a couple inches apart, now, and the black of his pupils is all but swallowing his irises. He's trembling a little.

So am I.

"Yeah, Jasper?"

I squeeze his hand. He glances down at our interlocked fingers and then back up to my face. I've never wanted to kiss anyone so badly in my life.

Our faces are less than an inch apart. I can feel his breath on my lips, and I can imagine he can feel mine on his. His eyes get even darker. God knows what mine must look like.

"I…" I try and say the words. But I can't.

Because even though they're true, I've never said them before. Not in this context.

And it scares me.

I swallow thickly. Just because I can't say the words doesn't mean I don't feel that way. And I need for him to know that I feel that way. I need it so bad that I can't think straight.

Then there's a loud knock on his bedroom door, and we spring apart like we've both been electrocuted.

"Come in!" Edward calls, but he's looking at me when he speaks. His eyes are confused, and I can tell that he's confused by what just almost happened between us.

The door opens, and then there's a deep voice. Not Southern. Not English.

"Edward _fucking_ Cullen."

Edward's eyes swivel in the direction of the door at the same time mine do. There's a boy standing in the doorway, maybe a year older than us. And I notice three things that make me feel like I've just been gutted like a goddamn catfish.

One – he's good-looking. Like, seriously fuckin' hot. Tall. Chin length jet-black hair. Russet skin. Skinny jeans. Good physique. A faded tee bearing the name of some obscure band. Dark, glittering eyes.

Two – he's looking at Edward like… like he's the fuckin' sun given human form. Total awe.

Three – Edward's whole face is lit up like a fuckin' floodlight.

"SETH!" he explodes, and he's on his feet. Not for long, though, because _Seth_ jumps on him, knocking them both down onto the mattress beside me. I can only watch in horror.

"You fucking bastard!" Seth's saying, pulling them back up into a sitting position. He still hasn't let Edward go. "You can't return an email or a text these days?"

Edward's clinging to the back of Seth's shirt for dear life, laughing through his words. "Seth, I replied to you two days ago! What the hell are you doing here? I thought that you were going to Montana with your parents on vacation?"

Finally, they pull away from each other, but they're both wearing shit-eating grins. I may as well be part of the fucking furniture, for all the attention they pay me.

It's sorta like his reaction when he first saw Alice.

Only so, so much worse.

"Eddie, have you ever been to Montana? There's fuck all to do. I hopped on a bus the second my mom's back was turned, and so I thought… hmm, where do I really want to spend my vacation? And then it hit me – why not go and visit the hottest guy in Navarro County?"

Edward laughs, blushing slightly, and swats his arm.

I want to throw up.

"Well, I'm so fucking happy to see you!"

Seth glances down at his lap and smirks. "I can tell."

Edward grins. "Uh, well, actually that was… you know what, never mind."

I clear my throat.

"Oh, shit, Jasper, sorry!" Edward finally notices that I'm still in the room. Seth turns, and he nearly jumps out of his skin. I don't think he even realized that there was someone else in the room with them.

And that pisses me off.

"This is Seth Clearwater, my best friend from New York," he says. The words _best friend_ rip through me, but I console myself with the fact that he didn't say _boyfriend_. "Seth, this is Jasper Hale. He's the one guy that makes this fucking town bearable."

Seth grins at me. "Oh, the quarterback. I've heard about you."

"I wish I could say the same," I say, kinda rudely, "'fraid I don't remember hearin' anythin' about you."

I thought that that would piss him off, but it doesn't. A chuckle slips through his teeth. "Would you listen to that accent, Eddie? Pretty hot, huh?"

"Seth, don't."

For a second, I think Edward's bothered by Seth calling me hot.

Then I realize he's only bothered because he thinks it'll freak _me_ out.

Ouch. It's like a punch to the gut.

"Sorry. So, anyway…" Seth flops backwards onto the bed, crossing his arms behind his head and making himself feel right at home. "Tell me about how things have been going around here. Your mom is making sandwiches for us."

* * *

I'm in hell.

Every second that Seth is here, I'm in hell.

For hours that night, I'm forced to listen to the two of them catching up and trading stories and reminiscences and flirtatious comments. Sure, they're both including me in the conversation, but I don't feel much like chatting, because Seth is still looking at Edward like he hung the fuckin' moon and I'm still itching to punch the expression right off his face.

Seth's gay. Edward's gay.

They're friends. They've been friends since fuckin' _kindergarten_.

They know each other so damn well, it makes me want to scream. Or cry. Or punch a wall.

I'm drowning in my own jealousy.

It only gets worse. For a whole week, I'm forced to hang out with Seth after school, if I'm hanging out with Edward. He's staying at his fucking _house_. And even though it's torture, I can't _not_ go round when I'm invited, because, if I don't, then who knows what could happen between the two of them?

It makes me feel ill, thinking of the two of them together.

One week becomes two. Then three. And he still won't fuckin' leave!

Me, Edward, Emmett and _Seth_ are all having a movie night one Saturday. Die Hard is playing – ain't nothing wrong with a classic, and Emmett and Seth are arguing about the easiest way to kill a man – weird-ass topic that kinda worries me a little – but I can't concentrate on their discussion because Edward and I are sitting together on the couch, and they aren't looking at us, and it's cold, so we're sharing a blanket. He's lying one end and I'm lying the other and our legs are all tangled up and it's _heaven_.

I could happily sit this way for the rest of my life.

That thought should scare the shit outta me, but it doesn't. Because, honestly, I can't see a day on my horizon where I won't want Edward as bad as I do now. I don't think it's ever gonna get old.

"Jazz?" Edward whispers. I look over at him.

"Yeah?"

"What do you think of Seth?"

I tense up. The other two are sitting on the La-Z-Boys with their backs to us, and they're still talking pretty loud, so I don't think either of them heard.

"He's… yeah, I mean, he's okay. A nice enough guy, I s'pose."

Edward raises an eyebrow. "Well, that's a lukewarm seal of approval."

"What would you need approval for?"

He just looks at me stonily.

_Oh, hell fuckin' no!_

"You're not, like…" _Breathe, Jasper. Just breathe. Deep breaths. In. Out. There you go. _"You're not into him, are you?"

Edward shrugs. "Not really, but, I mean, I could be. Maybe. It's worth a shot."

"No, it ain't." My words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, and Edward gives me a funny look.

"What? But I thought you said…"

"No, Edward. You can't go there. Just, please, don't."

"I'm confused." He certainly looks it. "I thought you said that he was okay. That he was a nice enough guy."

"Well, yeah, but…"

I can't tell him the real reason. Not now. Not here. Not in front of Emmett and fuckin' _Seth_.

"But, what? You just don't want to have to look at me hooking up with another guy?"

"Yes," I say, before I even can think about it. "That's exactly what I'm tellin' you."

I wait for him to get it. I wait for his eyes to go all round and his mouth to drop open.

I wait for the blush.

I wait for the 'ohmygod'.

I don't get any of these things. Because he totally misunderstands what I'm trying to say.

"I like that you wait until you've been my friend for five months before you unleash your inner homophobe, Jasper. Nice. Real nice." And, with that, he disentangles his legs from mine on the couch and throws the blanket back. Then he storms off to sit on the arm of the chair beside fucking _Seth_.

I hate that guy. I really, really hate that guy.

Emmett looks round at me questioningly, but I can only shrug. He knows – kinda – what's going on with me, but he doesn't push it. Accepting he may be, but the whole thing still makes him pretty uncomfortable.

I knead my knuckles into my forehead as I watch Edward and Seth start up a conversation. They're both laughing and joking, and – god help me – flirting. Seth curls one hand around Edward's hip, leaning over to whisper something in his ear. His lips brush his jaw.

I head off into the kitchen to get a beer.

Emmett leaves a couple hours later, but I can't bring myself to. Edward and I have de-thawed after our mini-argument, and I'm on my sixth beer – and feeling pretty tipsy – when I head back into the kitchen to start on my seventh. And, when I emerge, I see something that drives a fucking knife straight through my heart.

Edward and Seth. On the chair.

Kissing.

I see red.

Setting the beer down on the coffee table, I seize my jacket. I'm clenching the material much tighter than is strictly necessary, because my temper is raging. I don't waste any time in stuffing my feet into my sneakers and sliding my wallet back into my back pocket. I have to get outta there, because my jealous rage is going to cause me to do something I'll regret.

I've been in plenty of fights. They don't scare me.

What scares me is that I actually want to _murder_ this son of a bitch.

I take off towards Edward's front door without a backwards glance.

"Jasper?" I hear him call, but I ignore him.

_I'm gonna hit something. I'm gonna fucking hit something. _

I need to get away from here.

I'm halfway down the street towards Bessie, pulling my car keys from my jeans' pocket.

"Jasper!" Edward shouts. I keep right on walking.

He catches me up at a run, and his hand closes around mine, tugging me back round to face him.

"Get off me!" I snap, wrenching my fingers back. I can't bear to have him touching me. Not after he's just been kissing _him_.

"What the hell?" He grabs for me again, but I jerk out of his reach.

"Don't fuckin' touch me!" _Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. _"I don't want you to come anywhere near me."

"Jasper, what the fuck is this about? You were fine a minute ago!"

Yeah, I was. But now I feel hurt, and pissed, and betrayed… and I know I don't have any real right to, but my heart is aching in my chest and my eyes are burning with the effort of trying not to burst into tears, and I'm not thinking straight when I yell;

"Oh, just fuck off and go back to your fuckin' boyfriend, Cullen!"

He flinches, hurt. "He's not my boyfriend… that was just, I don't know, friends messing around a bit. I'm sorry if you felt like I was ignoring you or something, but…"

_No. You weren't ignoring me. You were breaking my fucking heart_. "Whatever it was, I don't care. Just… leave me alone. I don't even wanna look at you right now."

"Because you saw me kissing Seth?" he frowns. He's confused.

I'm still not rationally thinking about _why_ he's confused, because I'm too angry. "Fuck yes, because I saw you kissin' Seth! I feel fuckin' sick to my stomach."

His eyes narrow. His fists clench. His nostrils flare.

He doesn't even notice that I'm crying, hot, wet tears rolling down my cheeks.

Because now, he's fucking mad.

"What happened to 'I'm cool with it'? Oh my God, Jasper, you're such a fucking asshole!"

And then, finally, I realize what he must've heard in my words, and I reach out to him. This time, he's the one that slaps my hand away.

"Edward…" I choke, but he's not listening.

"Stay the fuck away from me, Jasper." I hear the catch in his voice. "Just leave me alone from now on."

And, with that, he turns and storms back into the house, ignoring me calling his name after him.

I don't know what to do. My legs give out underneath me, and I land ass-first on the sidewalk.

I put my head in my hands.

And then I break down.

* * *

_**A/N – so, now, the next chapter is the start of March. A couple of things that I'll just say… **_

_**The prologue, angsty as it was, is not the MAIN storyline of this fic. It's a bump in the road. And March isn't the pivotal point of this story, it's actually really just where it starts. These first few chapters were background, mostly. **_

_**So, Jasper doesn't really have to worry about Seth. After all, it's his story ;) **_

_**PJ**_

_**x**_


	7. Six: March (Part One)

_**Self-five for the third update in 24 hours! (Y)**_

_**Also, for anyone who is interested, the conversation between Emmett and Jasper in the cafeteria in the last chapter is almost verbatim the conversation I had with my best friend Richard when I realized he was gay and he had a crush on our other (openly gay) friend. I eventually got him to spill the beans, and am proud to say, they're still together. **_

_**It's really no wonder my boyfriend calls me "the puppet master", now that I think about it. **_

* * *

_**Six**_

_**March (Part One)**_

Edward doesn't speak to me for ten days. I call him thirty-seven times. He doesn't answer once.

I'm dying.

As soon as I calmed down after that night where we fought, I realized what I must've sounded like. I realized what he must've thought I meant.

He thinks I'm homophobic.

He thinks I hate him.

He doesn't know. He doesn't realize how insanely in love with him I am.

And that's my fault, because why fuckin' should he?

I've never told him.

I can't speak to anyone. I can barely come out of my room. At school, I stick with the guys on the football team. I try to talk to Edward in classes. He won't even look at me.

I stay in my room all night when I get home. I don't eat. What's the point?

Rosalie keeps coming up to ask me what the hell I've done to Edward, and why we aren't friends.

I can't answer her, because that'll mean telling her everything.

And what's the fuckin' point? It's not like it'll make any difference now.

He fuckin' hates me.

And I'm in love with him.

On the tenth day, Emmett drags me to the diner after school. I don't want to go, but he insists.

"Jasper, you need to eat some fuckin' food. Suck it up and quit bein' a little bitch."

I glower at him. He doesn't know what it feels like to have your heart completely ripped out of your chest like that. I don't know if Seth's still at Edward's house. I'm frightened to ask anyone about it.

If they're together, I think I actually will die.

"Come on!" Emmett eventually wears me down, and we head over to the diner in his Jeep after school ends. He sits me down in a window seat, and tells me he's going off to order. I nod, like I'm some kinda mindless zombie who can't actually form words.

To be honest, I feel that way. I look like hell.

I take out my phone while I'm waiting for Emmett to get back. I check the calls. I check the texts.

Nothing. I didn't expect there to be.

He doesn't want anything to do with me.

Emmett comes back while I'm studying my phone. I hear the scrape of his chair as he draws it back and then drops into it. I'm still looking wistfully down at my empty inbox, and I sigh. I set my phone down on the table, and glance up, ready to attempt conversation.

And then I nearly have a heart-attack.

Because it's not Emmett sitting in the seat opposite me.

It's Edward.

He looks a little washed-out and tired, too. There're dark circles under his emerald eyes, and his usually stylishly-messy hair looks plain ol' messy today. He chews down on his full bottom lip as he studies me, not saying anything.

My heart constricts in my chest. Even when he's not at his best, Edward Cullen is the most gorgeous fuckin' creature on the whole damn planet.

"Emmett told me that I had to meet you," he says, and his voice is like a tonic for my soul. I almost cry with relief hearing it. "He said you're in bad shape."

"I am," I admit. "I… I miss you."

The waitress comes over and sets down a plate of fries in front of me that Emmett must've ordered. I glance down at them briefly, but I don't eat any. I don't have the appetite for it.

"You miss me?" Edward hisses, eyes flashing in anger. "Then why the fuck did you speak to me the way you did? Why did you make out like I was some disgusting thing that you couldn't bear to have around you? Why did you run out of my house and push me away because I was kissing Seth? _Why_, Jasper?"

There are tears in his eyes, and I can't bear it. I hate that I'm the one that's hurting him, when it's the last thing I want. I want to make him happy. I want _him_.

"The things I said, Edward… you took them the wrong way. That's not what I meant, when I said that. I was angry, and it… none of it came out right. I'm not a homophobe, I…"

_I'm such a fuckin' asshole. _

I sit there. Play with the fries on my plate. Try to ignore his eyes burning a hole in my head.

Those green eyes that see everything.

And they're watching me now, and I don't know what they're seeing.

I open my mouth. Search for words.

_I'm sorry. _

I can feel them, sitting there on my tongue. Willing me to say them.

I don't.

Nervously, I glance up. I don't meet his eyes.

He's got his arms crossed over his chest, and I can see the bottom edge of his tattoo where the short sleeve of his t-shirt has ridden up.

He's clicking the ball of his tongue piercing against his teeth. I can hear the tap, tap, tapping sound every time the metal hits the enamel.

_Fuckin' say somethin', _I chide myself. _Don't be such a pussy. _

But I carry right on being a pussy, because I drop my gaze back to my plate without meeting his eyes.

Then, out of nowhere, he's speaking, in that Yankee accent of his that somehow makes even the most accusatory words sound smooth and unruffled. "Are you really just gonna sit there and not say anything?"

I open my mouth. Search for words.

"I don't know what to say," I mumble.

Except that's a fucking lie.

I know exactly what to say, but I can't say it.

He knows it, too.

"That's never stopped you before."

_I'm sorry. _That's what he wants to hear. That's what I want to say.

But somehow, I still don't.

"You know," he continues. "I thought you were actually different from all the other cretins in this fucking town. I guess I was wrong."

The words pierce me like knives. I _am_ different. I'm _not_ like the others. I'm more different than even _he_ has given me credit for in the past.

But I still don't say anything.

He exhales, loudly, through his nose. "Fucking say something, Jasper."

_I'm such a fuckin' asshole. I'm so sorry. _The words are right there. All I have to do is spit them out, and everything will go back to the way it should be. He won't be cutting me with his gaze. He'll grin. I'll grin. We'll be normal.

I don't say it.

He stands up. Scrapes back his chair. Braces his hands on the table and leans down.

I look at him, then, and I wish I hadn't. The clean lines of his face are set into a rigid expression. Impassive, almost.

But those green eyes blaze with fury when they stare into mine. We're having another one of our conversations where we don't actually speak out loud.

He doesn't say; _I can't believe you'd do this._

And I don't say back; _please understand._

And he doesn't say; _why can't you just apologize?_

And I don't say; _I don't know. _

"Fine, then." He's quiet now. Scary-calm. I hate it when he goes scary-calm. It's like standing in the eye of a storm, just waiting for it to finally come crashing down around you.

It's never been directed at me, before. It fucking hurts that it is right now.

"Fine, then," he repeats. "I thought we were friends, but clearly, I was wrong. Friends don't do what you did. And, even if they do, then they _at least_ have the fucking _balls_ to apologize for it."

Finally, finally, I get some words out, but they aren't the ones I was hoping for. "You're right."

His eyes are green fire. "I'm right? That's it? That's all you've got to say for yourself?"

Apparently, it is, because I still can't speak.

"You know what? Fuck you, Jasper. _Fuck you_. You're a fucking coward."

And he leaves. He doesn't look back as the door clangs behind him. I don't run after him and try to stop him, like I want to.

Because he's right.

I am a fucking coward.

And I wish it was for the reasons he thinks it is.

He thinks I hate him. He thinks I'm disgusted by him. He thinks I've been pretending to be his friend this whole time.

He's almost right about the last one. I've been pretending, lying to myself for so fucking long that I almost started to believe it.

Except even that's a fucking lie.

I want to go after him. I want to tell him the truth. But I can't, and I won't.

I'm scared of the truth.

I don't want to admit it to him. I don't even want to admit it to _myself_.

I open my mouth. Search for words.

"I'm sorry." There. They finally come out.

Only problem is, I'm apologizing to an empty chair.

I lay my head on my arms, tears leaking from the corners of my eyes. "I love you, Edward. That's why. That's why I said those things. It's not because I was disgusted by you. I was jealous. I was so fuckin' jealous that I couldn't breathe. I love you, and I need you, and I always have, but I didn't want to admit it, so I lied. I lied, and I hurt you, and I'm such a fuckin' idiot and a coward. But I wanna be brave, now."

I look up, half expecting him to have come back and be listening to my mumbled confession. But he's not.

Emmett is, though, and his eyes look pained. "Jasper…" he says.

"I…uh…" I feel my face heat up. I can't believe he just heard that. "I didn't…"

He's gonna back away from me now. Probably gonna run screaming for the door.

He doesn't. He grabs me by the arm. Hauls me out of my chair.

Shakes me by the shoulders, once.

And then he says the sixteen words that change my whole life.

"Get your fuckin' head out of your fuckin' ass, and go and get your fuckin' man!"

He marches me to the door. Throws it wide open. The rain is just starting, and I don't have a proper jacket.

Emmett doesn't seem to care.

He tosses me out of the door. A second later, he throws something at me, underarm. Something silver flashes through the air. I catch it.

His car keys.

"Wanda's faster than your shit-heap of a car," he says, by way of explanation. "Now, get the fuck outta here, Hale."

* * *

It's fucking storm that's just hit, so it's raining pretty heavy by the time I make it into the car and start the engine. I drive to Edward's place almost in a daze. Emmett acted like it would be so simple, just to tell him that I loved him and then everything would be okay.

Maybe in a fairytale. Real life doesn't work like that.

I kill the engine in his driveway and just sit for a moment, listening to the rain bouncing off the roof. There's a clap of thunder overhead.

Pathetic fallacy much? I take a deep breath. Then another.

I catch my own eye in the reflection of Emmett's rear view mirror. Indigo-blue eyes stare back at me, determined.

"You can fuckin' do this, Hale," I tell my reflection. He seems to agree.

Getting out of the car, I hunch my shoulders against the rain and run flat-out to the porch. Even in that short distance, I'm soaked. I raise one fist and, before I can chicken out, I knock on the door.

Esme answers and her face is wary when she sees me. She obviously knows we aren't speaking.

"Jasper…"

"Is he here? Please, Esme, I need to talk to him."

She looks at me for a long moment, searching my eyes for something. Whatever it is she's looking for, she seems to find it, because she steps back to allow me entry. I cross the threshold, shivering slightly.

"Is… uh… is Seth still here?"

"No, he left about a week ago." She notices me shivering, and her eyes – so very like the eyes I love most in the world – soften. "Jasper, you should take off that sweatshirt. Your teeth are chattering."

I comply with her instructions, and I'm surprised to find that I instantly feel warmer. The rest of my clothes are relatively dry, but my hair is still plastered to my head. I catch sight of myself in the foyer mirror. Eyes wild and rain-darkened hair curling across my forehead. I suppose that it doesn't really matter how I look.

Edward either still loves me, or he doesn't.

I guess I'll find out.

With Esme's permission, I take the stairs up to Edward's room at a jog. He's in the attic, so I have an extra set of stairs to climb, and I'm breathless from exertion by the time I get to the top.

I knock on the door, and wait for his answer.

"Yeah, come in."

Slowly, I push the door open.

I stand in his doorway, rain dripping off my hair, and he's just lying on his bed, unmoving, watching me with wide eyes that are greener than the leaves on the trees. Except that they're rimmed with red, because he's been crying.

I've made him cry.

I don't ever want to make him cry again.

"What do you want, Jazz?"

His voice is cracked. Broken. It's breaking _me_, too. How can he not see that? How can he not realize how much I fucking love him? It's written all over my face.

"Edward, we need to talk."

"Come to twist the knife in some more?" he asks, laughing bitterly. It's uncharacteristic of him, and I hate it. His eyes flash with anger. "Now that I have a queer friend to hang out with, and you don't have to be polite and pretend you like me anymore?"

"That's not… it's not fuckin' like that, Edward."

"Yes, it is. You never really even cared about me, did you?"

"Yes, I did!"

He scoffs. "Save it, Jasper. Save your apologies. I don't want to hear them."

And he looks away from me, then, so I can't see his beautiful, hurt face anymore. So I can't see the tortured expression in his eyes.

And so he can't see the same expression in mine.

All at once, I'm angry. I'm fucking _livid_. How dare he not allow me the chance to explain? How dare he write off our entire relationship – the most meaningful relationship of my entire life – as 'convenience' on my part! How dare he think so damn little of me!

"Fine, Edward!" I yell, and he flinches at my sudden volume. "Then hear _this_. I'm not sorry! I'm not sorry about offendin' Seth! I'm not even sorry for fightin' with you!"

He's looking at me now, his eyes like saucers and his mouth partway open as though he's about to speak.

But I'm not done.

"I'm not sorry that nobody else can make me laugh the way you do! I'm not sorry that you make me feel good, and strong, and like someone people should admire! I'm not sorry for the way I feel when you touch me! I'm not sorry for only ever feelin' really, truly alive when I'm with you! I'm _not_ sorry, Edward! I'm not sorry about any of it, but most of all, _I am_ _not fuckin' sorry_ for bein' in love with you!"

He gapes at me for a full minute without saying a word. Those green orbs of his are stretched so damn wide that I'm worried they're actually gonna fall right out of his head. Tentatively, I step into the room and close the door behind me.

I move to his bed.

He still hasn't said anything.

I sit on the edge of the mattress.

Still nothing.

"Ah, fuck it," I whisper.

I kiss him.

The second his lips touch mine, it's like an oasis in a desert of desiccating desire. I moan at the contact, and he gasps. He's shocked, I can tell, but he rallies quickly.

His hand slides into my hair. He grabs my hand with his other one to pull me closer until my chest is pressed against his. I can feel his abs contracting through his shirt.

And then his tongue is in my mouth, and his hand is tugging at my hair, and my hand is sliding up his back as I groan from the heady arousal of his touch and his scent and his taste.

"Fuck… Jasper… what…?" he pants in the moments where my lips leave his. "I don't…"

But I can't talk right now. I can talk to him after. Right now, I desperately need to _not_ talk. I need to _feel_.

"For once in your life, Cullen, shut the fuck up," I hiss. My voice is hoarse with the intensity of my desire. "Just shut the fuck up and kiss me."

I think he might actually protest for a moment, before he groans and pulls my face back to his. It's not like last time, because this time, I'm taking the lead. I push him back onto the pillow, hovering over him, one knee in between his legs. I can feel how fucking painfully hard he is through the material of his jeans, and the thought nearly makes me lose it.

I suck his tongue into my mouth, feeling the metal stud for myself, and he practically growls at me. It's _so_ fucking sexy.

His fingernails are digging into my hips on both sides, and I'm fairly certain he's broken the skin, but I don't give a damn. My fierce kiss tilts his head back against the pillow, exposing his throat, as my tongue plunges into his mouth over and over again, my lips crushing his. He answers my every movement with the same kind of desperate need, and when I pull back, he's gasping. I drop my mouth to the underside of his jaw, and begin kissing my way along it as he writhes underneath me.

"Fuck… Jasper… you're a fucking amazing kisser," he gasps, and I grin against the beginnings of stubble on his chin. Unable to resist, I dart my tongue out to taste his skin.

He whimpers.

And it's sexy as all hell.

"Back at'cha, darlin'," I say, and I'm surprised by how easily the endearment falls from my lips. Edward clearly is, too, because he pulls in a sharp breath through his teeth.

My teeth graze the pulse in his throat, and he shivers from head to toe. His fingernails bite into my skin again as I begin to suck and bite at his neck.

"Oh, fuck!"

"More?" I tease, pulling my head back up to look into his eyes. He looks half-crazed, and it's the hottest thing I've ever seen. I resume my assault on his neck.

"Oh, God, Jasper!" he cries out, bucking his hips up. I'm on my knees above him, so he doesn't get the friction he's looking for, and he groans again.

"You're so fuckin' noisy," I breathe against his throat. "Your mama's gonna hear you and come runnin'."

"Don't… care…" Edward growls. "Don't… stop…"

I wanna touch him so bad. I wanna touch him everywhere.

"I don't plan to," I say, and my voice is so heated I think it might actually set us both on fire. I sit up on my heels, and he just stares up at me through his lashes. "Lose the fuckin' shirt, Cullen."

I've never seen him comply with an order so fast. In one deft maneuver, his tee is up and over his head. He tosses it to the floor, and I admire him unashamedly from my higher vantage point. My hands run themselves over his chest of their own accord, feeling the smooth, sculpted planes. He shivers. I let my fingers trail lower, over his hard abs and down to the V of his hip bones. I trace the pattern of his tattoo – the parts of it that are uncovered – with my right index finger.

He squirms.

And then, suddenly, I'm saying something that just randomly pops into my head. "This must've been fuckin' embarrassin' to get tattooed onto you. I mean, it's mostly covered up by your jeans. Didya have to get naked?"

He grins, lips swollen and red from me kissing him, and it's fuckin' beautiful. "Yeah, actually. Well, not totally naked, but he definitely got a good look in."

"Prick," I joke.

"I don't think I did anything for him, to be honest."

"Then he's fuckin' blind."

Edward's breath catches. His hands slide up my sides, pulling my t-shirt with him. He tugs it over my head and drops it to the floor. I'm damn near hyperventilating as his eyes travel over my naked torso. He puts his palm on my stomach, and all the muscles clench in unison. I can tell he's looking at the differences in our skin tones – gold and cream. He smiles.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he tells me, and I nearly pass out.

Then he shifts out from under me, and I nearly protest, until he gets up onto his knees, facing me, a couple inches away. I can only watch him, my chest rising and falling too fast. He looks deep into my eyes, and I feel like I'm falling.

His palm slides over my hip, curling around it, as his thumb traces tiny circles on my hipbone. I'm breathing hard enough that it's probably not beneficial in any way – I can't actually be getting any oxygen with my labored pants. He lowers his head to the join of my neck and my shoulder, and brushes his lips against the skin. I quiver with longing.

Then, slowly, he starts to kiss his way down my chest.

I groan softly, my left hand sliding into his hair, as his lips move steadily down my collarbone and further. His tongue flicks out against my nipple, the metal stud cold against my skin, and I hiss with pleasure.

"Edward…" I gasp. He grins against my skin, and does it again.

I can't help the way my hips involuntarily buck forwards. He grips them tighter, anchoring me in place, as his tongue traces a warm, wet path down to my stomach. I can't breathe. My head is spinning. My hand brushes across the tattoo on his shoulder, back and forth, from the hollow of his collarbone to the middle of his bicep where the ink ends.

His tongue dips into my bellybutton and I practically convulse. I can feel his breath fluttering the trail of hair that runs from my navel to below the waistband of my jeans.

"Jasper," he murmurs. "D'you trust me?"

"Yes," I breathe, exhilarated and terrified in equal measure. "I trust you."

"D'you want me?"

It's a fuckin' ridiculous question, because he can clearly see the raging hard on straining against my jeans, but I answer him anyway. "Yes."

"Good."

He literally picks me up and flips me down onto the mattress facing him. For a moment, all I can think is _fuck, he's strong_, before his hands are at the button on my jeans, and I can't breathe again.

He looks up at me through his dark lashes, and my dick throbs painfully. "If you want me to stop, just say so."

I don't want him to stop, so I just shake my head.

He pops the button. Unzips my fly. I'm propped up on my elbows, turned on, kinda fascinated, as I watch him tug down the waistband of my jeans.

I'm going commando, and he laughs delightedly as he realizes. "Fuck, Hale, that's pretty hot," he murmurs, right before he maneuvers my jeans down, and my erection springs free.

He fully checks me out, and then glances back up at me. I'm expecting that I'm going to freak out, but I'm far too aroused, and, honestly, I'm far too comfortable with him to feel self-conscious.

"Damn," he whistles, and I laugh.

He gives me a lascivious grin and then, suddenly, envelops me with his mouth. My giggles instantly turn into a breathy moan.

Fuck. Me.

He sucks me in further, his cheeks hollowing, and I gasp, my hips lifting as I drive myself further into the back of his throat. His mouth is warm and wet, and oh, so good as he slides it almost all the way back up, just keeping the head in his mouth.

Green eyes meet mine, which are narrowed in desire. He winks, just as his tongue flicks against the underside of my cock.

"Fuck!" I spit out, throwing my head back onto the pillow.

He laughs, and the vibration feels fucking wonderful. I raise myself back up onto my elbows as he sucks me in all the way again. Our eyes meet.

_Enjoying yourself, Hale? _he seems to say.

And my eyes say, _you're fuckin' deep throatin' me, Cullen. What's not to enjoy?_

And he seems to be saying, _this is all pretty unexpected, you know. _

And then I reply, _No, it isn't. _

All the while, his mouth is around me, but neither of us is moving. I reach down to brush back the unruly hair from his forehead so that I can see his eyes better, and his fingers tighten on the denim of my jeans.

_The motel… it wasn't a dream, was it? _his eyes are screaming.

I look down at him for a moment that could be a second, or even an hour. Then I say, out loud this time, "No, it wasn't a fuckin' dream."

His mouth releases my cock with a pop, but I don't care, because he's thrown himself up the bed and he's kissing me again, and I can feel the joy in him like a tangible presence. I can taste my own salty precum on his tongue, and weirdly, it's kinda a turn on.

"Fuckin' hell," I gasp, when he finally pulls away. "I've literally never seen you this excited in the six months I've known you."

Then I grin, because I remember that those were almost his exact words to me when he told me about the New York trip back in January. I can tell from his smile that he remembers, too. His answer makes me laugh. "Yeah, well… you know I've always loved you."

I'm fuckin' flying.

And then he ducks back down and pulls my dick into his mouth again. My fingers fist in his hair as he sucks fiercely. He's got fucking _skill_, and before long, I'm gasping incoherent strings of cuss words.

"Fuck… oh, fuck… holy shit… ohmyfuckingod… _Edward_…" His tongue sweeps along the underside of my cock, the ball bearing pressing down on the vein, and I buck upwards. "So… fuckin'… good…"

His teeth graze me lightly as he pulls back up.

"Oh… fuck… Jesus…"

He slams his mouth back down, hard, and I feel my head hit the back of his throat.

"OH!"

He pulls up, then back down, and then his tongue is dipping into my slit, and I'm feeling the familiar tightening in my stomach muscles as liquid heat is building low in my abdomen…

He sucks me all the way to the back of his throat again, and my fists clench in his hair. My eyes roll up into my skull. I'm so, so, fuckin' close…

His mouth disappears from around me.

"What the…?"

"I want to hear you say my name when you come," Edward instructs, his voice deep and sultry.

Holy. Fuck.

"Yeah, I… oh, shit!" He's sucking me back down, tongue swirling, and I can't take it anymore. My breath comes in shallow gasps, and I see stars.

"Edward! Oh… fuck… _Edward_!"

He swallows manfully as I explode in his mouth, drinking me down and milking me for all I'm worth. I collapse backwards, trembling from the force of my orgasm, as he releases my cock and tucks me back into my jeans. He plants a quick kiss just above the centre of my waistband as he redoes my fly, and then crawls back up the bed to lie beside me, waiting patiently while I get my breath back.

It takes a minute or two.

"That was…" I breathe. "I mean… you were… fuckin' hell!"

He grins lasciviously at me again. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"That was the best fuckin' blowjob I've ever had!"

And then what I've just said hits me.

I've just received a blowjob from Edward _fuckin'_ Cullen. I clap one hand to my mouth to stifle the disbelieving laugh that bubbles up. He looks at me questioningly.

"Jazz?"

"I just… I can't believe this is happenin'."

He tips his head back against the headboard. Laughs. The sound is music to my ears as I stare into his absurdly beautiful face.

"Believe it. Trust me, it's better if you just roll with the crazy."

He shifts slightly on the bed, so that we're nose to nose. I can't help but close the distance between us. We kiss softly for a few minutes, languid, lazy kisses that make my heart pound hard against my ribs. His lips are so fucking soft.

"Mmm…" I stroke my hand along his hip, luxuriating in the feel of him beside me. He kisses my neck. It's not the frenzied assault that my kisses were, it's soft and nuzzly and… nice. So damn nice. I'm hard again as he trails his fingers down my chest and stomach and then back up to my chin, which he cups in his hand and pulls me closer.

I suck his bottom lip into my mouth, longing for a better taste of him. He grunts his approval.

And all of a sudden, our kisses change again. They're hungry, hot, open-mouthed. My hands wander, sliding over his smooth skin feverishly. He rolls on top of me, and I feel him, hot and hard against my hip.

"Ugh!" he grunts, as I push us both upright and we grind against each other. My hands are on his hips, his thighs, his ass… everywhere. I deepen our kiss, and then my fingers curl around the waistband of his sweats and I slide them inside, my fingertips brushing along his pulsing, hard length. I trail them up and down for a moment.

"Edward…"

"Jasper…" he pants. "Just… because… I… did… doesn't… mean…"

"Edward, shut up. I want to." He's breathing heavily, just watching. Quickly, I roll us both over until it's his back on the mattress this time, and I slide his sweats over his hips. His cock springs forth, and I eye it doubtfully for a second. He's _big_. Fuck. How am I supposed to not choke on _that_?

He laughs at the expression on my face. "You don't have to."

"I want to," I repeat. "But I… I don't know what I'm doing."

He laughs again, thoroughly entertained. "It's not rocket science, Jazz. Just go with your instincts. It'll feel good, anyway, cuz it's you."

I feel myself blushing at his words. "O…K…"

I trace my fingers along the V of his hipbones lightly, and he sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth. He's biting his tongue ring again, chewing it, actually, and it's really fucking sexy.

The way he's looking at me… wanton desire plain on his face, I stop feeling self-conscious. It's impossible to feel self-conscious and afraid when someone's looking at you with that much fire in their gaze. Especially since it's Edward.

"Not too… late… to… back… out," he says, each word punctuated with a labored breath.

I look up at him again. I smile.

"Fuck, no."

I duck my head, and run my tongue from the base of his dick all the way up to the head. My tongue swirls around it as I gently pull it into my mouth. The tip of my tongue dips across his slit. Huh. I expected it to taste kinda bad but it really fucking doesn't.

My eyes flicker up to his again, and he's biting his lip this time, watching me hungrily. I repeat the tongue movement.

His fingers clench around his sheets and he hisses sharply. "_Fuck_."

I wrap my lips around him more securely. My heart is beating a fuckin' samba as I try and relax my throat. And then, I'm sucking him down, a little at a time, testing my gag reflex. It's actually pretty non-existent, I realize, and pull him further into my mouth. His fingers slide into my hair, and they twist in my curls. I keep going. His grip on my hair tightens.

Then his head hits the back of my throat, and I swallow around him.

His back arches off the bed as he cries out, "Holy shit, Jasper!"

I suck roughly, up and down, moving my tongue as much as possible, and Edward's as incoherent as I was, I note with immense satisfaction.

"Oh, fuck… god… oh… god… fuck… Jazz… don't stop… _fuck_…"

My eyes meet his again, and they're narrowed nearly to slits. His mouth is open, and he's gasping and moaning and…

"Jasper… I'm gonna… come… move… or… I'll…"

I grip his hips, anchoring him to the bed to stop him from moving away and hollow my cheeks as much as possible, sucking hard as I take him all the way down my throat.

"Oh, God! Jasper!"

His eyes go wide, and they burn into mine with crippling intensity as he finds his release. He spills himself into my mouth, and there's a moment of shock before I'm swallowing it down. I always used to feel sorry for girls when they had to do this, but looking at Edward's face in the throes of his orgasm, it's totally worth it. Plus, it doesn't actually taste that bad.

When I'm sure he's done, I slide my mouth off his dick and fix his sweats. Edward rolls over so that his face is buried in the pillow, and he's groaning nonsensical words of – what sounds like – approval. I grin and crawl back up the bed to lie next to him, on my side.

"Edward?"

He pulls his face out of the pillow and places one cheek against it instead. He's flushed, and slightly sweaty, and fuck me, he looks amazing. His green eyes glitter when he looks at me.

"Are you sure you've never done that before?"

I swat at him. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Well, then, you've got a hell of a lot of natural talent, Jazz."

I grin, deliriously happy at the compliment. "You know, when I came over here, I expected you to toss me out on my ass."

"What, this ass?" he says, and swats at it.

I yelp, and then can't help laughing. "Yes, that ass."

"I was intending to, until you told me the truth."

"And now that I have?"

He beams. "There's no fucking way I'm ever tossing you out of here."

I can't help the shit-eating grin that spreads across my face. "I guess this means I'm forgiven."

"I'm sorry, was I mad at you? Must've slipped my mind."

"Kinda like what happened on New Years."

"Yeah, well," Edward gives me this shy sorta smile that makes my heart melt a little bit. Okay, a lot. "I figured it must've been a dream, because I didn't actually believe I could get that lucky."

"Looks like you were wrong."

"Looks like. Hey, Jasper…" He's got this sly smirk spreading across his face, and it's making my heartbeat pound a little faster. It's like the look he gets when he's about to say something snarky or sarcastic. "Don't take this the wrong way, or anything, but… I think you might be gay."

No, wait, it _is_ that look.

"Really?" I say, and my words drip with the same sarcasm. "I had no idea."

His lips twitch. My lips twitch.

We burst out laughing.

* * *

_**A/N – Here, we have the first part of March. **_

_** So, yeah, TD69, there's a good chance you'll get March tonight :)**_

_** You reviewers are amazing! A quick shout out to BloodTearsAndGold, because it's always wonderful to hear that someone appreciates my genius ;)**_

_** Muchos besos!**_

_** PJ **_

_** x**_


	8. Seven: March (Part Two)

_**Seven**_

_**March (Part Two)**_

* * *

I lie back on Edward's comforter with my arms crossed behind my head as I watch him pace back and forth at the foot of the bed. His grey sweats are looser than his usual skinny jeans, but they hang real low on his hips, and since he's shirtless, it's quite the visual.

I could watch him for hours in blissful silence.

Unfortunately, that's not an option, because we're meant to be having a serious conversation.

I say 'meant to' because serious conversations with Edward seldom stay serious for long.

He's doing surprisingly well, though.

"So, how long have you known?" He asks, running one hand through his total sex-hair. That I gave him. Self-five.

"Known what?"

He drops his hand. Looks at me like I'm a fuckin' idiot.

"Are you a fucking idiot?" he demands. I grin. It's pretty cool that I can almost read his mind like that.

"No, I know the general topic you're gettin' at, but which part specifically?" I prop myself up on my elbows. "How long have I known…?"

"Okay," I can tell he's trying not to smile. "How long have you known that you're gay?"

"Since February, for sure. Next."

"How long have you known you liked me?" He blushes slightly as he says it. Too fuckin' cute.

"Um, consciously or subconsciously?"

He looks surprised. "There's a difference?"

I shrug. "Yeah."

"Consciously, then."

"Since New Year's Eve, when I stuck my fuckin' tongue down your throat. Kinda a big clue, right there."

He's still trying not to smile, but it looks like it's taking more effort than he's actually capable of. Which is saying something. "Alright, and subconsciously?"

"Since you knocked me on my ass at Lauren's house."

He can't help it. The smile spreads across his face. "Really?"

"What can I say? You swept me off my feet."

"Ha, ha. So… when you freaked out about Seth…"

"Can we not fuckin' talk about that asshole?" I growl. "I really don't wanna get mad again."

Edward stops his pacing to shoot me a grin. "Aw, Jazz, are you jealous?"

"You bet your sweet ass I'm jealous."

He laughs, and starts walking up and down again. "So, remind me again why it took you so long to tell me?"

"Cuz Alice made me promise not to say anythin' until I knew for sure, otherwise I'd just fuck with your head."

"Fucking Alice," he grumbles. "This could've all been straightened out _months_ ago."

"Yeah, but you can't blame her, really. She was only lookin' out for you." I smirk. "Teddy."

"Shut up."

"What? It's a cute nickname."

"It's really not. Alice started it, you know. She couldn't say 'Edward' when she was little, so she just used to call me Teddy. Everyone else picked up on it, and it stuck."

"It's not that bad. She calls me Jazzy."

He snickers. "I s'pose. What did your family nickname you, growing up?"

"Jay. Pretty unoriginal. Rosie don't use it all that often anymore, but Katie and Tanya still do."

"What does Rosalie call you, then?"

"Jasper. Or 'you fuckin' bastard'… it's all dependin' on her mood."

He pauses to grin at me again, green eyes twinkling. "Real charmer, that girl."

"Don't I know it? Feel lucky that you're gonna be outta the house by the time Maggie hits her teens. Teenage sisters, man… I had three all under the same roof until a couple years ago. Fuckin' nightmare. They used to make me paint their nails when they couldn't get it lookin' neat on their wrong hands."

Edward laughs out loud. "No wonder you turned out gay."

I chuck a pillow at his head. He ducks, and it smacks off the wall. "What's your excuse?"

"Don't have one. I just like cock."

We both laugh, this time.

Just then, there's a knock on the door. "Boys? I'm just coming up to make sure you're okay?"

Edward moves with a speed I didn't think humanly possible, tossing me my shirt and tugging his own back on, practically in the same movement. I shrug my t-shirt over my shoulders.

"Yeah, sure," Edward calls back, deceptively calm. "Come on in, Mom."

Esme pokes her head round the door, surveying the scene. It looks pretty innocent; me on the bed, Edward leaning against the wall facing me. She smiles.

"Are we all friends again?"

Edward's eyes flicker over to mine. I can read the thought in them. _Well, we've been getting pretty friendly…_

I try my damnedest not to laugh and give us both away.

"Yeah, Esme," I say. "We're good."

She seems to sag visibly with relief. "Oh, that's good. I was so worried, for a while there. You boys are such good friends, I'd hate for anything to get in the way of that."

I smile reassuringly at her. She's just about the sweetest woman in the whole damn world. Carlisle is a lucky man. "No need to worry now. Everything's fine."

"Do you two want to come downstairs?" She turns to Edward. "Your father's just picked Maggie up from her dance class, and we're about to have dinner." And now, she turns to me. "You're more than welcome to stay, of course, Jasper."

"That'd be great," I say, "What're we havin'?"

"Lasagna. Is that okay?"

"If you made it, Esme, I'm sure it's pretty much to die for."

She goes all pink and flustered at the compliment, and beams at me. "It'll be ready in a couple of minutes."

When she ducks out of the room, Edward walks over to the door. He leans against it to shut it, and shakes his head at me.

"What?" I smirk.

"You. 'Puttin' on the Southern' with my mom. Any more of that, and she'll be ready to pack her bags and run away with you."

I laugh. "I don't see that happenin' any time soon. Your mama's pretty an' all, but she's not really my type."

"You better not go putting the moves on my dad, either."

"I'm thinkin' about it," I tease. I get up off the bed and make my way towards both him and the door. "The good Doctor _is_ kinda cute."

He rolls his eyes. "I beg of you, stop."

"He's not the Cullen I wanna run away with, though." I brace my palms on the door, either side of his shoulders. His breath hitches slightly.

"Oh no?"

"Nah…" I say slyly, "Once Maggie's old enough to drive, we're outta here."

"You're talking out of your ass, Jasper Hale," he says, but he's laughing. Then, abruptly, he reaches out and spins us round. I don't even have time to realize what's happening before my back hits the door. Our faces are level – he's less than an inch shorter than me – and close enough that I can feel his breath fanning across my face when he says his next words. "As if I'd let you run away with anyone else. You may be talking out your ass, but your ass is _mine_."

I barely have time to suck in a breath before his lips come crashing down on mine in a searing hot kiss. My hand fists in the shirt at his back, pulling him against me, hard. And hard is the operative word, there.

"Say it," Edward growls into my mouth, pinning me between him and the door. I can feel every last inch of him pressing against me. "Who do you belong to, Jasper?"

Possessive Edward is fuckin' hot. I wanna tease him some more.

"Don't wanna say it," I mumble against his lips. "Make me."

He grinds his hips into mine, and I groan softly. He's got one hand against the door by my head, but the other is digging into my hip so that I can't move an inch. He thrusts into me again, and the friction is so, so delicious. "Say it…"

"Make me… ugh!"

His mouth is on my neck. Sucking. Licking. Biting. I can't fuckin' form thoughts.

"Say it…" His voice is sing-song, now, because my seriously heavy breathing is a pretty good indicator that he's getting to me. Not to mention the fact that I'm whimpering slightly. "Who do you belong to?"

He rolls his hips again, and I give in. "Ugh. You."

"My name."

"Edward _fuckin'_ Cullen."

"Damn straight." He pulls away from me, and his eyes are full of a salacious sparkle that makes my dick twitch. He's chewing on his tongue piercing again, and it's all I can do not to launch myself at him, dinner be damned. He deftly maneuvers me out of the way of the door, opening it wide. "And don't you forget it."

With a wink, he disappears out of sight.

"Smug bastard." I shake my head, and then follow him down to the kitchen.

Dinner at the Cullens' is normally a chilled out affair, but not tonight. Nope. Because I'm horny as all hell, and I'm sitting next to Edward, and he is _not_ letting me eat my lasagna – which is damn good – in peace.

Far fuckin' from it.

He's chatting away to his dad about his shift at the hospital, fork clutched in his right hand, and all the while, his left hand is running up and down the inside of my thigh, fingertips reaching _just_ high enough to make me crazy.

I can't concentrate on anything else that's going on around me. I can barely chew my food. Edward, meanwhile, is completely unfazed.

Fuckin' tease.

"So, Jasper…" Carlisle catches my attention, or, at least, the little part of it I have that's not focused on Edward's hand on my leg. "Have you heard back from Columbia, yet?"

"Not yet," I reply, and I'm relieved to hear that my voice sounds normal. "But I'm hopin' to get in with early admission."

Carlisle nods. "That's good. Exciting, isn't it? All this college stuff? I remember when I went to med school…" His gray eyes get this dreamy, reminiscent look for a moment. He snaps out of it and looks at Edward. "I met your mother at Oxford, you know."

"I know," he says, with an indulgent smile that tells me he's heard this story a whole bunch of times. "In the library."

"Reading room," Esme corrects. Her eyes are all wistful, as well. "It was a fateful day. I was bending down to get a book off the bottom shelf, and he nearly tripped over me. Love at first sight." She sighs dreamily. I smile.

"Why is it that relationships always begin by causing bodily harm to each other?" Edward mutters, and I laugh quietly under my breath. Then I stiffen – in all senses – when his hand grazes my crotch.

I look at him. _Stop it._

He quirks an eyebrow at me. _Make me. _

My eyes widen. _Your parents are sittin' right there!_

_And?_ His eyes seem to say.

I grit my teeth and return my gaze to my plate, before Esme attracts my attention again.

"How's your sister, Jasper?"

"Which one?" I ask. Edward's fingers are still stroking me through my jeans. I'm tempted to reach down and forcibly remove his hand, but that would make it really obvious what he's been doing, so I don't.

Esme smiles. "Rosalie. Or, well, any of them."

"Rosie's fine. Still… disgustingly in love with… Emmett." Fuck. My breathing is getting ragged. _Fuckin' Edward!_

"And the other two? What were their names again?"

"Tanya and… Kate. Well, Katrina, but… Kate for short. They're good."

I aim a kick at Edward under the table. It misses.

"Where are they at college, again? I remember you telling me before, but…"

"Um… Kate's at the… University of Washington. Tanya's at… Northwestern." I really hope they don't notice how breathy I sound. I shoot Edward a pointed look, which he ignores. Asshat.

Esme goes all starry-eyed again. "Oh, Chicago! Do you remember our house in Chicago, Edward?"

I'm momentarily distracted from him touching me by this bit of information. "You lived in Chicago?"

He gives me a wry smile, eyes full of mischief at what he's doing to me under the table. "I was born in Chicago, actually. Lived there until I was nine."

"And then you moved to, um, to New York?" My voice goes up an octave as Edward increases the pressure of his fingers. I'm trying not to squirm in my seat. He grins.

"Yup. Well, we lived in Philadelphia for a year, but then we moved to New York."

"How did I not know this about you already?" I ask.

He shrugs, and shoots me a licentious grin.

The torture continues right up until the end of dinner. He eases off right before I could start moaning and give myself away, and then goes right back to it once he's sure I've cooled down a bit. The second Esme and Carlisle disappear into the kitchen to clean up the plates, and Maggie skips off to play, I turn and shove Edward so hard that the whole chair rocks and he nearly slides off the edge of it. He grips the table to steady himself, laughing.

"You fuckin' jerk!" I hiss, torn between arousal and annoyance. "What the hell was that?"

He's totally unrepentant. "My dinner entertainment. It was pretty funny, watching you trying to keep a straight face the entire time."

"It was fuckin' embarrassin'!" I groan, burying my head in my hands.

"Oh, relax, will you, they didn't suspect a thing."

I give him a sidelong look, certain my cheeks are scarlet. "Uncool, man. Uncool."

"You liked it."

"Yeah, that was kinda the problem."

Edward ducks his head, trying to meet my eyes. "Jasper?"

"What?" I grumble.

"Are you mad at me?"

He's pulling out the puppy-dog look, and it's so fuckin' adorable that I know I won't hold up under it. I try, anyway. "Yes."

"How 'bout now?" He sticks out his bottom lip, looking up at me through his eyelashes.

"Yes," I say, but my lips are twitching into a smile. He whines like an actual puppy, and I crack. "Damn it!" I'm laughing.

He beams, satisfied that he's gotten away with his totally inappropriate behavior. "I knew you couldn't resist me." He raises his juice to his mouth.

"Smug bastard," I grumble, and he grins against the rim of his glass.

* * *

Edward follows me to Emmett's in the Volvo so that he can drive me home afterwards. I park Wanda – I had no idea he'd named his Jeep that until today – out front, and take the porch steps two at a time to ring the doorbell.

The door swings open, and I'm looking into the surly, thirteen-year-old face of Ryan McCarty, Emmett's youngest brother. "Oh," he says dispassionately. "It's you."

"Hello to you, too, Ry. Is Em in?"

Ryan shrugs. "I think him and Henry went to shoot some pool. Whatever. I dunno." Another shrug. I think the McCarty affability genes were all used up on his four older brothers by the time Ryan was born, because he's pretty damn unpleasant to everyone.

"The fuck you talkin' about, shrimp? I'm right here!" Emmett's booming voice sounds from behind his brother, and he appears in the doorway. He grins widely at me, and then frowns down at Ryan. "Henry and _Tommy_ went to shoot pool. I've been here the whole damn time. You walked past me to answer the goddamn door!"

Ryan shrugs. "I thought you were Ethan."

"Ethan's upstairs. Now _get_. I wanna talk to Jasper." He shoos his little brother away. Ryan complies, but not before he throws Emmett one last contemptuous look over his shoulder. Emmett shakes his head wearily.

"Moody little shit." He leans against the doorframe, scrutinizing my face. "So, how'd it go?"

He holds out his hand and I drop his keys into his waiting palm. Then I jerk my thumb behind me. Emmett cranes his neck to see Edward's Volvo parked up behind Wanda, the engine still running.

"Pretty well, then?" he asks, waggling his eyebrows.

"Better than I expected, yeah."

"Didya hook up?"

I blush and scratch the back of my neck. That seems to be answer enough for Emmett, because he holds out his fist. I laugh, shake my head at him, and then bump it with my own.

"Kinky fucker. Any good?"

"Em!"

"What? If it was a chick, I'd ask you that. Where's the difference, really?"

I raise my eyebrows at him. He smirks.

"Other than anatomically," he amends.

"Um, well, it was pretty great, actually," I admit, and my face is probably crimson.

"Nice. Well, 'bout time you got some. I was startin' to worry that you'd gone all asexual. But, nope, turns out, just homo."

I laugh. Emmett has a knack for making uncomfortable topics seem like nothing. I glance back at the Volvo. "Well, I gotta go…"

"Get back to lover-boy."

I thump him on the shoulder. He chuckles. "Seriously though, Emmett… thanks."

"Anytime, man. What are friends for?"

I grin at him and turn away. I'm halfway down the steps when he calls me back.

"Jasper?"

I glance over my shoulder. "Yeah?"

"You gonna tell Rosie about all this? I don't like keepin' shit from her. You know how she gets."

Do I ever. Rosalie blows up like a human volcano when she finds out people have been keeping secrets around her. "I will, man. Soon. Promise."

"Okay." He nods. "She's gonna be cool with it, ya know. Once she gets her head round everythin'. All your family will be. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried," I lie. "It'll all be fine."

"Right."

"Bye, Em."

"Later, Jasper."

I hurry back across the path to the Volvo and open the passenger door. When I've settled into the seat, I glance over at Edward. He's got one copper eyebrow raised and a slight grin on his face.

"Did I just see you fist-bump Emmett about me?"

I flush. "No."

"You did, didn't you?" His grin widens.

"Shut the fuck up, Cullen."

* * *

Edward decides he's gonna hang at my place for a while before he heads home. I get the feeling he just doesn't wanna say goodbye. That's fine by me, because I feel pretty much the exact same way. He lounges on the beanbag chair in the corner of my room, eyes raking over me in a look that's almost tangible as I stretch out on the bed.

"So… Emmett knew you liked me before _I_ knew you liked me?"

I've been waiting for that. I damn well knew he wouldn't let that go without comment. "Yeah, but it was only 'cuz he guessed."

"Huh. Never pegged Emmett for the observant type." He eyes me askance.

"He's not, he just knows me well."

"_I _know you well, and I didn't realize."

"Yeah, but mama says that people who are directly involved with the situation are usually the last ones to know."

"So…" he gets up from the chair and strolls over to me. "We're a situation?"

He sits down on the bed. I look up at him, studying the strong line of his jaw, his sculpted face, the wicked sparkle in his green eyes. "Yeah," I say. "I guess you could say that we're a situation."

"I wouldn't call what we're in a situation."

"What would you call it, then?"

"I think I'd call it a relationship."

I go still, and he measures my reaction with an expression of infinite patience. "Edward Cullen, are you askin' what I think you're askin'?"

"I dunno, are you saying yes?"

"To what? You ain't asked me anything yet?"

He grinds his teeth. "You're so annoying."

"Yeah. But you love me."

"God only knows why." The teasing light never leaves his eyes, but it's joined by a glimmer of deep affection that makes me feel all warm inside. "But you're right, I do. And you love me, too."

I grin. "Yup. So ask me."

He sighs, but he's fighting the desire to laugh. I can tell. Then he looks at me again, and his eyes are all intense, and I can't breathe. "Jasper, will you be my boyfriend?"

I tilt my head, like I'm considering. "Hmm… I dunno…"

He reaches over me to grab my pillow, smacking me in the face with it. I duck out from under the feathery weapon, laughing my ass off. He raises it to hit me again, a mock-scowl on his face. "Yes! Yes, I will! Okay?"

"Okay." He drops the pillow. Looks at me.

And then suddenly his hands are in my hair and we're making out like we've just been told we've only got a couple minutes to live. I lose myself in the kiss for a moment, sighing with satisfaction at the feel of his lips on mine. When he pulls back, he starts playing with his tongue ring again as he watches me. My eyes dart to his mouth, and he stops.

"Sorry, I know you hate that."

"I don't, actually."

"But you're always telling me not to do it."

"Not because I hate it."

He frowns at me. I wait for him to cotton onto what I'm actually saying. His eyes widen when he gets it.

"Ohhhh…" he breathes. A lewd smirk flits across his face, and he lifts one eyebrow. "_Really_…?"

"Be smugger."

"Can't possibly."

I twist my mouth to one side in an effort to hold in my laughter. He purposefully starts playing with his tongue piercing again, trying to make it look nonchalant. I roll my eyes.

"Fuckin' hell, Cullen, you're gonna be the death of me."

He stops. "Let's hope not." Pushing himself up into a proper sitting position, he slides one hand back against the nape of my neck. "I want you around for a long time."

He smiles at me, then, and it's all dimples and sunshine and happiness, and I can't look away. I grin back at him, my heart swelling in my chest.

My boyfriend. Edward Cullen is my fuckin' boyfriend!

Gramma always used to give me the same little speech whenever something unexpected happens in my life; "Well, Jasper Hale, it's a funny ol' world out there. Sometimes you just gotta accept that life is as batshit crazy as we are."

I don't know why that comes to me, now, but it does, and all I can think is;

_Ain't that the fuckin' truth._

* * *

_**A/N – Phew. Just call me butter, because I'm on a roll! Four updates, and I'm done for the day, officially. Yeesh! I will attempt to beat my personal best at some point, but it won't be tomorrow, because I'm at work all day. Expect at least one though! **_

_**PJ **_

_**x**_


	9. Eight: March (Part Three)

_**A/N – I promised an update, and an update you shall have! Your feedback has been insane, guys, thank you. I can't actually tell you enough what a boost it is for me **__**. **_

_** This chapter contains quite a bit of interaction with Gramma Whitlock. I've been hearing a lot that she's a reviewer fave ;)!**_

_** BTW – in case you were wondering, her character is actually based on my own grandmother, except she's Scottish, not Southern. Still, their personalities are very similar. As is their penchant for whiskey. (And yes, I'm well aware that my gran is cool.) **_

_** Now, on with the story!**_

* * *

_**Eight**_

_** March (Part Three)**_

"Edward…" I groan, tipping my head back at the sensation of his tongue sliding down the side of my throat. We're lying on my bed, engaging in pretty much the same thing we've been doing every evening for the past week; giving in to teenage hormones and months of unacknowledged sexual tension with clandestine kisses and secret touches, locked up in either my room or his.

Nobody knows or suspects that everything has changed between us, 'cept Emmett, and I kinda love having him all to myself like this.

His messy bronze hair tickles my nose as he trails his tongue back up, slowly. The metal stud of his tongue ring is cold against my pulse compared to the warm wetness of the talented muscle surrounding it.

He pulls away, and his eyes are glittering with the salacious sparkle I've quickly become accustomed to. "What?"

"I'm supposed to be doing math homework."

"It's Friday. Blow it off."

"What happened to you ridin' my ass about gettin' good grades?"

"I decided I'd rather ride your ass in other ways."

When he says stuff like that, it makes it very hard – pun intended – to remember why I'm supposed to care about something as inconsequential as math. It also sends a shiver down my spine – part longing, part fear. I mean, fooling around is one thing, but the whole actual sex part… yeah, that freaks the fuck outta me.

I mean, logistically, I don't know how it will go. Well, okay, I know where everything _goes_, I'm not a fuckin' moron, but I guess I just mean that I don't know _who_ will go _where_. And while I'm pretty much okay with being on top, in that scenario, I have no fucking idea how I feel about the reverse. It terrifies me. Monumentally.

So far, I've sorted it out in my head like this;

Bending Edward over the nearest flat surface I can find and fucking him senseless? I can get on board with that.

Takin' it up the ass? Um… not sure.

Edward's looking into my eyes, and, as always, he seems to be able to tell what I'm thinking. "I wasn't suggesting it right now, Jasper. Breathe."

I obediently pull in a deep breath. "Sorry."

"It's fine. You're still working all this shit out. I've been there. I get it." He reaches over and tucks a stray curl behind my ear. "It's been a week, Jazz. I'm hardly expecting you to be totally comfortable with all of this…" He gestures between the two of us, as if I don't know what he's talking about, "overnight. It's a huge fucking change."

I rest my hands on his jean-clad legs, which are bent up at the knee either side of me. Touching him seems to calm my sudden influx of nerves.

"I feel like I'm kinda spinnin' off at a million miles an hour and I dunno what's up and what's down anymore," I admit in a small voice. I chance a glance into his eyes, and they're real serious as they gaze back into my own.

"Like I said, I get it. I can handle some bumps in the road." He takes a deep breath, and I can tell he doesn't really want to say his next words. "But, Jasper… I don't want to just be some sort of teenage experiment for you. I can't handle that."

I grip his knees and slide him forward along my comforter until his forehead is resting against mine. His arms instinctively lock around my neck as he holds me to him. "You ain't an experiment to me, Edward. Promise. I love you, I really do, but I'm just…"

"Scared?" he breathes.

"Fuckin' terrified."

"Well, that's okay, you know. It'll come in time. Personally, I think you've been handling this whole transition ridiculously well."

I smile a little. "You do?"

"Well, yeah. You should've seen me when I realized I was gay. I freaked out."

I'm smiling proper now, because I just can't imagine that. Edward is so confident and comfortable in his own skin. "What happened?"

"I was fifteen, and I'd just started sophomore year. There was this girl that I was dating. Claire. I… well… we were getting pretty serious, and she wanted to have sex, but I kept finding all these excuses to avoid it. Then, one day, Claire was having a party at her place, and all of our year was invited. I got wasted and we were messing around in her room, but when she tried to… well, I just couldn't. It didn't feel right, y'know? But I was so far in denial that I just tried to blame it on the booze. I ran out of the room and hid in the bathroom, pretending to puke."

My teeth bite into my bottom lip. I can imagine the scene as he describes it – Edward sitting with his head in his hands on the linoleum, breathing all shallow, trying to ignore what's staring him in the face. My thumbs ghost across his thighs in a wordless expression of comfort. "And then?"

"And then… Seth found me." I stiffen at Seth's name, but Edward just nuzzles his nose against mine for a moment until I loosen up. "Relax, Jasper. Nothing happened. He just… well, he told me some harsh truths about myself. Forced me to confront my own sexuality. He talked to me for three hours on the bathroom floor, and I just sat there, drunk and crying, as I confessed everything – how I felt when I was with Claire, how she didn't turn me on the way she was supposed to, how certain guys I knew _did_ elicit that reaction from me. He just… listened. He helped me through it."

"He must've been a real good friend," I admit, somewhat grudgingly.

"He was. And now look at me."

"I can't seem to be able to stop myself from lookin' at you."

Edward laughs, and then brushes a light kiss against my lips. I increase the pressure, instantly craving more, but he pulls back after a few lingering seconds. Apparently, this is serious conversation time, not make-out-with-your-boyfriend time.

"I promise to help you through all the confusion, Jazz," he says. He molds one warm, slightly rough palm to my cheek, and I lean into the contact. His eyes, so fuckin' green, hold mine. "At your own pace, in your own time. Because I love you. And I've never felt this way about anyone else."

My breath hitches slightly, and when I answer him, my voice shakes. "I… me, too. I've never… about anyone. I think… fuck, I think you're kinda _it_ for me, Edward."

He closes his eyes, and that crooked smile that I love so fuckin' much spreads across his face. "Kiss me," he murmurs.

I don't need tellin' twice.

* * *

It's a couple hours later when we head down from my room to get some food. Rosalie's out at Emmett's and mama's gone on some girls' weekend to Dallas with Caroline and Sarah-Beth from the hair salon where she works, so it's just Gramma in the house.

She's sitting at the kitchen table with a crossword puzzle and a short glass filled halfway with whiskey when we stroll on in. She puts down the paper she's been scrutinizing so intently and fixes me with a Look over her reading glasses.

"Jasper Hale, what do you think you're doin' with your head in the dang refrigerator?"

Edward, who is leaning against the counter, his white t-shirt rumpled up nearly as bad as his hair, smirks at her scolding tone. I straighten up and turn to the old woman expectantly.

"Is there some law against bein' hungry, Gramma?"

"Don't you sass me, boy. I ain't puttin' up with that."

"Sorry," I say, lips twitching. Edward looks like he's dying to laugh. "We just wanted a snack, is all."

"There's some a them Doritos in the top cupboard over by the sink. You ain't gettin' your fingers in that peach cobbler, it's for tomorrow."

I grin, because Gramma always has a knack for guessing exactly what I'm trying to sneak out of the fridge. Usually something she's just baked. I comply with her instructions – the cupboard is just above Edward's head, and I 'innocently' brush my whole body up against his as I reach over to grab the packet. He slides his fingers up the front of my shirt, trailing them over my abs, and my breath hitches. Glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, I see him chewin' on his tongue ring as he watches me. I nearly lose it.

I don't, though. I step away to the side, not far enough that he has to take his hand away – after all, the way he's tracing my stomach muscles with feather-light touches feels pretty damn incredible – but enough so that I'm not too tempted to kiss him. I empty the Doritos into a bowl, and then (reluctantly) I pull away from Edward completely and make my way over to the table, opposite Gramma. I scrape back the chair and drop into it.

A moment later, Edward follows suit, sitting beside me. He reaches for a chip with his right hand, while his left seeks out mine on my lap. He slides his fingers through mine, clenching them together. A grin flits across my face as his thumb strokes gently across my knuckles.

He's holdin' my fuckin' hand. Under the table.

And I love it.

Gramma seems to be getting frustrated as she taps her pen against the crossword puzzle, face screwed up as she thinks real hard about one of the answers.

"Ah, ta hell with this." Giving up, Gramma flips the paper over, and she seems to be scanning an article that she doesn't really agree with, because her brow furrows and she tuts. Then, she looks up at me sternly like I'm somehow to blame for the words printed on the page. "You seen them stats in the paper?"

"What stats?" There could be a million things she's talking about. Not even, necessarily, what she's reading at the moment. You can just never tell with Gramma.

"About all them teenage pregnancies… terrible stuff. This one," she taps the article, "is younger 'n our Rosie. Poor kids are ruinin' their lives over a bit a fornication."

"Yeah, Gramma, it's real tragic." I'm trying not to smirk. So is Edward.

Her sharp look intensifies. "If I ever find out you gone an' got some pretty young thing with a whole future ahead a her in trouble like that, Jasper Hale, I'll cut your fuckin' balls off."

Edward inhales the chip he's just been chewing, and starts hacking up a lung, torn between laughing and choking. His face is going a worrying shade of red – I release his hand and thump him on the back until he can breathe again. Then, I slip my hand back into his and grin at Gramma.

"'S okay, Gramma, I don't think either of us have to worry 'bout that."

Edward squeezes my hand under the table, still chuckling slightly.

I think she'll ease up on the grilling now, but instead, she changes tack as I reach for a chip.

"What about all a them drugs that're out there? Marijuana and the like? You messed up in any a that, Jasper Hale?"

Gramma pronounces it like _marriage-you-wanna_. I can tell Edward finds that amusing.

"No, ma'am," I tell her.

Her sharp gaze transfers to Edward. "What 'bout you, Edward, darlin'? You gettin' all mixed up in any a that bad stuff?"

It doesn't escape my notice that I'm 'Jasper Hale' while he gets 'Edward, darlin''. Favoritism sucks when your own Gramma is nicer to your boyfriend than she is to you.

"No, ma'am," he echoes me. I dunno why, but in his accent, it sounds so much politer. "I like to keep things clean."

I snort derisively before I can help myself. Gramma and Edward both look at me – the former all stern, the latter amused.

"You got somethin' ta say, Jay?"

"No, ma'am."

"Then quit snortin' like a damn pig. Go get yerself a Kleenex if you need ta blow yer nose."

Edward laughs. I shake my head good-naturedly at her.

"Where's the love, Gramma?" I ask. "You're bein' all mean to me today."

She glances up and smiles her nicest smile, eyes the same blue as mine taking on an affectionate sparkle that warms my heart. "You get plenty a love, Jasper Hale. Don't you go pretendin' you're all hard done by, now."

I grin back at her. "Okay."

When we've eaten our fill of Doritos, Edward and I head back upstairs. Just as we're going up, Gramma calls, "Is Edward stayin' over tonight?"

I look at him questioningly. _Do you want to?_

He looks right back. _Do _you_ want me to?_

I nod.

"Yeah, Gramma," Edward calls. "I'm staying."

"Alrighty then. You'd better eat breakfast in the mornin', Edward! Ain't havin' a repeat of last weekend with Isabella!"

I laugh. Gramma had made a killer spread last Saturday, because we had a guest, but didn't seem to realize that Bella eats just about as little as Rosie does. She was disgruntled to find them both snacking on grapefruit, but seeing as Kate was back to stay for the weekend, it hadn't gone to waste. She and I had pigged out on Gramma's homemade waffles, bacon and maple syrup until we were nearly sick.

"If you make it, Gramma, I'll eat it," Edward promises.

"You're a good boy," she says happily.

We practically race each other up the stairs to my room. As soon as I slam the door shut, I lock it. It's a recent precaution, but a necessary one. I don't wanna end up giving my poor Gramma a heart-attack if she walks in at an inopportune moment to find Edward suckin' my cock or somethin'.

That would be awkward. Not to mention totally mortifying for everyone involved.

Edward throws himself down on my bed, looking over at me with a total come-hither expression that makes my mouth go dry. He crooks one finger at me, beckoning me over.

I grin, and obey the summons. Throwing one leg over his body, I straddle his hips, and he props himself up on his elbows, smirking up at me.

"Where am I going to sleep?" he asks in a low voice. I'm already turned on by the position we're in, but the deep sultry smoothness of his words has me rock-hard in less than a second. He grins as he notices the change.

"In my bed, Cullen. Where fuckin' else?" I growl. I'm pleased to find that the obvious arousal in my voice has the same instant effect on him.

"Whatever will Gramma think?" he says, eyes wide and all faux-innocent.

"That you're sleepin' on my floor. Or not. I don't really give a shit, right now."

"You will, though." The teasing light in his eyes dims slightly. "You're not ready to tell anyone yet."

"No," I agree. "I'm not. Not yet. But I will be." I pause. "But I wanna prolong it for as long as I can, anyway, since, once I do tell, you're gonna have to abide by the rule when you come over."

"The rule?"

"Open door policy. Rosie and Emmett have to."

"Oh." Edward laughs. "Then I guess it's a good thing I'm just your best friend, isn't it?"

"There ain't no _just_ about it, Edward. You're my best friend. And the guy I'm in love with. But you're still my best friend, even if I do wanna do _this_ to you…"

I lean down and capture his lips with mine. He groans softly when my tongue instantly brushes his lower lip. His hands slide up my thighs and over my hips as his mouth opens and my tongue slips in. Everywhere his hands move over tingles with the aftershock of his touch. My lips move ardently against his, and I break the kiss only long enough to allow him to pull my shirt over my head. He throws it somewhere - I don't know where, because my mouth is back on his then, and my teeth are tugging at his bottom lip, and he's moaning into my mouth, and I've forgotten I was even wearing a shirt to begin with as his fingers trail along my spine.

"Jasper…" he breathes, breath hot against my lips.

"What?"

"Nothing, just… wanted to say your name."

I pull back to smile down at him, and then he's pushed me over onto my back and is kissing his way down the center of my chest. His hands make quick work of my fly, and he hooks his fingers into the waistband of my jeans and boxers together.

"Lift up," he instructs, and I raise my hips, breathing already ragged. He pulls my jeans the whole way down to mid-calf, and I kick them off. My boxers go with them, and I'm lying there totally naked. He sits up, and his eyes rake over my body hungrily, the heated look as physical as any touch. His t-shirt is up and over his head in one quick motion, and then he's kissing me again, pressing me down into the mattress.

His hand gently closes around my erection, and I hiss when his thumb circles the head, spreading the wetness around as he strokes me, grip firm.

"Jesus," I groan against his mouth. He hand slides up and then down again, thumb running along the vein on the underside of my cock, and I buck upwards. "Fuck."

He silences me with his mouth, tongue dancing with mine, and he tastes like Doritos and cherry soda and Edward. I suck on his tongue, tasting him more, and his left hand tangles in my hair as he continues to pump me with his right.

Up and down he strokes me, driving me into a heated frenzy, and I find myself thrusting up to match his movements, attacking his mouth even more urgently, as he brings me closer and closer to the edge.

A few minutes of this, and I can't take much more.

"Edward…" I pant, "I'm so fuckin' close…"

He immediately pulls back from me, taking his palm away. I'm about to protest, but it turns into a gasp of sheer pleasure as his mouth replaces his hand and he sucks me all the way down his throat. He hums, and I feel the vibration from the tip of my cock to the base. I fist one hand in the sheets, the other in his unruly copper hair, and he glances up through his lashes at me and I know I've not got a hope in hell of lasting more than a minute.

"Fuck… oh… Edward…" I breathe, my voice a hoarse, heated whisper. "Fuck…" I throw my head back as his tongue stud rolls along the underneath of my dick. "Oh… baby… don't stop… oh…"

I come violently, my whole body shaking as I spill myself into his mouth. I close my eyes, ecstatic bliss rippling through me, and after a minute, I feel Edward's weight on the mattress beside me. His hand strokes the hair, damp with sweat, back from my forehead.

"I didn't want us to have to clean up any mess," he says, almost like an apology, and I open my eyes as a breathy chuckle escapes my lips. I pull him down to kiss me, and I'm met with no resistance as his lips move softly against mine for a few moments.

Edward's hand slides up my bare thigh, and I realize for the second time that I'm naked, and he isn't. His erection is straining against his jeans, and I slip my hand in between our bodies to palm his crotch. He groans.

I pop the button of his jeans.

Pull down his fly.

He's kissing me harder, now.

One-handed, I tug his boxers down until his cock is set free.

His phone starts ringing loudly on my nightstand.

"Fuck!" he spits, tearing himself away from my mouth and reaching over to check the caller ID. He sighs and taps the screen to answer it, apology and annoyance in his green gaze. "Hey, Mom," he says, and then waits while she says something back.

I lie there, leaning on my forearms, impatient, when something pops into my head.

Edward. The dinner table. His parents.

_Hey, Mom, _he said.

Payback's a fuckin' bitch.

I push myself upright and off the bed. Edward looks at me questioningly.

I ignore him.

I walk over to where he's sitting, legs dangling off the side of the mattress, flies still open, cock still saluting at full mast.

"Did she?" Edward says, in response to whatever Esme's talking about. He's frowning as he watches me, clearly not anticipating what I'm about to do. "Well, that's great, I s'pose that she's gonna… oh!"

In one quick movement, born of athletic agility, I drop to my knees and wrap my lips around his length. He's staring down at me in disbelief, phone held slightly away from his ear, mouth hanging open, as I slide my mouth all the way down his shaft and back up again.

His eyes scream _what are you doing?_

My eyes say _not so funny now, is it?_

Understanding lights his eyes. Followed by something else. Challenge.

And then the cocky fucker _puts the phone back to his ear_ like there's nothing going on.

"Sure, Mom," he says casually. "I can talk for a minute."

He looks down at me. Pulls his tongue ring between his teeth. Raises one eyebrow. _Called your bluff, Hale?_

And I look up at him with new determination. _Game on, Cullen. _

My mouth goes to work, sucking him in until his head hits the back of my throat and then swallowing around him. He bucks his hips forwards to meet me, but he's still managing to talk to his Mom.

"Not much, really. Just hanging out at Jasper's. I'm probably gonna crash here, if it's cool."

I slide my mouth up, tongue swirling over his head. Glancing up, I see him biting down on his lip so hard it's turned white. Score. I do it again. His hips twitch forwards. And again, harder. His breathing hitches and falters.

"Yeah… um… only the one… night…"

I slam my mouth back down, yanking his hips forward at the same time. His jeans are in my way. With a little maneuvering, I roll them down his hips and pull them roughly off him. His boxers follow. Now he's as naked as I am. I suck fiercely, and he writhes against my face, letting out an almost inaudible moan. He's chewing his lips so hard that he might actually tear it off.

That'll teach him.

"Really?" His voice is high pitched now with the effort of trying to sound normal. Kinda breathy. It must sound odd to Esme. "Um, yeah… I think I… can… I'll just have to… ask him if… he…"

He's thrusting into me involuntarily now, but I'm not stopping him. Far fuckin' from it.

My tongue is sliding up and down the underside of his cock as I continue my relentless up and down motion.

"If he… wants to… argh, _MomIgottagobye_!" He says the last in one mega-fast splurge and disconnects the call without waiting for a response. His fingers grab my hair, and he pulls my head back roughly til I'm looking into his eyes. It's hot.

_I'm gonna fucking kill you for that, _his eyes say. They're hooded, dilated as fuck. He's close.

I suck harder, and within seconds, he's coming apart.

"_Jasper_… _fuck_…!"

He explodes, and I drink him down without hesitation now, teeth grazing the top of his cock as he shudders from head to toe with the force of his orgasm. I pull back, smirking, and he's looking at me like he doesn't know whether to kiss me or murder me.

"You fucking bastard!" He hisses, chest heaving. "What… was _that_?"

"Payback for what you did to me when we had dinner with your parents last week."

"That is so not even in the same league!" Edward's snarling, eyes blazing brightly. I'm not sure if it's lust or anger, but whatever it is, it's intoxicating.

His hand grips me under my chin and he pulls me up off my knees. I collapse on the bed on top of him, and he's kissing me ferociously, biting my lip hard enough to bruise.

It's painful in a really fuckin' good way.

He rolls us over, and his teeth release my lip in favor of my neck. His mouth clamps around my pulse point, and I suddenly realize what he's gonna do.

"Oh, no," I say, "You can't…"

He does. He sucks and bites until I'm not sure whether he's intending to just leave a mark or actually bite through my jugular and suck me dry. I writhe beneath him, torn between intense pleasure and sharp pain, until, satisfied, he eventually releases me.

Good humor dances in his irises as he observes his handiwork, and I know that he feels as though he's made his point. With some trepidation, I get up and go to the mirror in my closet door.

Fuckin' hell!

He's given me a hickey, which was what I was expecting, but it's a huge, livid purple bruise right in the join between my neck and my shoulder.

"You complete ass!" I mutter. "How am I gonna hide this?"

I round on him. He shrugs.

"I'm sure you'll think of something."

"Edward, what are you, a fuckin' vampire?"

"Don't like it? Then don't suck me off when I'm on the phone to my mom."

We glare at each other for a minute. Him reclined across my bed, me standing at the foot of it.

And then we both seem to realize that we're having a stare-off. Naked.

And we crack up.

* * *

_**Thanks for reading! **_

_**Oh, and if anyone's interested, I'm gunna start posting my own original story on FictionPress, under my same name. First chapter's already up, and the link is on my profile. It's urban fantasy, so think sorta Twilight-ish, only with graphic violence and equally graphic sex ;) **_

_**My boys will check in with you wonderful people tomorrow!**_

_**Kisses!**_

_**PJ**_

_**x**_


	10. Nine: March (Part Four)

_**Nine**_

_** March (Part Four)**_

"No… not _blueberry_…"

I stifle a laugh as I lie, propped up on one elbow, watching Edward mutter nonsensically in his sleep. The urge to touch him is almost overwhelming, but I manage to hold back, because I really wanna get a fuckin' clue as to what he's dreaming about.

"Jasper…" he mumbles, and then follows it with something completely unintelligible. I reach over to brush my fingers through his wild coppery hair, and he hums contentedly at my touch.

"I fuckin' love you," I whisper, even though he can't hear me. I just can't help myself from saying it. He looks so peaceful when he's asleep – long eyelashes throwing spiky shadows across the sharp angles of his cheekbones, full lips slightly parted. There's a reddish glint to the shadow of dark stubble across his top lip and on his chin where the light hits it. My heart expands in my chest the longer I look at him, expanding so much that I can barely breathe. I feel like such a goddamn girl for saying it, but I just kinda… melt.

Edward rolls over, burying his face in the pillow. I use this as my cue to quit bein' so damn creepy and get up outta bed. Throwing the covers back, I pull on my pajama pants and pad barefoot across the carpet to my bedroom door.

I hold my breath as I unlock it as quietly as possible, praying I don't disturb Edward's dreaming. He doesn't even flinch at the sharp click. Taking one last look at him over my shoulder, I slip out of the room and pull the door closed behind me.

My house is silent as the grave – I'd expect nothing less seeing as it's four in the morning – and I tiptoe my way along the landing towards the bathroom.

"Jay?"

I whip around. Rosalie is standing in her doorway, one hand on the handle and gaze bleary from sleep. Her long, blonde waves are adorably tousled. She releases the door handle and rubs at her eyes with her knuckles in an effort to clear them.

"Hey, Rosie. Did I wake you?"

"Nah, I was goin' to the bathroom anyway." She leans out of sight behind the door frame for a moment, and when she comes back into view, she's holding up a glass. "I'm thirsty."

"Oh. Alright, then." I tilt my head at her. "I thought you were gonna stay round Emmett's tonight?"

"I was." She pulls a face. "Ryan and Ethan kept walkin' into his room and they wouldn't leave us alone for, like, five minutes. So I figured I'd just come back home." The unspoken implication being that she couldn't get any action with Emmett's little brothers around. I try to act like that doesn't gross me out.

"Cool. Well, you wanna go in and use the tap first?"

I step back to allow her to go into the bathroom before me. She flashes me a grateful smile and starts to walk past, only to do a double-take. Her eyes just about pop out of her skull. "Jasper, what the _hell_ happened to your _neck_?"

I clap one hand over the hickey that I'd forgotten about until just now, but the damage has already been done. Rose takes a step towards me and tugs my hand away, gripping my chin in her thin fingers and angling my head sharply to one side for a better view.

"I fell," I say lamely.

Her eyebrows shoot up so far and so fast that she gets an instant facelift. "On what, the vacuum cleaner?"

I can't meet her eyes. "No…"

"That's a hickey, Jasper. That's the _mother_ of all hickeys."

I'm blushing furiously, and I pray to God that it's dark enough that she won't notice. I jerk my chin from her grip, backing up a step. "It's nothin'."

"It's definitely _not_ nothin'. Who gave you that?"

"No one."

"Jasper Michael Hale, who did that to your goddamn neck?" She cranes her head around, like she's expecting the culprit to step forward from the shadows and take a bow. Which he won't, because he's still tucked up asleep in my bed.

And I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea for him to fall asleep without putting any clothes on…

Rosalie's scrutinizing me, eyes narrowed and piercing in a way that she must've learnt off Gramma. "You didn't have that when I saw you earlier today… you been out with some girl?"

"Rose, just fuckin' drop it."

"I will not. Why don't you wanna tell me? You usually tell me. It's cuz it's someone that I know, isn't it? Oh my God, is it Bella? Please, please tell me that it ain't Bella!"

"Of course it ain't fuckin' Bella! You think I'd go there? I know she's your best friend."

"Well, then, who? Didya sneak someone up into your room or somethin'?"

"No, of course not! You think I'm gonna hook up with some girl while Edward's stayin' over?" I challenge, and she seems to relent.

"Okay, no. I don't think you'd do that. It's pretty low, and…" she trails off. Her eyes widen. "Jay… did _Edward_…?"

Oh, no. Oh, fuck no.

She's clicked.

"It was some kinda joke, right?" she says, very quietly. "You guys were just messin' about? You weren't actually makin' out with him for real…"

For the space of about ten seconds, I think about denying it. It would be so easy to just agree with her, to assure her that it was only a joke. I open my mouth to do exactly that, and then shut it promptly.

_Don't be a fuckin' coward, Hale. Man up and 'fess up_.

I cross my fingers behind my back. Take a deep, steadying breath. Look her straight in the eye. "No, Rosie. I'm not messin' about. I'm… we're sorta… well… _together_. For real."

Rosalie's mouth drops open. She just stares at me for about five minutes that seem like an eternity, not even blinking.

I can't stand it any longer. "Rosie, please say somethin'."

"I don't know what to say."

"Rose…"

She holds up one hand, palm facing me. It's the universal gesture for 'stop'. I obediently fall silent. "I just… need a minute."

My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I hug my arms to my chest, leaning back against the wall.

The 'minute' drags on and on torturously. Gramma's loud snores are the only sounds that reach my ears.

"How… how long has this been goin' on?" she whispers. Her eyes are closed, now, like she can't even look at me. My stomach is twisting itself into knots as I answer her.

"A week. Ish. But I've been… I mean, I realized that I… months ago."

"So, you're like… gay now? Just like that?" Her voice is barely audible. My hands are trembling almost as bad as my legs.

"Um… I haven't really figured that part out, yet," I admit, my voice equally quiet.

"So." She opens her eyes, and they're totally unreadable as they meet my own. "Lemme get this right. You're _with_ Edward."

I nod.

"And… you, like, _do_ stuff."

Another nod.

"And… you _like_ him? Like that?"

"Yeah." I take another deep breath. "I… um… I love him."

"But you _don't know_ if you're gay? You love a guy, who you're secretly datin' and makin' out with and doin' God-only-knows-what-else… I gotta be honest, Jasper, that sounds pretty fuckin' gay to me."

I almost smile, despite the gravity of the situation. Rosie has never been one to beat about the bush.

"Well, yeah, I know that I ain't straight. But it's more complicated than that."

"Do you like girls?" she asks bluntly.

"I dunno. I haven't been with one since I realized how I felt about… about Edward. I don't really think about them anymore."

"Do you like guys other than Edward?"

"I… dunno 'bout that either."

"You dunno much, do you?"

We look at each other for a long moment. I still can't tell what she's thinking, and it scares the shit outta me. I suck it up and put on a brave face.

"Rosie, are you… okay with this?"

She frowns. "I'm… confused. I ain't half as fuckin' confused as you are, but I'm still confused. Whatever, though. It's your life. Be as gay as you wanna be."

I'm not sure whether that's proper acceptance or not. She studies me again for a couple more minutes, and then sighs.

"Rose?"

"I'm goin' back to bed, Jasper. I'll see you in the mornin'."

And, without another word, she turns on her heel and walks back into her room, closing the door softly behind her. I stare at it for a few seconds, feeling kinda hollow. I don't know what I'd been expecting. A hug? A reassurance? She hadn't cringed away from me and called me anythin' terrible, at least. She hadn't yelled.

But she hadn't been all that receptive, either.

After I go to the bathroom, I let myself back into my room. Edward's still asleep, snuffle-snoring with his face turned towards my pillow. I shimmy out of my pants again and slide under the comforter. Lying on my back, I stare up at the ceiling for a moment. I'm fighting a telltale burn in the back of my eyes. I think I might cry.

Edward shifts, and his arm lands on my chest. Instinctively, he pulls me towards him, and I roll with the motion until I'm on my side, facing him. He shuffles forward, and nuzzles his face into my neck. My arms come up around him as I hold his body against mine, burying my nose in his citrusy-smelling hair. I screw my eyes shut tight.

Whether it's the tension radiating from me, or the shift in our positions, I'm not sure, but Edward stirs, and his eyes crack open sleepily.

He immediately senses that something is wrong, and his eyes fly open all the way.

"Jasper?"

I just grip him tighter to me, squeezing my eyes shut harder. The first tear leaks out and lands in his hair. He breaks my hold and grabs me by the shoulders, jerking us both upright in the bed.

"What the fuck happened?"

My breath hitches as I stifle a sob. "I… Rosalie… I told her."

"Told her… about _us_? When?"

"J-just now."

Edward's jade eyes blur through my tears. "What the hell did she say to you, Jazz?"

"She… she said…" I take a deep breath, forcing my breathing to remain under control, as Edward wipes his thumbs under my eyes, catching my tears. I blink twice, and his face solidifies again in my vision. "She told me…"

As I relay the whole conversation, Edward's expression gets bleaker and bleaker. He's got one hand in my hair, just stroking back my curls soothingly. "Jasper, it's not as bad as you think it is."

"I know Rose, Edward. It ain't good, either."

"She's just shocked, she'll be fine. I promise. Frosty or not, she knows now. She'll thaw out."

I sniff and nod slightly, though my heart isn't really in it. Edward brushes my hair back again. "Baby, please don't cry. I'm so sorry, this is all my fault."

That brings me up short. "How's that now?"

"If I hadn't of been so fucking stupid and given you that damn hickey in the first place…"

"You weren't to know. It ain't your fault, Edward."

Edward pulls me to him, tight against his chest, and just rocks me back and forth for a while. I close my eyes again and give into the soothing sensation. Rosalie's freaked out expression is still weighing heavily on my mind, but Edward's arms around me chase off the threat of any more tears.

For now, at least.

* * *

The next morning, when I wake up, Edward is nowhere to be found. I throw my pajama pants back on and head downstairs to look for him. I don't get that far, though, because the whispered sound of his voice drifting from Rosalie's room stops me.

"…even if that's the case, Rosalie."

I shuffle up closer to the door. I'm tempted to actually press my ear to the crack, but that would be difficult to explain if either of them opened it suddenly, so I just stand real close and hold my breath.

Rosalie's reply comes a couple seconds after. "Look, Edward, it's not about you. It's not even about the whole gay thing. It's just… he didn't tell me. Didn't even think to mention it. Not once. And he's been feelin' this way for months and months, but he hasn't said a dang word. I'm his sister, and he's just been lyin' and keepin' shit from me and pretendin' to be someone he's not. How am I supposed to feel about that?"

My heart clenches painfully in my chest at the sound of my baby sister's anguish. She seems so hurt by my secrecy, and I know why. After Dad died, I swore up and down to her that we'd always be there for each other. That we'd talk to each other about anything.

And I hadn't come through.

"You don't understand how hard it is, Rose. He didn't want to tell you because he was confused and scared…"

"But that's the point! He shoulda said somethin'. He shoulda trusted me. He _loves_ you, and he never said anythin'. We tell each other everythin', but he wasn't even gonna tell me this! I had to force it outta him. My big brother, and he doesn't even trust me enough to let me know what's goin' on with him. How would you feel?"

"I'd feel betrayed," Edward answers, displaying his usual knack for unvarnished honesty. I envy that about him – how he can be so cool and collected and just say whatever the hell he's thinking. "And hurt. But Jasper needs you, here. He needs your support."

"And he woulda had it, if he'd asked. But he didn't, Edward. It's hella strange to be standin' there and realize that you don't even know your own brother."

"He's still the same person you always thought he was," Edward says gently.

"No," Rosalie sighs. "He's not. Because the person I thought he was… that guy would never keep a secret like this from me. I won't tell anyone about you guys. I promise. I'd never do somethin' like that. But I'm still not ready to forgive him just yet."

Tears burning in my eyes, I turn on one heel and head back into my bedroom. I sit on the edge of the mattress, head in my hands, feeling totally sorry for myself. And, if I'm honest, a little ashamed. Rosie is right – I should've trusted her with this. She'd given me plenty of opportunity to. All those times she kept coming to my room and asking what was going on with me and Edward, why we weren't talking, I could've told her then. But I didn't, and it wasn't a case of not wanting to admit it. After all, I'd told Emmett.

It was because I didn't trust her not to turn her back on me. And, in not trusting her, I'd now effectively caused her to do exactly that.

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

I reach over to where my phone is sitting on my nightstand and begin scrolling through my contacts. When I find the number I want, I hit 'dial' instantly, before I can back out.

She answers on the third ring.

"Hey, baby bro, what's crackin'?"

"Katie, I have something I need to tell you."

There's a creak of bedsprings, and I hear my sister shuffling around a bit. Eventually, she says, "Right, okay Jay, I'm in my 'bad news' chair. Shoot."

I almost smile, but I'm too nervous. "It's not bad news."

"Then why do you sound like you're about to cry?"

"It's just… big news." I take a deep breath, and squeeze my eyes shut tight. "I'm gay, Kate."

There's silence on the other end of the phone for a few seconds, and I can't even breathe. Then, suddenly, I hear a soft laugh. "I know, babe."

"I… what?" I'm speechless.

"Oh, please! I've suspected you were gay since you were, like, fourteen. Your total lack of enthusiasm for girls was the first clue. But it wasn't until Edward showed up that I knew for sure." She sighs. "So, when did you guys get together?"

"I… wait… how do you know that we're together? Did Rosalie call you?"

"Rosie knew before me? Color me offended," she jokes. "No, she didn't call me, you idiot. I just knew you were jonesin' for him pretty much since the first time I met him. You look at him like… I dunno, Jay, like he hung the fuckin' moon or somethin'. It's too cute. And, seein' as how he's head over heels in love with you, I figured it was only a matter of time 'fore one of you 'fessed up your feelin's."

My head is spinning. I never thought Kate was so observant. She might even give Alice a run for her money. "So, you're like, okay with it?"

"Okay with it? I'm fuckin' thrilled for ya, Jasper. You deserve someone who'll treat ya good, and that boy sure as hell worships you. Plus, he's pretty much a hottie."

I laugh. "He is."

"I always thought we'd have the same taste in men."

"I never thought I had a taste for men at all."

"No offence, Jay… you may be all book-smart and shit, but you're hella stupid about your own feelin's sometimes."

I grin, and then sigh. "Rosalie's not takin' it so well."

"She starts givin' you a hard time, tell her I'll come home to kick her skinny little ass."

I laugh. "No, Katie, don't. She's just… angry I didn't tell her."

"Tell her to pull her head outta her ass, because some things in this world don't revolve around her, much as it might shock her to know that."

"Kinda harsh, Kate."

"Kinda true, Jasper." I hear a rustling on the other end of the line. "Oh, listen, I gotta go, but I'll call you this evenin'. And don't let Rosie or any of the haters get you down, okay? Rose'll come around in her own time."

"Alright, Katie. Love you."

"Love you, baby bro. Give Edward a kiss from me."

She hangs up, and I'm left staring at my phone in awe of my big sister, an emotion that I'm pretty sure I've never actually experienced for her before. When I look up, Edward's standing in the doorway, a shit-eating grin on his face.

"How long have you been standin' there?" I eye him warily.

"Long enough to here that I'm 'pretty much a hottie' and that Rose needs to pull her head out of her ass. Which, I have to say, I'm inclined to agree with." A shadow flits across his expression for a second, but then it clears.

"She's just feelin' all hurt," I sigh. Edward rolls his eyes, kicks the door shut, and comes to sit beside me on the bed.

"Sometimes, Jasper, I think you're too nice for your own good. Which is fine, because I'm gonna be there from now on to tell people to go to hell for you, when you're too polite to do it yourself."

I just look at him for a second. He looks at me.

I lean forward and press my lips against his. He returns my kiss slowly, stoking the fire that burns in my veins whenever he's nearby. By the time I pull away, we're both breathless.

"What was that for?" he murmurs, smiling crookedly at me.

"Cuz you're gettin' all protective and shit. It's kinda awesome." I grin.

"Well, yeah. Anyone who fucks with you fucks with me." He reaches over to push back some of the stubborn curls that have fallen forward onto my forehead. "It's you and me, Jazz. Remember when you said that I was 'it' for you? The feeling is mutual."

I catch his hand mid-motion, threading my fingers through his. I give his palm a quick squeeze. "I fuckin' love you, Cullen, you know that?"

He smiles another crooked smile. "I fucking love you, too, Hale."

* * *

"So, this is your favorite spot in town?" Edward and I are lying back on the hood of the Volvo, side by side. At this angle, we have a clear view of the stars above, twinkling like a thousand Christmas lights overhead.

I'd decided to share my favorite place with him. We're parked up by the creek, in a clearing that has recently been turned into a small, woodchip-covered parking lot for picnickers and shit.

It's real… romantic, actually.

I twist to one side and watch as Edward takes a drag of his cigarette. He's staring off up into the night sky, looking all lost-in-thought. I can't see his eyes properly to tell what he's thinking.

"Yeah. It's real quiet up here, and nobody ever disturbs me. Plus, when I lie back and look at the stars like we're doin', I get some perspective on, like, the future. Where I'm goin' and all. It's a good place to think."

"I totally get that. Thanks for bringing me. I love looking out at the stars, you know. It was always really hard to do in New York, because everything is so bright and noisy, even at nighttime. There was this old, abandoned house nearby where I lived, and it had this roof terrace. I used to sneak up there, sometimes, because I could see them clearly from there. I'd just grab a blanket and go and lie there for hours, thinking."

My heart does a funny little fluttery thing in my chest as I find yet another thing we have in common. "It kinda makes you feel small, doesn't it? Like it don't matter what you do, because in the grand scheme of things, you ain't actually more than just a blip on the radar?"

"Hm. I don't know. I kind of get the opposite feeling, actually. When I lie back like this and look up at the sky, and all those planets millions of miles away… I kind of feel like I'm closer to God, y'know?"

This surprises me. "I didn't know you believed in God." We've never actually spoken about it, but I always assumed that I'm the religious one of the pair of us. And even then, I might believe, but I'm not all that religious.

"Neither do I, most of the time. But out here… yeah, I think I can believe." He shifts onto one elbow, gazing over at me. His eyes look closer to black than green in the darkness. "I think God and I have a standing agreement. I'll believe in Him, and pray when I need to, so long as I still get to sleep in on Sundays."

I chuckle, but have to ask a question that's been plaguing me for a while. "D'you think God is cool with homosexuality?"

He appraises me for a while without answering, and I'm suddenly nervous. Edward has a habit of not pulling any punches when he speaks, and while it's good to know that he doesn't bullshit you, sometimes a white lie doesn't hurt. I know he won't give me one though. He'll answer honestly, whether I'll like it or not.

"I reckon He probably is, yeah. After all, God made everyone, didn't he? And it's not like any of us can help who we're attracted to. So I reckon He must've made some of us straight and some of us gay and some of us somewhere in-between. God didn't write the Bible, Jasper. Monks did."

Huh. That was surprisingly well-thought out and insightful. Not that Edward isn't smart, just that… I never knew he really gave it that much thought. "That kinda makes sense."

"I _always_ make sense," he declares, puffing out his chest and taking another drag of his cigarette. I laugh. "I'm exceptionally clever. And witty. And handsome."

"I ain't arguin'," I say, still laughing. "But you forgot 'full of yourself'."

He shrugs. "Goes without saying."

I shake my head at him ruefully. "You're such a cocky bastard."

"Well…" Another lopsided grin. "I have plenty to be cocky about."

"You mean your wit, brains and good-looks?" I check.

His eyes go all serious, and even though I can't see the impossible green color so well, I can still feel the fire burning in his gaze. My breath catches. "No, I didn't mean that. I meant that I have plenty to be cocky about because I've got you. And fuck knows how that happened, but I'm not going to second-guess my luck."

I literally think my heart is going to burst right out of my chest. "Whoa. That was kinda… like… well, it was romantic as hell."

He grins. "I'm all about the romance, love." I feel a shy sort of blush heating up my face at the endearment. It's super-sweet, and very un-Edward. Well, unlike Edward as the rest of the world sees him. I'm starting to see a whole different side.

"Hey, Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna make out?"

The teasing sparkle in his eyes makes my heart stutter, even as I'm laughing. "'Wanna make out?' You're right, you're a born romantic, Cullen."

"I try." He chucks his cigarette over his shoulder and brings his face towards mine. I slide my fingers into his messy hair as our noses touch. "So, do you?"

I smile fondly at him; the shot of life that he is. He's a study in contrasts, a bundle of contradictions. I'd thought that unraveling the mystery that is Edward Cullen would make him lose his shine, but I was wrong. He shines every bit as bright as the stars overhead. Vitality and beauty and a spirit that's so, so fuckin' beautiful.

"Jazz? Do you? D'you wanna make out? I know you want to…" he teases in a sing-song voice.

I laugh again, and a weightless feeling steals over me. "Yes, Edward. Now, shut the fuck up and kiss me."

* * *

**A/N – And, for any of you who don't know, there is now a companion fic to this one in Edward's POV called 'Deep In The Heart of Texas'. The chapters more or less match up with the chapter events of this one, so it's not spoilery. There will be, however, plenty of scenes that I haven't written about in JPOV, so it won't just be a samey story.**

**Thank you, again, to all of my reviewers and followers. You people seriously are awesome. **

**Much love,**

**PJ**

**x **


	11. Ten: March (Part Five)

**A/N – Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of update yesterday, but I'll make up for it today with (hopefully) a double-whammy AND a chapter of my EPOV companion. Part of one of J and E's conversations in this chapter is actually a variation on one that I love, from one of my favorite girly films, 27 Dresses. (Gold star for anyone who knows the scene from the film that I'm talking about).**

* * *

_**Ten**_

_**March (Part Five)**_

* * *

"So, she's still avoiding you, then?"

Edward gulps down a mouthful of coke and surveys me over his food. The diner is pretty quiet, for a Wednesday evening, and we're occupying one of only three inhabited booths – Edward waited for me to finish football practice so that we could get dinner together. A waitress is filing her nails at the end of the counter – a little unhygienic if you ask me – surveying Edward and I with a passive sort of interest as we eat our way through burgers and fries.

"Yeah," I sigh. "It's been five days. You'd think she'd let me off the hook already."

Edward frowns, copper eyebrows drawing low over his green eyes. "There's nothing to let you off the hook about. You haven't done anything wrong, Jazz."

"I lied to her."

"You didn't. You just never told her. There's a difference between withholding information and lying."

"Not to Rosie," I mutter. "I just feel real bad for hurtin' her."

Edward munches down on a bite of his cheeseburger and chews thoughtfully for a moment. "She needs to get over it. Kate was right, you know, when she said that Rosalie needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her."

"I still think that's kinda harsh… I mean, I'd be real upset if I found out that Rosie was keepin' some big secret from me."

"Jasper…" he groans. "What I don't understand is why you aren't angry at her right back. She's meant to love you and be there for you just as much as you are for her, and yet she can't even see past herself and give you some support? If it was me, I'd be fucking fuming."

I stare down at my plate and shrug. "Well… I guess I just don't get mad like that."

"Do you want to be a doormat for people your whole life?" Edward snaps. My head jerks up at that, and I narrow my eyes.

"I'm not a fuckin' doormat."

"Prove it. Give your sister a piece of your mind, rather than biting your tongue and avoiding confrontation. Stand up to her. Hell, stand up to anyone."

I'm stung by his words. "I do stand up for myself."

"When? Have you ever actually told anyone 'no' in your entire life? 'Drive me here, Jasper', 'Pick up the beer for the party, Jasper'… it's all 'do this, do that' and you just sit back and take it."

"What? Just cuz I'm nice, that's a problem?" I challenge.

"It is when it's at your own expense." His gaze softens slightly when he looks at me, now, and I can tell that he doesn't want to injure my pride by saying what he's saying. I can also tell that he genuinely believes some harsh truths will do me good.

I bite down on my lip. "Well… what if I don't really know how to? Stand up to people, I mean. I'm no good at it."

He leans across the table, staring seriously into my eyes. "I wanna try something. I'm going to ask you to do something, and you're going to tell me 'no'. You're gonna stay strong, no matter how hard I push. Okay?"

I nod warily. "Alright."

He squares his shoulders. "Jasper, can I borrow ten bucks?"

I grin. "No."

He gives me a completely bewildered look that is impressively sincere. "What? But, why? I mean, come on, it's ten bucks, I'll pay you back."

"No." My voice is still firm, though I can't deny that even his acted confusion and hurt is starting to tug at my heartstrings already. My God, I really am a complete sucker.

Edward runs one hand through his hair, looking distressed. "Look, I wouldn't ask if I didn't need it. It's just… Maggie's got this dance recital, and I need to get a ticket today, and I don't have any cash…"

Even though I know the sob story isn't even kinda true, I waver slightly. With a great deal of effort, I shake my head. "No, Edward. Sorry."

He catches my hand, staring deep into my eyes, and my breathing hitches slightly. "Please. Jasper, I'm begging you. Please, please can I borrow the money?"

"No?" It comes out like a question, but it's still a refusal. Edward drops my hand and grins.

"Ooh, very good. I thought you were going to crack for a second there." He reaches across the table for my coke and raises it to his lips. "Hey, can I steal a sip?"

"Sure," I say, and he takes a drink. It's only when he cocks one eyebrow at me that I realize what I've done – I caved in. "Damn it!"

He laughs. "So close."

I shake my head at him ruefully. "That's not fair. You cheated. I wasn't expectin' it."

"Well, yeah, because you're not going to be able to go through life anticipating when people are going to try and walk all over you, are you?"

I see his point, though it's still annoying. "So, what do you think I should say to Rosalie?"

"I think you should tell her that she needs to… oh, what was Kate's phrase? 'Pull her head outta her ass.' That was it. Tell her that." He grins evilly.

I throw a fry at him, which he ducks. "If you're not even gonna take this seriously…"

"I do take this seriously, Jazz. I take this _very_ seriously. I take you and me seriously, and I take Rosalie's ridiculous self-centeredness as a personal insult. And I think it's high time you set her right."

"Yeah," I sigh. "But it's just that… whenever people start yellin' and shit, I kinda freeze up. It's bad, I know, but I've always been that way." I pause. "I can't even think straight, y'know?"

He nods gravely, but there's a wicked sparkle in his eyes and a smirk on his lips that makes me think there's some flippant remark coming. I read him well, because a second later, he says, "Yeah, I know. I have that same problem all the time."

A wry smile twists my lips upwards. "Ha friggin' ha. You know that's not what I meant."

"I know, but it made you smile, didn't it?"

I study him for a moment, eyes wide and earnest, looking at me in that way he does that somehow manages to be teasing and tender at the same time. That look makes me go all fuzzy inside. "Yeah," I agree. "You're good at that."

All of a sudden, I feel his foot collide with my shin. "Ow!" I protest. "What the fuck was that for?"

He flashes his dimples at me. "Quit swooning over me and eat your damn food, Hale."

I laugh, because I remember saying the same thing to him not so long ago. I roll my eyes. "I'm not swoonin' over you. Asshat."

He just winks.

* * *

"Cut it out." I slam my hand down on top of Edward's, stopping him from raising his pencil and tapping it against the biology textbook he's pretending to read. Honestly, I don't know what's come over him. He used to practically force me at gunpoint (I'm exaggerating) to study hard and make sure that I ace my tests, and while he still claims to have the same philosophy, every time we sit down to study something these days, he gets all antsy.

He slides his hand out from under mine and flips it over to interlock our fingers. I watch him suspiciously for a second, before he gives me an angelic grin and then tugs hard on my arm, causing me to fall down right on top of him.

I push myself up onto my elbows to glare at him. "Schoolwork, remember?"

"Right. Biology. I'm pretty sure I could make a joke that would segue nicely into sexual innuendo, but I can't think of one off the top of my head, so how about we just skip to the good part?" He winks.

I don't want to laugh, but it's so difficult to keep a straight face when he gets all playful like this. "Edward, damn it, I'm never gonna graduate if you keep distractin' me at every opportunity."

"Can't help it," he whispers. "I had to spend the whole of your football practice watching you get all sweaty, and then in the diner I had to keep my hands to myself, so right now my brain is suffering from severe oxygen deprivation. Lack of blood supply, and all that. I can't possibly study until I've sorted that out."

I grin, partly at the idea of Edward sitting on the bleachers and trying to disguise a raging hard on from watching me play, and partly because he's started nuzzling into my jaw with his nose, and it tickles.

"Ugh, fine." I toss the textbook sandwiched between us further away on his comforter, and he pulls away from my neck to give me a triumphant smile.

In a movement so fast that I'm not sure how it happened, Edward flips us over so that it's my back pressing into the mattress. He sits up, balancing on my hips, and starts rocking back and forth with slow, torturous movements. I groan, hardening quickly at the feel of his erection rubbing against my groin.

"Edward…"

"Do you have any idea," he half-growls, "how fucking hot you look when you're playing football?"

_Holy shit. _He leans down and starts to unbutton my shirt, dropping scorching kisses onto my skin with each button he pops. Once he's done, he peels it away from my chest. I gasp as he runs his tongue from the waistband of my jeans right up to my collarbone, so damn slowly that I'm squirming underneath him as I reach out to try and seek faster friction from his hips.

"Uh uh." His teeth graze my pulse, and his hands clamp down on my wrists, bringing them up over my head. "No touching. If I have to endure the torture of watching you out on that field, getting all sweaty and dirty and aggressive… and I don't get to touch, then neither do you."

I groan impatiently and buck my hips up, which causes Edward to chuckle breathily against my neck. "Ooh, Jasper's getting angry…"

"I bet I'm stronger than you, y'know," I threaten, "I could break outta this."

"Try it," he challenges, rolling his hips against me again. "Try and get free."

I jerk my wrists on the pillow, but they don't budge an inch. Edward pulls back to grin down at me. "See, I told you… oh!"

In the same movement, I buck my hips up into him and tug sharply on my wrists. They slide out from under his grip and immediately I reach round to grab his ass to keep him in place. I pull myself upright, fingers digging into his jean-clad flesh. He's chewing on his tongue ring, eyes dark and glittering as he watches me.

"Told ya I'm stronger," I murmur, when our lips are a centimeter apart.

"You didn't play fair," he pouts, but he's trying not to smile. "You fought dirty."

Instead of answering, I crush my mouth to his. He responds with a feral sort of intensity, pushing me back down onto the bed and fisting one hand in my hair. I grip the back of his shirt with both hands as I savagely attack his mouth, tongue plunging in possessively. It's hot and sweaty, filled with lust and a raw need so acute that I…

"Homework, huh?"

Edward rips himself away from me so fast that he actually rolls right off the bed and lands with a thump. I scoot backwards up the duvet until I'm sitting up, leaning against the headboard, and only then do I allow myself to glance in the direction of the doorway.

My face burns with embarrassment.

Esme's standing there.

She's got one hand on the door handle, the other on her hip, and looks like she's working real hard to stop herself from bursting out laughing. I want to bury my face in my hands so that I don't have to look at her bright, amused gaze, but I man up and meet her eyes.

"I thought I locked that," Edward mutters, pulling himself up from down by the side of the bed. He sits on the edge of the mattress, and I study him for a second. He's flushed and swollen-lipped, and the skin around his mouth is kinda red from where my stubble scraped it when we were kissing.

He looks fuckhot, and guilty as all hell.

"Obviously not," I say, out the corner of my mouth.

Esme's just watching us both, still working to keep her face solemn. "Kitchen, boys. Right now. I think we might need to have a chat." I stand up, face crimson, and she raises her eyebrows. "You probably will want to button up your shirt, there, Jasper."

I just about expire with mortification as I hastily do up my buttons, not even caring if they're going in the right holes. Edward's watching me, rubbing one hand across his chin and looking like he desperately wants to crack up laughing.

"Edward Anthony," Esme says, mock-sternly. "Downstairs." She points imperiously to the staircase, and, grinning, Edward saunters past her. She shakes her head at him and follows, calling a quick "Come on, Jasper," over her shoulder.

When we reach the kitchen, she pulls out a breakfast stool for each of us and pats them. We obediently sit, and I'm making a conscious effort not to brush my leg against Edward's as I settle myself in the chair. She rounds the kitchen island and braces her palms on the counter, surveying each of us in turn. I'm still tomato-red. Edward's still grinning like the cat that got the canary.

"Now then," Esme says. "Is there anything that the two of you would like to tell me?"

"Um…" I glance at Edward. He's watching me with a mixture of amusement and contrition. He doesn't like it when I'm forced into confessing our relationship – he'd much rather I divulge the information voluntarily. I steel myself, suck in a deep breath, and very obviously reach over to link my hand with his on the countertop, in plain view of Esme.

Edward squeezes my hand, and starts speaking. "Mom… it's not exactly the way I envisioned this going down, but… I guess I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend. Officially."

Esme's green-eyed gaze flits between Edward and I so fast that I get dizzy. Then, she actually lets out a squeal of delight and claps her hands to her mouth.

"Oh, really? That's _wonderful_!"

I can't help but smile at her enthusiasm. "Yeah, it kinda is."

"How long have you two…? Well, I mean, when I spoke to you about all this, Edward, you told me that Jasper wasn't…"

"Yeah, well," he shrugs. "I didn't think he was. At the time. Seth'll be really disappointed in me, because it turns out that my gaydar _sucks_."

Esme and I both chuckle at that. I flash him a grin. "Yeah, well, in all fairness to you, I didn't know I was gay, either."

"Total closet case," Edward teases. "Jasper was so far in there, he was having adventures in Narnia."

I release his hand and thump him on the shoulder, which makes him snicker. "Jerk."

"Queer," he returns.

Esme laughs, beaming absurdly at our banter. "Oh, you two are just adorable."

Edward groans, inclining his eyes skywards. "Mom!"

"What? I'm just telling the truth. I'm so happy for the both of you." She looks it, too. "So… when did you actually start dating?"

"Well… you remember that day when Jasper came here in the rain after we'd been fighting?" Edward says. She nods. "He came up to my room and I tried to kick him out, and then he started yelling at me, and then he said – actually, he shouted – that he wasn't going to apologize for fighting with me, and that he was in love with me. And, well, that was that."

"Yeah, but I only figured that out after you kissed me at New Years."

"_You_ kissed _me_!" Edward protests.

"You kissed me _first_!"

"Yeah, for like a couple of seconds, and then you were the one who…"

Esme clears her throat, and we both jump. We'd completely forgotten that she was even in the room with us as we got caught up in our argument. She's still wearing that delighted grin as she watches us both.

"I'm sure we don't want to divulge too many details here, boys."

We both drop our gazes awkwardly, and I'm fighting a blush again. "Sorry. Uh… well, yeah, so that's it, in a nutshell. We've been officially together for, like, nearly three weeks?"

I glance at Edward for confirmation. He nods. "Yep. And, well, Rosalie, Kate and Emmett know, but nobody else does so far. Except you, now."

Esme beams again. "Well, it all sounds quite romantic, actually. But now that I know…" And now, she fixes us with a sharp look. "You two are, under no circumstances, to lock that bedroom door when you're up there together. We've got rules in this house, Teddy, as you should know."

Edward has the decency to at least attempt to look ashamed of himself, but he doesn't quite manage to pull it off, because he can't get rid of the shit-eating grin on his face. "You got it, Mom." He pauses. "But, well, what do you think? He's cute, huh?"

I blush again, chuckling in embarrassment.

Esme smiles warmly. "Yes, he is. You've got a keeper there, honey."

Edward takes my hand again. "Don't I know it."

* * *

When Edward drops me off at home, I turn to him before I get out of the car. I take a deep breath. "I want you to come inside."

"Okay…" he drags the word out, studying my expression. "Why did you say that in such a weird way?"

I glance out of the window at my weatherboard house, studying the screen door, and the red paint of the wooden one behind it. "I'm done adventurin' in Narnia, Edward."

"What?" He's shocked. I knew he would be. "You want to come out to your whole family? Your mom and Gramma?"

"Yeah," I sigh. "I think I'm ready. But only… only if you come in with me. I don't think I can do it by myself."

"Of course," he says immediately. "But Jazz…" I turn back to look at him, and his gaze is bright and intense. Green fire again. "What brought this on?"

"You told me earlier that I needed to learn how to stand up for myself. I guess part of that is lookin' people in the eye and sayin' 'you know what? This is who I am. This is what I want. Support me or don't.' So, that's what I'm gonna do. I don't wanna waste any more time pretendin' to my mama and Gramma that I'm someone I'm not. I wanna be able to talk to my mama like you talk to yours. I wanna be me in my own home."

Edward just watches me for a long time. Then, unexpectedly, he leans over and plants a soft kiss on my lips. My skin tingles with the aftershock when he pulls away.

"What was that for?" I ask him.

"I love you," he says simply, and those three words melt my heart even more than they did the first time that I ever heard him say them. I smile. He smiles back. "Say goodbye to Aslan, love, cause you're about to leave that closet and never go back in."

I chuckle, and open the passenger side door. Edward gets out the car after me and follows me up to the house, standing close but not actually touching. I'm comforted by his presence, because my heart is beating a tattoo against my ribs as I reach out to open the door.

Mama, Gramma, Rosalie and Emmett are all sitting down in the kitchen when Edward and I walk in. Rose presses her lips together, but doesn't say anything. Emmett grins widely.

"Guys," I say boldly. "I need to talk to you."

"I'm fixin' up a pot roast, Jay, do you boys want some?" Gramma replies.

"No thanks, Gramma, we just ate. Um…" I glance at Edward. He nods slightly.

_I'm scared…_ My eyes say.

_It'll be okay. _His eyes say back. _I've got your back, babe. _

Emboldened by the sincerity and support shining in his eyes, I turn back to my family (and Emmett) and clear my throat. "I really need to talk to you for a minute. Can you, like, sit down or somethin'?"

Mama's blue eyes are wide and confused, but she turns to Gramma and says, "Stop messin' about with the dinner, Ma, and come take a seat while Jay says whatever he needs to say." Gramma complies, and then Mama turns to me. "You okay, baby?"

"Yeah," I murmur, and then suck in a deep breath. "I'm more than okay, actually. I, um, have some big news."

Mama's eyes light up. "Oh, you got accepted to Columbia!"

I shake my head. "No, I dunno 'bout that, yet. This is somethin'… else."

Rosalie and Emmett both seem to have cottoned onto what I'm actually going to talk to them about, because their jaws drop simultaneously. Edward is standing close enough that I can feel his body heat beside me, and it's the only thing that's keeping my legs from trembling.

"Baby, tell us," Mama urges. "What is it?"

I close my eyes, because I can't actually look at her face while I say the words. Then I remember that I need to discover a spine, and I force them open again. When I speak, the words come out clear and strong. "I'm gay, Mama."

Sensing my need without me actually having to voice it, Edward reaches over and takes my hand. I cling to him like a life-raft as utter silence descends on the room for a few minutes.

Then, it's Gramma who breaks it.

"Well, it's 'bout damn time you 'fessed up, Jasper Hale. What in the world took ya so dang long? I've been gettin' bored a waitin'."

Everyone in the room looks at Gramma like she's just sprouted another head. She shrugs under the weight of all the incredulous stares. "What y'all lookin' at me for? Jasper's the one who just came outta the dang closet."

"Did everyone know I was gay 'fore I did?" I demand. Emmett bursts out laughing.

"Well, I don't think nobody had a damn clue 'til Eddie over there showed up on the scene, if it helps." He nods over at Edward, who's standing with his closed fist pressed against his mouth to smother his laughter.

"I sure didn't know," Mama says quietly, and my eyes snap to her. "But I kinda feel like I shoulda."

"Mama, please be okay with this," I whisper.

Her eyes are impossibly soft as she stands up and crosses the room in two strides. "Oh, baby boy, course I'm okay with it. Whatever makes you happy, darlin', makes me happy, too." She fixes Edward with a stern look over her shoulder. "You makin' him happy, Edward?"

Emmett snickers. I shoot him a glare.

"I'm trying my best, ma'am," Edward says sincerely. I twist in Mama's embrace to smile winningly at him.

"He's doin' a pretty good job so far," I tell her.

And then, suddenly, my mama is hugging Edward instead of me, sobbing like a damn baby. He seems as bewildered by this abrupt and intense reaction as I am, but he pats her on the back a few times before she releases her stranglehold on his neck.

"Sit yer bony ass down, Lillian Whitlock Hale, a 'fore you end up embarrassin' the hell outta that poor boy," Gramma grunts. She then smiles wryly at Edward. "Hella pleased he brought you home rather than one a them dumbass jock kids he goes ta school with. No offence, Emmett."

"I wasn't gonna take any offence until just now, Gramma," Emmett replies. "Now, I gotta say, I'm kinda offended."

She just swats at the back of his head.

Grinning, and freely holding Edward's hand now, I relay – with the help of Emmett and Edward – the PG rated version of how our relationship came to be while the others eat dinner. Mama and Gramma make a good audience; they sigh dreamily and gasp in all the right places. Rosalie listens impassively, and I can't tell what she's thinking, but at least she doesn't offer any waspish comments.

It's only once dinner is finished – Edward gallantly offered to help Gramma and Mama clear up, and Emmett was kinda brow-beaten into pitching in as well, that Rosie eventually speaks. She comes through to the living room while I'm watching TV, and just stands at the end of the sofa, playing with the hem of her cheerleading skirt.

"Jay?"

I glance up. "Yeah?"

"I…" She runs a hand through her perfectly coiffed blonde locks in a gesture reminiscent of my own nervous habit. "I just wanted to say that… I'm real sorry for bein' a bitch to you before."

Her violet eyes shine with sincerity as I meet her gaze. "It's okay, Rosie."

"No, Jasper, it ain't okay. Edward was right. You were strugglin' through so much shit, and I shoulda been there for you and helpin' you, and I let you down. I've been a crappy sister, and I'm just real sorry about it. I hope you'll forgive me."

I push myself up off the couch and gather her up in my arms. She presses her forehead into the crook of my neck, like she always used to when we were little. "Course I forgive you," I whisper. "Love you, Rosie-Posie. To the moon and back."

"Love you, Jay-Jay. To the moon and back and back again." She completes the old saying from our childhood and squeezes me tightly. I rock her back and forth for a minute, a feeling of pure joy and relief swelling in my chest. This, right now, is what it feels like to be genuinely, unequivocally happy.

"Have you told Tanya and Katie yet?" Rosalie mumbles against my neck.

"I told Katie. Tan doesn't know nothin'."

"She's gonna be real pissed at you when she finds out that everyone else knew 'fore she did."

"She'll get over it," I say, with absolute confidence.

"Yeah, she will." Rose pauses. "And, hey, Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"I dunno if I said it before, but… nice work with snatchin' up one of the hottest guys this side of Texas. You got game."

I laugh.

* * *

**Big love and warm and fuzzies to you all, **

**PJ**

**x**


	12. Eleven: April (Part One)

**A/N – Hey guys! **

**So I'm back, after a few days of being AWOL. Apologies! I know I usually update much more regularly than this, but RL has been totally cray-cray lately. (Anyone who has ever had to move house will totally understand… btw, removal companies? What a joke!) However, I'm planning two updates this evening to make up for it, so hopefully I'm forgiven :-) **

**Major thanks to my reviewers, of both this and DITHOT, because you guys seriously bring a massive smile to my face. (So much so that I was reading my emails on my phone and my boyfriend asked me if I was texting some other guy – lol). **

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

_**Eleven**_

_**April (Part One)**_

* * *

"Jay!"

I'm woken up by something heavy knocking the air straight outta my lungs. Coughing, I sit up, or, at least, I attempt to, because whatever just winded me is still on top of me. My eyes open, and I recognize the blonde curls tinted slightly red instantly.

"Tanya? What the hell are you doin' home?"

"Spring break started early." She slides off me so that I can sit up properly on the couch. I didn't even realize that I'd fallen asleep downstairs. I push myself into a sitting position groggily, rubbing one hand over my eyes to clear them of their sleepy haze.

"Didya have to try and break my ribs like that?" I ask my eldest sister reproachfully, as she sits back on her heels and beams at me.

"I told her not to jump on you, Jazz." I whip around to see Edward reclined across the opposite couch, a bowl of popcorn wedged under one arm and his sock-clad feet dangling off the end.

"How come you let me sleep?" I grumble at him.

"You were tired after football," he says with a shrug. "What else was I meant to do? Plus, you look so cute when you're sleeping."

I grin, blushing slightly. Comments like that always get to me. "Yeah, but, I mean, you've just been sittin' here by yourself while I snored."

"Not entirely by myself," he qualifies, running one hand through his messy bronze hair. "Gramma was keeping me company while her 'stories' were on. Oh, and then Tan arrived, but she only let you sleep for about a minute before she jumped on you."

"But still… you musta been real bored."

"Nah. You don't have to be conscious for me to enjoy your company, babe."

I blush scarlet this time. Tanya looks between the two of us for a second, and then thumps me real hard on the arm. I wince. She might look like Malibu Barbie, but she's a helluva lot stronger than you'd think.

"Ow!" I hiss. "What the hell?"

"That's for makin' me find out from Mama that you're gay, jackass."

"I'm surprised you didn't already know," I mutter. "Every fucker else seemed to."

Edward laughs quietly from his chair.

"No, Kate knew, cuz she's a nosy little bitch who can't stay outta everyone else's business, and Gramma knew cuz we all know that that crazy old witch knows every fuckin' thing that goes on in this damn town, but the rest of us were clueless." Tanya pouts. "And I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"You weren't here for the big reveal," I sigh. "The fuck else was I meanta do? Keep denyin' everythin' 'til you went on vacation from school?"

She gives me a long-suffering look. "Hell, Jay, you sure know how to shut a girl down, don'tcha?" She then swivels to look at Edward. "How the hell do you put up with him?"

Edward grins. "He ain't so difficult to put up with, darlin'."

I can't help but laugh at him breaking out his southern accent. He really is way too good at that impression – it's taken me a while to figure out that he's actually doing an imitation of me, but I've finally clicked.

Tanya looks amused. Not difficult to believe – Edward is a pretty amusing guy, when he wants to be. "Okay, fine, maybe not for you. But that's probably only cuz he's suckin' your cock."

"Excuse me?" I splutter, my eyebrows shooting upwards into my hairline. "Tan!"

"What?" she shrugs. "Don't think I dunno what y'all get up to behind closed doors."

I glance over at Edward to see him with one fist pressed against his mouth, his whole body shaking with silent laughter. I shoot a glare at the back of his bronze hair, before I realize that he can't actually see my ire.

Grumbling obscenities about my sister under my breath, I shift off the couch and make a show of stretching, arms over my head. Edward's eyes snap over to me, and a wicked smirk pulls up the corner of his mouth. I grin inwardly, because I know that he's checking me out.

"So, I hear y'all are goin' to New York next week," Tanya says, apparently oblivious to the way Edward is currently eye-fucking me. I drop my arms from over my head, folding them as I turn to my sister.

"Yeah, we are. I'm excited."

Tanya leans across the arm of the couch to address Edward. "He's been fixin' to go to New York since he was about this high." She holds out one hand level with the arm of the couch to demonstrate. "Used to see it on the TV and be all like 'mama, I'm gonna live there when I grow up.' And now he's applied to Columbia. That's our Jay, determined little fucker."

Edward throws his head back and laughs at that. I pivot slightly in my position to glare at him. "Hey."

"What? It's cute."

"You're a dickhead."

Edward springs from his couch in one lithe, quick movement, crossing the room to join me. "Maybe," he allows, dropping his voice so that Tanya can't hear. "But I'm your dickhead."

He brushes his index finger along the underside of my jaw, and I smile, all teasing forgiven. "Damn straight."

Moving past me to the doorway, he pauses, hands braced on the frame. "I'm gonna go and get a drink," he says. "You guys want anything?"

"I'll take a root beer, if we've got any," Tanya answers immediately.

"I'm good, babe," I say, then immediately cringe as Tanya's head whips around, her eyebrows shooting up into her hairline. She beams at me, which causes me to roll my eyes. The sound of Edward's laughter floats back to me as he saunters out of the room.

I only have to wait for about three seconds before Tanya pounces. "Y'all are fuckin' adorable, Jay-Jay."

Rolling my eyes again, I sit back down on the couch Edward has just vacated, facing her. "If I hear one more person say that, I think I'm gonna scream."

"But it's true," she protests. "And I'm happy for ya. Plus, Edward?" she jerks her thumb in the direction he's just headed off in. "Is seriously hot. You got game, baby brother."

"Rosalie said the exact same thing," I laugh. For all my sisters fight with each other, they really are very similar creatures. Well, Tanya and Rosie are. I don't think there's a single human being on the planet that is quite like Katie.

Tanya tilts her head to one side. "So she's done bein' a moody little bitch about the whole thing?"

"Yes," I said emphatically, scowling slightly. I definitely don't want Tanya starting any shit with Rosalie.

Tanya holds her hands up in a placating gesture. "Calm down, Jay, I'm not gonna start anythin'. I'm just askin'."

"It was rough for her," I defend. "She felt like I'd been lyin' to her this entire time."

"She's young," Tanya says, sounding, for once, like a worldly, wise big sister. "So she sees things different, is all. She don't exactly get that it's more about you bein' afraid to come out – and no wonder, considerin' where we live – than it is about her."

"She gets it now," I point out.

"Yeah, but she didn't at first, and I'm bettin' that ain't easy for you. I can't imagine what you musta felt like, knowin' that your own sister wasn't bein' acceptin' and shit."

I smile. "It's fine, Tan. Everythin' is fine now."

"Yeah…" she trails off. "So, are you gonna tell everyone at school about it, or what?"

I can't help the instant panic that sets in. My eyes widen, my heart starts to drum incessantly against my chest. Tell everyone? I mean, my family is one thing. They're my family. They're supposed to accept and love me no matter what. But the people in our town? Edward was right when he said a while back that they're mostly bigoted asses. It's what they know. And he's from New York, so he's always had that 'strange outsider' thing. He gets a couple of sneers here and there, and there'd be an outbreak of concerned muttering if he ever tried to come to church with the rest of us, but other than that, he's mostly left alone.

But me?

I'm one of _them_, or, at least, so they think. If I come out to everyone, I'll be labeled. Shunned, maybe. They won't be able to blame it on the New York air. I'll be defective in their eyes, broken. And worse… what if they blame Edward for it? What if I come out, and it brings a shitstorm down on, not just me, but both of us?

"I'm guessin' that's a no?" Tanya asks, snapping me out of my reverie. I jump guiltily.

"Not now," I whisper, and my voice sounds cracked and strained. "I'm not ready for that just yet."

Tanya looks like she's going to offer me some more of her sage advice, but Edward's reappearance causes her to keep her mouth shut. She just offers me a small, sad smile instead.

Her smile says; _I'm here for you, no matter what happens. _

I couldn't be more fuckin' grateful.

* * *

"Jasper!" Maggie squeals, running full-pelt at me until my arms close around her waist and I lift her high up into the air, spinning her around. She giggles like a maniac, and the deep laughter coming from my left tells me that she isn't the only Cullen amused my greeting.

Edward volunteered to pick Maggie up from school today, and since I'm expected for dinner, I decided to come with him. I hadn't been anticipating such a warm reception, but – like every fucker else with the last name 'Cullen' – Maggie melts my heart into a massive puddle of goo on sight.

"Hey, princess," I say, setting her back on her feet. She grins up at me, little white teeth sparkling in the sunlight, and offers me a piece of paper that she has clutched in one of her hands, while Edward divests her of her schoolbag. "What's this?"

"I drawed it for you," she says, seriously. "Well, I drawed it for Edward, but you can have it, because I like you better."

"Gee, thanks, Mags," Edward huffs, pretending to be offended, though I can tell that he's secretly thrilled that his little sister is so enamored by me. Apparently, the Hale charm is good for any of the Cullen clan.

I laugh, ruffling Maggie's hair and accepting the paper she offers me as we tow her over to Edward's car. After Edward buckles her into the back seat, I slide into the passenger side and flip open the drawing.

It's a drawing of five stick figures – Carlisle, Esme, Edward – she's made his hair extra-crazy with a bright red crayon – Maggie, and… me. I can tell it's me because I'm wearing my letterman jacket and she's colored the top of my head in bright yellow. I'm standing beside stick-figure-Edward, and it looks like we're holding hands.

"What's with the picture, Mags?" Edward asks, buckling himself into the driver's seat.

"It's a picture of everyone I love here," she says simply, and I can't help it – I choke up. I swallow thickly, and Edward cranes his neck to see what has gotten me so emotional. His whole face softens when he looks at the drawing.

"That's really sweet," he whispers, and I nod wordlessly.

"And look, see? There's Mommy and Daddy, and then there's you and Jasper." She pauses. "And me," she adds, almost like an afterthought.

"I see that," Edward says, because I still can't talk.

"And Daddy is giving Mommy a hug, and you're holding Jasper's hand, because that's what you do when you're in love," she continues happily.

My head jerks up at that, and I glance at Edward. His green eyes stare back at me, just as questioningly.

"What makes you think that me and Jasper are in love, Mags?"

"Because," she replies, rolling her eyes. "You give each other special smiles when nobody is looking, silly."

I find my voice. "Special smiles?"

"Yeah, like when Mommy gives Daddy a special smile when he gives her pretty flowers. Or when Eleazar asked Carmen to be together forever and ever, and she gave him a big special smile in the restaurant and then she _kissed_ him!"

"Who are Carmen and Eleazar?" I ask.

"My Dad's best friend and his fiancée," Edward says. He pauses, sucking in a deep breath. "We're… uh… we're actually going to their wedding when we go to New York. It's kind of why we're going back over break. I know I should probably have told you…"

I can't help but smile, because he looks so embarrassed. "Are you sayin' that you invited me as your plus one to a wedding?"

Edward chews on his tongue ring. "Um… kind of?"

"Before you even knew…" I trail off. "Wow, Edward, what if we'd never…?"

"Well," he says quickly, "I never expected anything. I just thought, you know, we could go as friends, when I asked you, and I just wanted you there. And, well… I really didn't want to be away from you for ten days. And I knew you'd always wanted to go to New York, and I thought we could check out Columbia while we were there, and we could go and do some of the things you've always wanted to do and see…" He sucks in a deep breath. "If you don't want to come now, then I'll understand."

"So…" I frown, trying to process through that splurge of information he's just blurted. "You invited me to a wedding, thinkin' I didn't like you like that, when you could've brought a date, and all cuz you wanted me to see New York and you'd miss me too much when you were gone?"

Edward nods meekly. "Um… yeah?"

I beam at him, and his tense posture immediately relaxes. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

Slowly, shyly, Edward returns my smile, and my heart feels as though it's about to burst through my chest. I get totally lost in his eyes for a moment – cheesy as it sounds – and it's only Maggie's high little voice that snaps me back to reality.

"See?" she says smugly, pointing between my face and Edward's. "Special smiles."

* * *

By the time we get back to Edward's house, Esme is busy preparing dinner. She glances up when we enter the kitchen, and Maggie – little whirlwind that she is – bounces on through and clambers up onto a kitchen stool to chatter incessantly at her mother about what she got up to at school. Esme grins at Edward and I in a martyred sort of way, and turns her attention to her daughter, oohing and ahhing at her story.

Edward and I capitalize on this distraction by heading off to his room. When we get there, Edward collapses onto his bed on his back, pulling me down with him. I prop myself up on my elbows while he plays with the collar of my varsity jacket, apparently lost in thought.

"You okay?" I ask him, when he doesn't speak for a full five minutes. His eyes meet mine, and they're wide and glittering and greener than anything else in the world.

"I'm better than okay, Jazz," he whispers. "I'm really, really fucking happy."

He tugs on my collar, and I lean down to kiss him, taking my time. We stay like that for a few minutes, exchanging languid, lazy kisses, and I just revel in the taste and the feel and the smell of him. When I eventually pull back, I'm completely blissed out.

"I never knew it could be like this, y'know?" I say, running one hand down his ribs until it settles at his waist.

"Like what?"

"Like…" I pause for a moment, trying to find the best way to put what I'm feeling into words. "I dunno, just… _right_, I guess. I mean, I've been with girls…" he stiffens slightly beneath me, and not in the good way. "Let me finish," I say, prodding him in the ribcage. "I've been with girls, and it was always… okay. Enjoyable, even. But this… you and me, this is somethin' else altogether. It's kind of like I've just emerged from bein' trapped underwater, and I can breathe, finally. I guess it's just nice to finally see what all the fuss is about. I never understood the other guys, and their fascination with sex and shit."

"Forgive me for pointing this out," Edward says slowly, "But the first day I met you, weren't you getting head from Lauren Mallory in her bedroom?"

This time, it's my turn to tense up. I eye him warily. "How do you know about that?"

He smirks. "I didn't know for sure until just now."

Oh. Damn my stupidly perceptive boyfriend. "Um… well, yeah, I was."

"So, you must've at least liked her."

"Well, that's the thing. Lauren kinda… pounced on me. And I sorta went with it, because I knew no eighteen-year-old guy in his right mind would turn down a blowjob from a pretty girl. I got off, I guess, but it was more cuz I was focusin' on the action itself, rather than Lauren. Same when I dated Jess. Does that make sense?"

Edward considers, and then nods slightly. "I suppose. But then, what about with me?"

"When you kissed me at New Years…" I gulp slightly, feeling myself hardening at the memory. Pressed up against Edward as I am, he feels it too, and grins. "It was sorta like a light bulb flicked on in my brain, and I just knew that I had to kiss you back. I've never felt that before. It wasn't cuz I felt like I was s'posed to. It's cuz I kinda felt like I'd never forgive myself if I didn't."

His green eyes stretch wide, and a mischievous grin quirks the corners of his lips upwards. "Sounds like you kinda like me, huh?"

I laugh. "I fuckin' adore you, and you know it."

He grips my chin and pulls me back to him for another kiss. This one lasts much longer than the one before it, and when he pulls away, I'm panting and horny as all hell.

"I love you, Jasper," Edward murmurs, pushing back one of my more stubborn curls with his long, pale fingers. He gives me a goofy smile. "Man, I don't think I'm ever gonna get tired of saying that."

"That's good," I mumble, pressing my lips to the hollow of his throat. "Cuz I don't think I'm ever gonna get tired of hearin' it."

And, with that last sentence, Edward tugs my face back up to his, and we lose ourselves in not talking for a while.

* * *

Dinner with the Cullens is great, as always, and when Edward drops me home, I'm giddy at the fact that he can kiss me soundly in the car as a goodbye, despite the fact that Rosalie is chilling on the porch, in plain sight. She shakes her head indulgently at me as I get out of the car, grinning from ear to ear.

As Edward pulls away, and I get nearer to the house, though, I can see that Rose looks weirdly tense. Her face is a little paler than usual, and she's chewing on her nails – something she would never normally do. I stop at her side, peering down into her wide eyes. They look pretty troubled.

"Rosie?" I murmur. "Is everythin' okay?"

In answer, she shakes her head.

"What's wrong?"

"Mama and Gramma are out," she says, real quiet. "But Tan and Katie are upstairs. I was waitin' for you, so that we could all talk 'bout it together."

"Talk about what?" I demand. "Rosie, you're scarin' me."

"I'm scared, too," she admits. "And I dunno what it's about. Katie came home this evenin' when Gramma and Mama left for their town meetin', and… she's been cryin', Jay. She's meant to be at school for another four days, but she's home early, and she's all upset. She won't fuckin' stop cryin', and she said she wasn't gonna tell us what was wrong 'til you came home."

I run one hand through my hair, sucking in a deep breath. "Why the fuck didn't you call me?"

Rose looks down. "I… uh… I didn't wanna spoil your evenin'. You're just so happy when you're with Edward, and I figured after everythin' I put you through…"

"Rosie," I sigh, holding out a hand for her so that she'll get up out of her chair. She uses my hand to propel herself to her feet, and then throws her arms around my neck, burying her face into my chest. I stroke back her hair distractedly. "You don't owe me nothin'. You shoulda just called me. I don't want Katie to be all upset when she don't have to be."

"I ain't never seen Katie cry before," Rosalie mumbles into my neck. "Jay, she looks terrible. She's… I dunno how to say it. What if she's in trouble with the cops or somethin'?"

"It won't be anythin' like that," I assure her. "Maybe she got kicked outta school or somethin'?"

"We should go find out," Rose whispers, squeezing me tightly before letting go of my neck in favor of my hand. It's been so long since Rosalie held my hand that I'm instantly transported back to the days when she was a tiny little thing.

There was one time when Rosie was about five, that Mama came into the living room to find every toy my sister owned scattered all over the floor. Mama told her, on no uncertain terms, to tidy them all up. She'd said 'I've just spent all weekend cleanin' this place, Rosalie Hale,' and Rose had replied, 'Really Mama? Seems like you're real good at it then, so how 'bout you do what you gotta do, and I'll do what I gotta do.' And then she went right back to playing. She's never quite lost the bitchy attitude, even eleven and a half years later. But there were times when we were growing up that she'd drop her mouthy façade and let me in.

Those were the times she'd let me hold her hand, and they were my favorite days of all.

Right now, though, with her clinging to my fingers and muttering about Katie, it doesn't seem as though this is going to make my favorite me and Rosie moments.

I keep a firm grip on her hand as she tows me up the stairs, and when we reach the landing, I can hear muted voices coming from – surprisingly – my bedroom. I shoot her a questioning glance, which she shrugs off, and let her pull me into my room.

The first thing I see is the back of Tanya's strawberry blonde curls as she kneels in front of my bed, stroking Kate's knees and muttering soothingly under her breath. I can't make out what she's saying, but when she hears Rosie and I at the door, she turns around, and I see that her eyes are glassy with tears that she's trying desperately to hold back.

"Katie, Jasper's here now," she whispers, and Kate's head snaps up.

I stifle a gasp. Kate looks _awful_. Her long golden blonde hair is lank and unkempt, and her complexion is almost gray. Her eyes are like slits, red-rimmed from crying.

But none of this is what draws my attention.

No. What draws my attention is the livid, purple bruise across her cheekbone.

"Katie!" I gasp, dropping to my knees beside her. "What the fuck happened? Who did that to you?"

She ducks away from the hand I reach out to her in favor of burying her head in my shoulder. Her fingers grip at my neck, and she just breaks down. I've never seen Katie sob like this. She's always been the tough one. Even at Daddy's funeral, she didn't cry in front of people. She waited until everyone had gone to bed, holding it all in, but I heard her sniffling through the wall we shared. I'd gone in to comfort her, and I'd ended up holding her to me while she hiccoughed into my chest, before she made me swear that I wouldn't tell anyone.

But that crying had nothing on the way she was breaking her heart right now.

"Ssh, Katie, ssh." I soothe her, stroking one hand along her spine. "It's okay, you're okay. Tell me what happened."

"J-Jasper," she sobs. "I-I-I dunno what t-to d-do."

It's killing me, seeing her so distressed like this. I hug her to me tighter, until I feel her wince and pull back, clutching at her ribs. Without waiting for her permission, I tug her shirt up, and swallow a cry when I see the darkening bruise spreading across her ribcage, about the size of a man's fist.

"Katie, who the fuck did this?" I demand, placing my palms on her shoulders and forcing her to look into my eyes. I can't bear to see my sister, the girl who has always been my rock, looking this way. "You have to tell me!"

"M-my boyfriend," she chokes. My fingers bite into her shoulders without meaning to, but I loosen my grip when I hear her whimper.

Stroking her hair back from her face, I say, "Why? What happened?"

"I-I t-t-told him… he s-said… and then…"

"Katie, breathe," I command. "Take a deep breath, come on…"

Obediently, she sucks in a breath. Then another. Tanya and Rosalie are both watching me, wide-eyed. Rose looks terrified. Tanya looks sickened.

I want to find the bastard who ever thought he could lay a hand on my sister and rip him limb from limb. Fuck the repercussions.

"He said he didn't want it… and, and then I said that I… I don't c-care… I'd do it w-without him… and then he… he… said he'd… he said… he'd b-beat it outta me…"

"Beat what outta you, Katie-Kat?" Tanya says softly. She still has that nauseated look on her face, but there's a flash of anger in her eyes growing stronger by the second. It's almost acute enough to rival my own by the time Kate answers.

Katie brings her trembling hands down towards her stomach, and rests them both gently on the mottled skin just above the waistband of her jeans.

"M-my baby…" she whispers.

* * *

**Major drama *salutes in a HIMYM style* right? The shit is going to really hit the fan in the next couple of chapters, but never fear, because there'll still be some fluff coming your way when we jet off to NY in April part four! **

**Oh, and, if you're interested, Rosie's snarky answer to her mama when she asked her to tidy up aged five is EXACTLY the response I got from my four-year-old goddaughter on Thursday when I asked her to tidy up her toys, because I was cleaning. I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard. **

**Much love,**

**PJ**

**x**


	13. Twelve: April (Part Two)

**A/N – Second update done! Hope you enjoy :-)**

* * *

_**Twelve**_

_**April (Part Two)**_

* * *

"You're pregnant?"

It's Rosalie who breaks the silence, as usual. We've all been frozen for the past five minutes, just staring at Kate in various states of incredulity. I don't think any of us were expecting that.

Kate nods, one fast jerk of her head. "Two months gone. I… I only found out a couple days ago, and then yesterday, I told Riley, and…"

"He fuckin' hit you." I pinch the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger in an effort to remain calm and not start smashing shit up. Anyone who hurts me and mine… well, I'm an easy-going guy, but I don't take shit like that. I may not be good with arguments and fancy words like Edward is, and I shut down when the people I care about yell at me, but mindless violence begets more violence, and I'm just itching to show that fuckin' bastard what true pain feels like.

But I figure that Katie doesn't really want to see any more violent outbursts from men, right now, so I suck it up and pull in a sharp breath.

"Hit her? Jay, he fuckin' beat her black and blue! I'm gonna kill that motherfuckin' son of a bitch!" Tanya hisses, leaping forward like an angry cat and proceeding to stalk her way back and forth across the room. Rosalie wraps her arms around herself, making her look real small, and makes her way over to the bed beside Kate. She rests her head on our big sister's shoulder, which makes Katie flinch instinctually before she leans into the contact.

Screw beating the shit outta this guy. I'm gonna fuckin' annihilate him.

"Is the baby okay?" Rose whispers. "I mean, did he hurt…"

Kate shakes her head. "No, that's why it took me a day to come home. I had to go to the hospital to get all checked out first…"

"And the doctors said the baby's fine?" Rose frets.

"Healthy as a horse, apparently. By some miracle."

"The Hales are fighters," Tanya murmurs, a small smile gracing her lips.

"In this case, they shouldn't fuckin' have to be!" I snarl. "Nobody shoulda fuckin' laid a fuckin' hand on you! I mean, fuck! Did no one ever teach that cunt not to hit a woman! And a pregnant woman, at that! Fuckin' motherfucker!"

"Jasper…" Rosalie warns quietly. She can see that I'm getting all worked up, and I know that all of my sisters are watching me with wide eyes. "Calm down…"

I'm too fuckin' angry to even pause for breath, though. "No, fuck that, Rosalie! No fucker hits my sister! No one!"

I stand up, aiming a kick at my dresser. It lands, and it bevels the wood.

"Jasper, stop," Tanya instructs, her voice firm. "Do you think Katie needs this right now?"

I force myself to look at my big sister, with her red-rimmed eyes and pleading, frightened expression, and I take a deep breath. "Katie, I'm sorry."

"S'okay," she murmurs. "I know you're just bein' protective."

The sound of the front door opening snaps us all to attention, followed by Mama's voice.

"Where is everyone? Jasper? Rosie? Tanya?"

"Upstairs," Tanya shouts, but then covers her mouth with her hand when Katie widens her eyes in alarm. There's the sound of two sets of footsteps on the stairs, and then Gramma's voice.

"Where the devil are y'all? Havin' a slumber party in Jasper's room?"

Kate cringes back into my pillows as my bedroom door opens, and first Gramma, then Mama, slides into the room.

There's the space of about five seconds where nobody speaks, and Mama and Gramma just survey the scene. Tanya pressed up against my closet, arms folded. Me with my hands white-knuckle gripping the dresser behind me and looking like I'm about to launch myself at something. Rosie holding Kate, who's trying desperately, and unsuccessfully, to shield her bruising from their scrutinizing gazes.

Then all hell breaks loose.

"What the fuck happened to my daughter?" Mama demands. It's a shock, because I don't think I've ever heard Mama drop the f-bomb before. She strides across the room, gently disentangling Rosalie from Kate, and pulls the latter to her chest. Katie buries her head in Mama's shoulder, this time, and I hear her muffled sobs starting up again.

"Katie, baby, don't cry," Mama soothes, looking round at the rest of us with a helpless, stricken expression. "Mama's here, sugar. It's all gonna be okay."

"Mama…" Rose whispers. "Mama, it's real bad."

"Tell me what happened." She glances between each of us. Rosie shakes her head, choking on a fresh bout of her own tears. I'm still too mad to use my voice properly, and lord knows Katie can't get a word out, so the burden falls to Tanya.

She is the oldest, after all.

"Katie's in trouble, Mama. She's… her boyfriend did that to her. The bruises, I mean. It was all cuz she told him that she's… pregnant."

"Pregnant?" Mama breathes. "Katie-Kat, are you pregnant?"

Unable to talk, Kate just nods.

"Oh my sweet, sweet Lord." Mama closes her eyes, buries her nose in Kate's hair, and resumes rocking her back and forth like she's still three years old and she's just had a nightmare.

Well… she's just lived a fuckin' nightmare, so I suppose that counts.

"Her boyfriend did this?" Mama asks Tanya.

"Yeah. He said somethin' about not wantin' the kid, and then said he was gonna get rid of it for her, because she wasn't gonna do it."

"Oh, baby!" Mama cries, hugging Katie to her tighter, as fresh tears spring up in her blue eyes.

"Motherfucker," Gramma growls, and I realize it's the first word she's said. "What kinda piece a fuckin' shit hits a pregnant woman?"

I can't help it, I see red again. Without even realizing I'm doing it, I fling myself across the room and sink one fist into the wall. My hand punches straight through the plasterboard, and pain shoots up my arm as every one of my knuckles splits open.

"Jasper!" Rosalie and Mama both cry.

"Let the boy hit the fuckin' wall if he wants," Gramma says. "Next time, I hope it's that cunt's face."

"Me fuckin' too," I hiss. Wrenching my hand out of the wall, I look down to see the blood swelling across my skin. It's strangely soothing, but I'm still too riled up. "I'm gonna break his fuckin' skull."

"Jasper Hale!" Mama gasps. "You take a walk right this second, ya hear me? I'm not havin' any of that ugly talk around my Katie when she's so upset. We're to be here for her, understand? Not actin' out and punchin' walls. Get outta this house until you can control yourself and be supportive, 'stead of smashin' up the place."

"Probably wise," Tanya mutters. "Here, take my car, if ya want. Go for a drive, clear your head."

She tosses me her keys. My hand fists around the metal, and I can see that my arms are trembling violently. "I don't wanna leave Katie."

"It's okay, Jay," Kate whispers. "Go cool down. I've got the girls. You ain't really up for conversation when you're this mad."

I can't argue with her logic, so I just nod my head and make my way towards the door, dripping blood onto my carpet as I go. I've got one foot on the staircase when Gramma comes out. I've never seen such single-minded ferocity in her blue eyes before.

"You listen ta me, Jasper Michael Hale," Gramma murmurs. "Don't you go gettin' yerself mixed up in any fights tonight. I know I'm yer Gramma, and I'm not s'posed ta say shit like this, but I want you ta keep yerself good and healthy so's you can track that little bastard down and show him what it means ta fuck with one a ours. I'd do it myself, but I'd go armed with a fuckin' shotgun, 'stead a just my fists, so you're probably a safer bet."

I just blink at her stupidly for a minute, before I'm overcome with one thought.

_I would not wanna fuck with my Gramma._

* * *

When I get in the car, the only thing I can think about is how mad I am. Tanya's corvette is way nicer than Bessie, so I don't want to do any permanent damage to the thing by breaking off the steering wheel or anything. I need to get calm so that Mama will let me back in the house to be with Katie.

And, really, there's only one place that I can go.

Five minutes later, I pull up in the Cullens' driveway. I kill the engine and clamber out, taking the front steps two at a time. Tentatively, I knock on the door. I know it's past nine, and Maggie will be in bed, but it's an effort not to pummel the wood in my murderous rage.

A few moments later, the door opens, and I'm met with Esme's smiling face.

"Jasper! We didn't expect…" she trails off with one look at my expression. "Oh, sweetheart, what's the matter?"

I just shake my head, jaw tightly clenched. I can't say it. "Is Edward upstairs?"

"No, darling, he's in the front room with Carlisle. Are you okay?"

I shake my head again. "No, Esme, I'm not okay. I'm not okay at all. Somethin' happened tonight when I got home… I… I can't talk about it. I need to speak to Edward… I know it's real late…"

"Nonsense," she says quietly. "You're always welcome here, Jasper, whatever the time."

"Jazz?" Edward's voice rings out from behind his mother, and a second later, he appears in the doorway. He's wearing his gray sweats and a ratty old t-shirt, and his bronze hair is more rumpled up than ever, but he's the best thing I've ever seen, in this moment.

Edward's muscles are prevalent through his shirt, and he looks strong, and concerned. He could probably put up a fair fight if we were to exchange blows, but… he'd never have to. Because I would never, ever in a million years hurt one hair on his head. I love him too fuckin' much to ever even consider it.

Yet my sister's boyfriend hit her. Katie, who is smart, and sassy, but ultimately nowhere near as physically strong as a guy Edward's size.

And someone took advantage of that fact when he laid into her with his fists.

My poor, defenseless big sister… my poor, defenseless unborn niece or nephew…

"Jazz? My God, what happened?" Edward takes a step closer. He reaches out one hand to place it under my chin, to turn my face up to look at him. There's a sharp intake of breath at whatever he sees in my eyes.

His face swims before me, as the whole tangle of emotions just catches me up.

The next thing I know, I'm gathered up in his arms, while I break my heart against his broad shoulder, my tears soaking into his t-shirt as he holds me tightly against him.

He's whispering something in my ear, but I'm too overcome to even make sense of the words for a few minutes. When I eventually do, I realize that it's a simple litany, over and over again.

"I'm here," he whispers. "I've got you."

Neither of us moves for what feels like hours, until I don't think I physically can cry any more. When I eventually pull back, Edward's shirt is see-through. He brushes my hair away from my face with the hand that isn't still wrapped around my waist, molding his palm to my cheekbone. I lean into the comfort of his touch.

"What's going on, love?" he whispers. "You're scaring me…"

"Kate's pregnant," I murmur, "And… her bastard boyfriend beat the ever livin' daylights out of her tryin' to make sure she never had the baby."

Edward sucks in a breath, green eyes blazing like flames.

"Motherfucker!" That curse comes in a much higher voice than Edward's, and I didn't even see his lips move anyway. Confused, I turn, and that's when I notice that Esme's still standing there, one hand clasped to her chest and a look of total mama-bear rage on her face.

"Teddy, bring Jasper into the living room," Esme instructs, her voice shaking with rage on behalf of my sister. "I'll make us all some cocoa and we can talk about this, okay?"

Edward nods, and Esme reaches up to grip my shoulder supportively before disappearing off into the kitchen. I hear her calling Carlisle through to help her, just as Edward leads me into the front room and sits us both down on the couch, pulling me practically into his lap. I snuggle my head into his chest, not much caring that it might be awkward when his parents come back into the room.

"Jazz," he breathes, combing his fingers through my curls. "What can I do?"

"Just be here," I murmur. "Just hold me, and stay here. I feel calmer when you're here."

I put my hand up to rest on top of the hand he's braced on my shoulder, and it's then that he catches sight of my knuckles.

"Jasper, what the hell did you do?" He grabs my hand, careful not to touch the cut parts, and pulls it up until it's level with his face. His concerned eyes examine the injury thoroughly.

"I punched a wall," I admit, in a small voice. "It's not a big deal."

"It is a big deal to me. I don't like seeing you hurting," he says gently.

"It doesn't hurt," I lie. "I'm fine."

"I'll get my dad to look at it in a few minutes," Edward assures me, stroking one hand down my back soothingly. "Is Katie alright? Is the baby?"

"Yeah," I nod against his collarbone. "The baby's fine, she got checked out today. But Katie… Edward, she's a hot mess. I ain't never seen her like this before…"

He tightens his hold around me. "It's okay, babe. Katie's tough, she's a trooper. Nothing's ever going to knock her down permanently."

"Edward, I wanna kill the bastard," I choke out.

"I know, I know." He strokes one hand through my curls again. "But just think of what might happen if you did that. You could get into a lot of trouble, and I don't want anything bad to happen to you, ever."

"Edward, what if it was Maggie?" I murmur, and he stiffens. "If some punk ass bastard thought he could do that to your baby sister, would you just take that lyin' down?"

"Fuck… don't even think something like that," Edward snarls.

"You see? I gotta do somethin'."

"Maybe," he says slowly. "But not tonight. Not when you're so wound up like this. You need to calm down and get back to your sister. That's what she needs right now. She needs her brother to be there for her."

"You're right."

"I usually am."

I angle my face up towards his, and he leans down to press his lips to mine. My fingers slide into his hair, and I take comfort from the kiss, like Edward is lending me some of his strength and calm. It's funny – I've never thought of Edward as the calm one in our relationship, but maybe I was wrong.

It's funny to have never thought of yourself as hot-headed, and suddenly realize that you are.

"Calm down, babe, and just remember that some prick like that isn't worth getting yourself into trouble over," Edward murmurs against my lips. "You've got Kate to think about, first and foremost. And you're going to be an uncle, you realize that? You can't go getting yourself thrown in jail for assault, Jazz, because what will you say to your niece or nephew?"

Huh. An uncle.

Edward's words really resonate with me, because I've not really stopped to consider it in those terms. Kate is having a baby. My flesh and blood. A whole new little person who'll call me 'Uncle Jay'. I suck in a breath.

"You're right."

"Like I said, I usually am," Edward smiles tentatively. "Plus, I wouldn't want my poor boyfriend getting all beat up and ruining that pretty face of his."

"Are you sayin' you wouldn't have my back in a fight?" I tease. "Ouch."

Edward waggles his fingers at me. "These hands don't do violence, Jazz. I'm a lover, not a fighter." He winks. "As you're well aware."

His light banter works… I laugh. "Love you," I mumble, reaching up to brush another kiss across his lips.

"Love you more," he counters. "And I'll still love you, even if you go all Tony Montana on this guy's ass."

I chuckle again. "Well, that's a relief."

* * *

After some hot cocoa and sympathy from Edward and his awesomely cool parents, I get back into the car and slot my keys into the ignition with a freshly bandaged hand. I'm beyond glad that he was my first point of call this evening. If I'd gone to Emmett's, the pair of us would probably be halfway to Seattle by now, baseball bats stowed in the trunk of his jeep, and murder on the brain.

I see what Mama meant now, when she said that Edward balances me out.

When I park up outside my house, it's to find Gramma waiting for me on the porch, in the same chair Rosie was sitting in earlier when I came home. I get out of the car and go to greet her, and, without a word, she folds me into an embrace.

"Hell, Jay, it's been one a them nights, ain't it?" she grunts, and I nod, my chin scraping the top of her gray bun. "Rosie and your mama just went up ta their beds, Tanya's still spittin' fire at anyone who dares ta look at her for too long, and Katie's up in her room. She finally stopped cryin' about a half hour ago."

"D'you think she's gonna be okay, Gramma?" I ask, because I know Gramma will tell it to me straight. She's kinda like Edward that way.

"She's a tough girl, is our Katie," Gramma assures me. "I mean, she's been knocked somethin' rotten by that son o' a bitch, but she's gonna bounce back stronger'n ever. She got the Whitlock fire, same as all you kids."

I smile, because, even through the gravity of the situation, I can see maternal pride shining in my Gramma's eyes as she reaches up to cup my cheek.

"Jasper, 'bout what I said earlier… I weren't thinkin'. Don't listen to an old, angry witch like me. That bastard ain't worth gettin' yerself in trouble over. I don't want ya ta screw up yer future by landin' yerself in jail or nothin'."

"Edward told me the same thing," I say softly.

"He's a good boy, that one," Gramma declares, puffing out her chest proudly. "You make sure that ya stay golden, so's you deserve him, ya hear me?"

"Yes, ma'am," I reply. Gramma pulls my head down to plant a kiss on my cheek.

"Ya know somethin', Jay? There're times when you're so much like your daddy. He was a good man, loved his girls. And you, a course. You're just the same – all hot-headed and protective when one a your girls is in trouble, but you're just about the most lovin' boy I know."

"Thanks, Gramma," I whisper, touched beyond words by what she's said.

"You're a good man, too, Jasper Michael Hale. And your daddy, God rest his soul, is lookin' down on ya and feelin' damn proud, I just know it."

After giving Gramma another quick hug, I let myself into the house. Tanya gives me a tight smile and a nod as I hand her back her keys, squeezing my wrist for good measure.

I take the stairs at a slow pace, steeling myself for the conversation I'm about to have. When I get to Katie's room, I knock softly on the door.

"Come in," she calls, her voice cracked and hoarse from crying all night.

I push open the door, and I take a quick glance around the room. Katie hasn't redecorated since she's been at college, and the room still looks exactly the same as it did before we packed her up and drove her out to Seattle. Her senior prom picture is still tacked up over the mirror, and there's still reams and reams of fairy lights providing the illumination, casting the room in a pinkish glow. Kate lies curled up in the fetal position on her bed, an irony that's not lost on me, and her eyes look tired, though not quite as red as before.

"Katie-Kat, you okay?" I whisper, leaning back against the door to shut it.

"Jay?" she checks, poking her head out from under her comforter. "You're back?"

"I'm back, and I'm calm," I say, crossing the room to sit on her mattress beside her. Her slender hand pokes out of the edge of the duvet, and I take it in my own, feeling how small and fragile she is.

I have to swallow down another bitter rush of hatred for the bastard who did this to her.

"Is it okay if I sit here with you?" I murmur, and she shakes her head. Upset, but respecting her wishes, I drop her hand, and I'm about to get up when she throws the covers back.

"Don't sit, Jay-Jay. Can you… will you come lie with me? I need a hug."

My poor, beautiful, broken sister. I can feel each of her bruises, every tentative movement she makes, like a physical blow of my own. Nodding mutely, I twist around until my head hits her pillow. I kick my shoes off, and slide under the covers beside her, pulling her close to my chest. She buries her nose into my shirt, snuffling slightly.

"How you holding up?" I mutter.

"Not great. I'm feelin' kinda like the world is crashin' down around me. I was so happy, y'know, when I found out about the baby. I ran up to Riley's to tell him, and he just… lost it. I ain't never seen him like that before. What hurts the worst ain't even the bruises, Jay. It's the fact that he don't even wanna love our kid. He don't want to be our baby's daddy. He was willin' to hurt somethin' so innocent and defenseless…"

I pull her tighter to me in wordless comfort. "Even if he don't wanna be your baby's daddy, Katie, this kid is gonna have so much love. Me and the girls, Mama and Gramma, and you… you're gonna be an amazin' mom, Katie-Kat. I can feel it. And good fuckin' riddance to the bastard. You're better off without him. Both of you are." I pull back, resting one hand on my sister's still-flat stomach. "And you, kiddo, listen to your Uncle Jay. I ain't ever gonna let anythin' happen to you or your mama again. I promise."

Kate giggles softly, looking at me with an expression of pure sisterly devotion. "I love you, Jay."

"I love you more, Katie." I pull her close again.

"Hey… will you stay here with me? Just for tonight? You can keep away all the bad dreams."

I brush back my sister's hair and plant a kiss on her forehead. "Sure thing, honey. Nothin' bad is gonna get at'cha tonight. Go to sleep, I'll be right here 'til you wake up again. Promise."

And, in that exact position, with Kate's head tucked against my shoulder and her heartbeat thumping steadily against my own, I allow sleep to claim me.

* * *

**Isn't Jasper a good brother? 3 **

**Thanks for reading!**

**PJ**

**x**


	14. Thirteen: April (Part Three)

**A/N – Weeeeeelllll…**

**This chapter is heavy on the drama, light on the fluff, but NEVER FEAR because fluff is just a New York Minute away… haha, see what I did there? **

**But, loyal and fantabulous readers, please fasten your seatbelts for this one :-) And leave me a review, pretty pretty please?**

**Hope you like it!**

* * *

_**Thirteen**_

_** April (Part Three)**_

* * *

Three days pass, and Katie's bruises are slowly starting to fade to a yellowish color. Friday finds her sitting at the breakfast table with Mama and Rosie, chatting baby names. Kinda interested, I shrug on my varsity jacket over my navy tee and take a seat beside Rosalie.

"So, Lissa, for a girl?" Mama checks. "Melissa?"

"Melissa Evelyn Hale," Kate says softly, and Mama smiles.

"You're namin' her after your Gramma?"

"Her middle name, yeah. If it's a girl."

Rosalie beams at our sister, apparently overcome with excitement and warm glowy-ness about the new arrival. I'd never really figured my bitchy little sister as a baby fiend, but turns out, Rosie loves kids. It's just adults she's got an attitude problem with.

"What about if it's a boy, Katie?" she asks, leaning across the table, her eyes lighting up.

"Oh, well, I thought about that," Katie says slowly. "And I thought I'd call him MJ."

"MJ?" I interject.

"Yeah," Katie glances at Mama. "He'd be Michael, after Daddy."

"So, Michael Jr.?" I ask, because Mama's eyes have filled up with tears, and she doesn't look like she's gonna be in possession of the ability to talk for a while.

"No…" Katie looks at me, now, and her eyes are filled with the same absolute, unequivocal love I've been feeling from her for the past few days. "I was thinkin'… Michael Jasper Hale. MJ for short."

"You'd name him after me?" I suddenly feel a little choked up myself. "Why?"

"Because I want my son to be named after the two best men I've ever known," Kate says simply, and I reach one hand out across the table to clasp hers. "And I want him to be able to look to his namesakes as an example of the kinda man he oughtta be. I don't want him to be nothin' like his daddy."

"Wow, Katie, I'm honored," I breathe, and I really fuckin' mean it.

"Believe me, you won't say that after I name you the kid's godfather," she jokes, reaching across the table to give me a lighthearted smack on the arm. I grin at her, entertained.

We continue to razz each other for a while, for once feeling just like a normal family unit instead of the house of insane drama, when the doorbell rings. I know who it is without even checking – Edward's come to pick Rosie and I up for school. He's real early, though – we still have a half hour before we even need to leave.

I practically shoot straight outta my seat in my eagerness to answer the door, which earns me a couple of snickers and catcalls from my sisters, which I pointedly ignore. Instead, I just continue on towards the door, heart pounding in anticipation, even though it's only been about nine hours since I've seen him last.

"Edward," I enthuse, throwing the door wide. He looks good enough to eat today, in his tight black skinny jeans and a jade green t-shirt that really brings out his eyes. He hangs off the other side of the door frame, grinning crookedly at me, and kicks out one Converse-clad foot to toe the door open further.

"Hey, handsome," he says, a wicked sparkle in his eyes. "You ready for school?"

Checking to make sure nobody's lingering in the doorway behind me, I reach out one arm and close my hand around his wrist, yanking him over the threshold. A moment later, his back is pressed against the now-closed door and my nose is skimming across his as I bring my face closer.

"You look good today," I murmur, watching as his forest-green eyes dilate at my proximity.

"New shirt," he replies. "Alice sent it to me."

"Bet it'd look better on my bedroom floor," I tease, and I'm rewarded with a breathy chuckle from him.

"That's such a tired line."

"Yeah, well, they're classics for a reason." I step up real close, so that every inch of my body is pressed against his. With the inch difference in our heights, this now puts me slightly above him, meaning that he's sorta glancing up at me through his lashes.

I fuckin' love that.

Just because I can't actually resist for a second longer, I close the minute distance between us and capture his lips with mine. Being the stellar boyfriend that he is, his response is both instantaneous and encouraging – he slides one hand straight into the curls at the nape of my neck to keep my face in place while his mouth moves teasingly against mine, trading hot, lingering kisses with just a hint of tongue.

I'm hungry for more, so I crush myself against him, sandwiching him between my body and the door, and I deepen the kiss. He tastes like spearmint toothpaste, with just the slightest taste of cigarettes. I don't care about that, though, because the overwhelming effect of having Edward's tongue in my mouth and his body pressed up against mine is worth a little ashy aftertaste, in my opinion.

"Mmm…" he hums, the second my lips part from his. "Good morning to you, too."

"Three days until New York," I whisper excitedly. "Can you believe it?"

"No, actually… it's gonna be so surreal… introducing you to all of my friends…" he reaches over to tuck a stray curl behind my ear as he speaks. "And we won't have to sneak around in New York, either."

"So… what? We'll be holdin' hands in public and shit?"

"Among other things," Edward replies, with another salacious smile. My heartbeat drums faster in answer to that look, part nerves, part excitement.

"Ugh," I groan, leaning my forehead against his. "I wish we could just skip school and go get naked in my room right now."

"Don't say things like that to me," he mumbles. "I might just decide that my car has spontaneously broken down."

I chuckle slightly, though I'm sorely tempted to encourage him to do that anyway. It feels like forever since we've been hot and heavy with each other, even though it's only been less than a week. The drama of Kate's return sort of overshadowed my teenage hormones these past few days.

But now they're back in full force, and I kinda want to rip that nice new shirt right off him here in the hallway, and I really don't care who might walk in.

I'm interrupted in my wanton thoughts by Rosalie and Kate arriving in the hallway. Kate clears her throat loudly and pointedly, and I sigh as I relinquish my grip on Edward, allowing us both to move into a position a little more appropriate for family viewing.

"Jeez, you two, it's eight o'clock in the goddamn mornin'," Katie says, rolling her eyes even through her grin. "Have you got no shame?"

"Yeah," Rosalie interjects with a smirk. "You could always try eatin' a proper breakfast, boys, 'stead of each other's faces."

"You're one to talk," I counter. "The last time you ate a proper breakfast, George W. Bush was still president."

Kate laughs at my comment. Rosalie scowls.

"Hey, Katie, how you feeling?" Edward asks, roping one arm around my shoulders and just leaning there, casual as you like. Apparently he's immune to my family's constant ribbing.

"Like refried shit, still, but better than I felt yesterday," she answers, in her typical Katrina-Hale-likes-to-tell-it-like-it-is way.

"Well, you look great," Edward says, and it's winningly sincere. Kate beams at him. Damn, I wish I could bottle his charm and sell it on the black market – I'd make a fuckin' killing.

"Come on, guys, let's go to school," I say, stooping to give Katie a kiss on the top of her head and ducking into the kitchen to do the same thing for Mama and Gramma. Gramma grumbles and swats me away with a laugh.

* * *

Edward drops Rosalie in the parking lot, and then grabs my arm before I can get out of the car. I arch one eyebrow at him questioningly.

"What're you doin'?"

"Don't get out the car, Jazz. We're not going to school today."

"What? But we can't just skip!" I fret.

"Sure we can," Edward shrugs. "Haven't you ever skipped school before?"

I feel a blush heating up my cheeks, but I don't want to admit that I haven't. Of course, it's impossible to hide my facial expressions from Edward – he's so attuned to me that he gets it instantly.

"Oh my God," he laughs. "You haven't ever skipped school, have you? Wow, Jasper, you're so… vanilla."

"Vanilla?" I raise my eyebrows, offended. "I am not fuckin' vanilla!"

"You are," he disagrees.

"I'm fuckin' gay, Cullen. Surely that's like, the opposite of vanilla?"

"Fine. You're very vanilla for a gay guy. Take a walk on the wild side, Jazz. You need to live a little… stop worrying so much and just let go."

When he says it like that, it actually sounds kind of… enticing. I frown at him. "Why is it that, ever since we started datin', you've gone from bein' the angel on my shoulder to the devil?"

"Well, lust is one of the seven deadly sins," Edward says, grinning widely. "So friendship is all good and sweet, but getting all horny and sweaty… that's dirty."

I shake my head, laughing. "You're so full of shit, you know that?"

"Maybe," Edward allows. "But I don't care what you say, we're skipping. Come on, you've spent the last week getting all bogged down in everyone else's problems. No disrespect to your sister and her situation, Jazz, but you deserve to have a little mindless fun."

I'm still frowning at him, so he pulls out the puppy-dog face. He knows damn well that I don't hold up under that kind of emotional torture.

"Please?" he wheedles. "Please? Please? Pretty please? If you really love me…"

"Don't even go there," I huff, shoving him slightly, though I can't get rid of the grin on my face. "You can_not_ pull that 'if you really love me' crap."

"I can if it works," he replies, unabashed.

I roll my eyes and relent. "Oh, fine. But you better make it worth my while."

Edward smirks. "You can count on it, babe."

We end up in my favorite spot by the creek, with a couple of slushes we stopped off at the gas station to buy. Raspberry for Edward, cherry for me. We're lying on the hood of the Volvo again, just like before, and he's right… it's far superior to a first period math class.

"So, is this what skippin' school is all about?" I ask.

"Nah," Edward pulls me by the sleeve of my letterman jacket until I roll on top of him. "This is what it's all about."

He pulls me in for a kiss, which I happily return. When I pull back, I grin at him teasingly.

"You make out with lotsa guys when you're meant to be in first period?"

"There's only one guy out there for me, Jasper, and I'm looking at him."

"He must be somethin' real special," I say smugly.

Edward shrugs underneath me. "Nah. Bit of an ugly bastard, really. Don't know what I see in him."

"Hey…" I pretend to be offended, but Edward won't let me wriggle out of the stranglehold he has on my neck. He presses his lips to my jaw and tugs me down so that I lie flat on him.

"I'm kidding. Did you know, I'm dating the quarterback?" he says, fluttering his eyelashes in an uncanny impersonation of – weirdly – my little sister. "I mean, O-M-G, couldn't you just, like, totally die right now? I'm like soooo lucky!"

I crack up laughing. "You're such a moron sometimes."

"Uh huh. But, like, can I, like, wear your jacket? All my girlfriends would be soooo jealous!"

I'm still laughing, but I consider that image for a second. "Huh. Actually, that's kinda hot. You can totally borrow my jacket."

"I'll hang it up next to the heart-shaped picture I have of you in my locker," he says, so seriously that it takes me a second to work out that he's screwing with me.

"Jerk."

"Hey, I'm not a jerk. I'm on board with some hot role-play scenarios involving that jacket, if you're game."

I snicker. "You never fail to amaze me, Edward."

"Amaze, or amuse?"

"Both."

We're quiet for a minute, just watching each other. The feeling of contentment and weightlessness that he always brings me steals through my body, and I just roll with it, sighing happily.

"Hey, Jazz?" he tugs on my jacket to get my attention.

"Yeah?"

"Can we get naked now?"

"Out here?" I check, glancing around the area. It's not exactly private.

"I was thinking more… in the backseat, but I'm open to alternative suggestions." He smirks evilly.

"The backseat is fine," I say with a smile, rolling myself off him and making my way towards the rear passenger door. I crack it open and stand back, chauffer style, indicating with my hand that he should go first. He slides off the hood and walks over to join me. "After you."

"Such a gentleman," Edward jokes, rolling his eyes. "Keep this up, and I might even go down on you in a minute."

"That's the idea," I say cheerfully, before climbing in after him and slamming the door shut behind me.

* * *

"So, is that your most embarrassin' sex story?" Mike asks. Mike and Emmett met up with Edward and I in the diner about a half hour ago, and we were surprised when Rosie joined, not with Bella in tow, but with Kate, instead. Happy as I am to see her, I'm surprised she's left the house. She's been too nervous before now. I'm not going to question her progress, though.

Mike started the conversation about sex stories about five minutes after they got here, and has been keeping it up ever since. To my utter horror, the last three have involved Emmett and my baby sister.

"Not fuckin' likely!" Emmett guffaws, and Mike, Katie and Edward crack up. Rosalie buries her face in her hands, apparently mortified, and I can't say I blame her. I sorta want to die inside as well.

"Dude, that's my fuckin' sister," I protest, kicking him in the shin under the table.

"Sorry, man," Emmett chortles. "It was just so funny! And Rosie went all red and just ran straight outta my room, but Ryan started chasin' her, little perv that he is, so Rose locked herself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out until my mama said she needed in, and when she opened the door she's wearin' nothin' but my football jersey! You shoulda seen my mama's face!"

Edward and Mike are practically crying now, and even Kate looks more entertained than I've seen her in a long time. Rose shoots me a 'please help me' look, and I just shrug, because she should know better than to think that I can stop Emmett when he's on a roll.

"Can we not talk about this anymore?" Rose mumbles, red-faced. "It's fuckin' embarrassin'!"

"That's nothin', Rosie," Mike assures her, patting her on the hand. "This one time, me and Bella got caught doin' it on the washin' machine in our laundry room when my parents came home early from their trip to Houston. Now, that was fuckin' awkward!"

I splutter out a laugh. "What did you say?"

"Not much to say, really. I got caught with my pants down. Literally." He shakes his head in despair. "What 'bout you, Edward? Ever get caught gettin' it on with a dude by the parentals?"

"Actually," Edward says, smirking slightly. "Once. My mom walked into my room, and I could've sworn that I locked the door, but I obviously didn't, and she was just standing in the doorway, waiting for us to notice she was there."

"And then what happened?"

"We didn't notice," Edward continues. "And then she just cleared her throat and said 'homework, huh?' and I ended up rolling right off the bed."

I realize, in that moment, that he's talking about us, and I will myself not to blush and give the game away.

"That sounds pretty funny. 'Least your mama was cool 'bout it, though."

"Yeah, she kind of laughed it off, thank God."

"Not before she gave you the awkward 'there are rules in this house, Teddy, so under no circumstances are you to lock that door' speech, though," I put in, and everyone's eyes flicker over to me. Emmett looks amused, having guessed who he got caught with, as do my sisters. Mike, on the other hand, is frowning at me, completely nonplussed.

"How'd you know that?"

"Uh…"

"I've told Jasper that story before," Edward lies smoothly, and Mike's face seems to de-rumple, all confusion gone.

I catch Edward's eye across the table.

_Thanks for the save, _I think at him.

_Be more careful, _he seems to say back.

At that moment, a shadow falls across our table. I expect to look up and see the waitress, but Kate stiffens visibly beside me, and when I pull my gaze upwards, it's to see a tall, sandy-blond man with long, lean muscles and a hard jaw.

"Katie?" he murmurs.

She's trembling beside me.

"I went to your house looking for you, but nobody was home. Katie, baby, we need to talk."

"Who the _fuck_ are you?" I demand, pretty rudely, but then, there's no mistaking the fear in my sister's wide blue eyes as she looks up at the guy.

Wait, fear?

God help me, I fuckin' know who this guy is.

He turns to me with a savage look quite unlike the soft one he's been giving my sister. "Riley Biers. Her boyfriend. Who the fuck are _you_?"

Emmett and Edward both tense up when they hear Riley's name, and Rosalie claps one hand to her mouth to stifle a gasp. Katie seems to be shrinking further and further into the booth, desperate to put as much distance between herself and Riley as is humanly possible.

"I'm Jasper _fuckin'_ Hale." I slide out of the booth and stand, pleased to note that I have a couple inches height on the guy. "And she's my sister, you fuckin' piece of shit."

Riley seems to sneer at me, before actually having the nerve to reach around me with his hand extended to Katie.

"Katie, baby, come talk to me. I need to tell you how sorry I am."

"Fine," I growl, stepping closer to him. "So tell her from this distance, and then get the fuck out. You lay one hand on her, motherfucker, and I'm gonna break off every fuckin' one of your fingers and feed 'em to you."

Riley regards me coolly. "Like hell you will. She's carrying my fucking child, kid."

He tries to push past me, but I'm as immovable as a brick wall, and he just ricochets right off my shoulder. He draws himself up to his full height – still shorter than me – and snarls in my face. "Get out of my fucking way."

"Or what?" I challenge. "You gonna hit me? Or is that somethin' you only do to women too fragile to properly defend themselves, you fuckin' cunt?"

The entire diner full of people has fallen silent to listen to our showdown. Some customers are actually paused with their forks halfway to their mouths.

"Fuck off, kid. This has nothing to do with you," he barks, and I step right up, now, so that we're nose to nose.

"Oh, really?" I hiss. "Well, I'm gonna have to disagree with you there. Any fucker who thinks he can hit my sister is gonna answer to me. Now, I swore that I wouldn't go runnin' off to find you and get myself in trouble, but you showin' up here on my doorstep? I'm takin' that as a sign from God that he wants me to beat your worthless ass into the ground."

"As if you fucking could," Riley scoffs. "Katie, come on, quit being a little bitch and come talk to me. It's bad enough you fucking told on me to your little brother, but don't make things worse for yourself."

I huff air through my nostrils like an enraged bull. "You need to turn around and leave, right now, or you're gonna fuckin' wish you had."

"Jasper…" Edward murmurs, but I ignore him. My gaze is focused solely on the monster who beat my sister and her unborn child until it hurt for her to move.

"We're both gonna walk away right now," I say, but my voice is quivering with rage. "And I mean right now. Walk away, and nobody needs to get hurt."

With a superhuman effort I didn't know I was capable of, I turn my back on Riley and make my way back to the table. Edward gives me a small, encouraging smile. He's pleased by my restraint.

Then Riley's voice breaks through the silence again.

"You know what? Fine! Fuck you, Katie. I came down here to work this out, but I don't know why I bothered. You're just hiding behind your kid brother like the whiny little bitch you've always been. I swear, I don't even know why I fucked you in the first place."

I freeze mid-step. My back stiffens. Katie's crying into her hand, but she doesn't look quite right, because my entire field of vision is now tinged with red.

"On second thoughts…" I say, whipping around.

Then I let him have it.

I all but leap across the distance separating us, hitting him squarely in the chest and tackling him to the floor. My fists clench so tightly that I don't know that they'll ever unfurl, as I repeatedly sink them into Riley's worthless face. I'm vaguely aware of people screaming at me to stop, I'm even vaguely aware of the flecks of blood that keep spattering me, compromising my vision for a minute when they hit me in the eye.

I'm fairly certain Riley lands a couple of punches of his own, but I don't feel them.

I don't feel Emmett when he tries, unsuccessfully, to pull me off him.

"Jasper, stop!" Rosalie's screaming. "You're gonna kill him!"

It's pandemonium. Shrieks and screams and hands frantically clawing at my back, as I continue to pound Riley into mincemeat. My blows land everywhere; his neck, his face, his torso. Over and over again, I hit him, until eventually, one voice gets through.

"Jazz, stop. Stop now. Please. It's over, you got him. Stop fighting." Edward's arms grip my biceps, and I stop struggling as he gently pulls me off Riley's battered torso. I allow him to drag me backwards until Emmett catches hold of my shoulders, anchoring me in place in case I spring for the fucker again.

I'm shaking.

I'm covered in blood.

I don't think any of it is mine.

I've been in fights before, obviously, but I've never lost it like this. Riley's face is broken in more places than it is whole. One of his eyes is swollen shut. His head is cut, his lip is weeping blood in copious amounts.

He pushes himself to his feet, agonizingly slowly, and not one person in the diner offers him any assistance. The townsfolk are shocked by my behavior, but they're mortally offended by his. Woman-beater is second only to pedophile in this town.

Holding himself up on the nearest table, Riley spits a mouthful of blood onto the floor. I'm pretty sure one of his teeth goes with it.

I feel nauseated by the damage I've caused, but I can't bring myself to feel bad for him.

I just feel scared for _me_. I had no idea I was capable of such brutality.

"Well, there's a turn out for the fucking books, eh, Katie?" Riley says, his voice barely more than a pained rasp. Still, in the absolute silence of the diner, it's louder than a gunshot. "I get my ass handed to me by your psychotic brother, and you don't even come and try to help me? What happened to 'I love you, Riley'?"

"I _don't_ love you, you son of a bitch. You can burn in Hell for eternity for all I fuckin' care." Kate's voice comes out clear and strong as she stares him balefully in the eye, and I couldn't be prouder of her than in this moment. "You will never fuckin' touch me again, and you will never, _ever_ so much as catch a glimpse of _my_ baby. Now, get the fuck outta my town, before I call my Gramma and she takes a shotgun to your fuckin' head."

Edward grips Kate's shoulder supportively in my peripheral vision, smiling down at her with an expression of pure warmth.

"Fine. So I burn in Hell." His mouth twists into a grimace that I think is meant to be an evil smile when he looks at me. "But I guess I'll see you there, Jasper. After all, God hates fucking faggots like you as much as he hates guys like me."

The silence in the restaurant is broken as everyone takes a collective breath.

Edward's eyes find mine, and they're as wide as dinner plates. He's completely panicked.

"You're not even denying it," Riley says, attempting a laugh, though it transforms into a hacking cough halfway through.

"He don't have to," Mike spits. "Like we'd believe shit that comes outta your mouth, anyway."

"Really? Well, I was there in Kate's room the day you told her you were gay on the phone. So, which one's the boyfriend, eh?" Riley's one good eye flickers over to Emmett, holding me back, and then Mike, before finally resting on Edward. "I bet it's you. Yeah, you look the most likely to be a fucking dirty queer, of the lot of them."

"Don't fuckin' talk to him like that," I growl.

"Jazz, it's okay…" Edward's warning me, telling me not to make things worse for myself without actually saying the words, but I'm past caring.

"You want me to kick your motherfuckin' ass all over again?" I threaten, lurching forwards, though Emmett's hold restrains me this time.

"Sorry, kid, did I hurt your boyfriend's feelings?" Riley tries to sneer through his mangled face. "The whole fucking lot of you makes me sick. I'm glad I'm having nothing to do with this kid, considering the fucked up family it has. The fucking ass pirate uncle and his little bitch boy. Disgusting."

"Don't you fuckin' dare…" I thrash against Emmett, but he holds strong. "Don't fuckin' ever speak about him that way again, or I swear to God I will fuckin' end you!"

"Dude, chill out," Mike whispers. "We all know he's talkin' smack, we know you ain't gay…"

"You think we're dirty and disgustin'?" I challenge, glaring white-hot daggers at Riley. I can't imagine what I look like – caked in drying blood and almost purple with fury, teeth bared. "I might not be sleepin' with chicks, but I'd never fuckin' hit one either! You're the fucked up one, Riley, not me. And definitely not Edward. Leave him the fuck outta this."

"Oh my…" Mike gasps. "Dude, seriously? You and Cullen? That's… what…?"

"Yeah," I raise my voice, so that it seems to ring off every available surface and bounce back to me. "That's right. Me and Cullen. Do your fuckin' worst."

Everyone just stares, open-mouthed.

The bell above the door tinkles, shattering the silence. A heartbeat or so later, Chief Swan comes strolling in, and heads straight for Riley, muttering into a little handheld radio. He's missed my coming out party, so he gives me a stern nod before slamming Riley's head down on the table and twisting his arms behind his back to cuff him.

"Think it's okay to hit a woman, you punk ass?" Charlie snarls into his ear, before jerking him up to his feet. He nods at Rhonda, the woman behind the bar. "Thanks for the tip, Ron." He turns to Katie. "Don't you worry none, Katie, I'll run his ass outta town for ya."

And, with that, he tugs Riley from the diner.

The whole place seems to erupt into frantic, panicked muttering as soon as the door swings shut behind them, and I can feel a hundred pairs of eyes trained on me, burning a hole in the back of my head. I just stand there, stunned, as Edward tentatively approaches. He braces both hands on my shoulders – I dunno when Emmett released me, but he must've – and stares seriously into my eyes.

"We've got to go, Jazz. Let's go and get you cleaned up, okay?"

I can only nod meekly as I allow myself to be towed, white-faced, blood-soaked and trembling, out of the diner.

I can't breathe.

My brain is stuck on one thought, and one thought only.

_I just outed myself to the entire motherfuckin' town._

* * *

**Drama, drama, drama! **

**We head off to New York next chapter. Who's excited? Raise your hand! And to TheAvidReader, I had a little chuckle to myself when I was reading your review when you suggested violence, because I was halfway through writing the last scene here. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Much love**

**PJ **

**x**


	15. Fourteen: April (Part Four)

**A/N – Buenos Dias! **

**Okay, so I know, I've been neglecting to update for a couple days. Bad me. I've had an action-packed weekend – a totally unexpected but awesome one – so I've been preoccupied. **

**However, here comes the first part of the New York trip. There are going to be probably three or four parts to it. **

**Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

_**Fourteen**_

_**April (Part Four)**_

* * *

New York City. The Big Apple.

I'm going there. I'm really fuckin' going! I'm practically bouncing in my seat as I sit there, all keyed up and trembling with nervous excitement. The diner is pretty much empty this morning, but I was too excited to stay at home – Gramma yelled at me earlier for nearly wearing a hole into the carpet with my frantic pacing – so I figured a walk and some breakfast would do me good.

It has done me good, unquestionably, but the dirty looks I'm getting from the very few patrons who are actually sitting in the surrounding booths are having a pretty negative impact on my mood.

"Jasper, hon?"

I glance up to see Rhonda standing over me, holding a pot of coffee. "Do you want a refill?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. Thanks." I hold up my mug for her to pour some more steaming liquid into. She tops me up, a kind smile quirking her lips upwards. It's nice to see someone looking at me with something other than venom in their eyes.

"Mind if I sit and have a chat?" Rhonda asks. I shrug, because I don't really object, and she slides onto the leather bench opposite me, setting the coffee pot down between us on the Formica.

"What's up, Ron?" I say. She regards me carefully for a moment with matronly hazel eyes that are more green than brown, today.

"You know that what ya did in here the other day was hella stupid, right?"

I sigh. It's been three days since my very public beat-down of that scumbag Riley, and of course, three days since the entire town heard me announce that I'm a "cock-suckin', ass fuckin' friend a Dorothy" as Old Man Mitchell so eloquently put it yesterday when I ran into him at the grocery store.

"I'm real sorry, Ron. I shoulda never beat someone up in your diner."

Rhonda dismisses my comment with an impatient wave of her hand. "Hell, son, I ain't talkin' 'bout that. That asshole had it comin'. I'm talkin' 'bout you tellin' the whole dang town 'bout you and Edward Cullen bein' a couple."

"Oh," I say flatly. "Right. That."

"For what it's worth, I don't see ya any different. You're still the same sweet little boy who used to come here for ice cream sundaes every Tuesday night with your mama."

I glance up, surprised and disbelieving, but Rhonda's face is the picture of sincerity. "Serious?"

She shrugs. "Yeah. I don't much care who loves who. Don't make no difference to me. And I always did wonder 'bout the two a you. The way y'all look at each other… it's a beautiful thing. So, you're datin' a boy? Don't matter none. He's a damn sight better than most a the girls in this town, with the way they carry on when they think no one is lookin'."

"Wow, Rhonda," I breathe, a slight smile gracing my lips at her words. "I wish everyone in this town felt the same way you do."

"Some a them do. Not gonna lie to ya, though, Jasper, most a them don't. But ya know what I say? I say 'fuck 'em all'. Anyone who got a problem with who you are ain't worth your time."

I'm totally in awe of her by this point. I stare into her kindly round face for a moment, choking on my own gratitude. "Thank you."

She gives me another blasé shrug. "S'alright, kid. Like I said, ya can't help who ya are. Includin' who ya love. Tell me somethin'… d'you love that boy?"

I nod emphatically.

"Are ya happy when you're with him?"

Another nod.

"Well, then, that's all that's really important, ain't it?" She grins. I find myself with an answering smile on my face, and a fluttering of hope in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I will be able to come back from the shunning and the public condemnation that has befallen me over the weekend.

"Yeah, you're right, Ron. That's all that's important."

"Speakin' of…" Rhonda says slyly, and I twist in my seat to follow her gaze. The diner door opens with a tinkling of the bell, and Edward strolls on through, looking completely fuckable in his skinny jeans and a chocolate brown tee that really looks great with his coloring. He grins widely when he sees me.

"There you are," he declares when he gets to the booth. He gives Rhonda a nod and a smile before sliding onto the seat beside me. "I went to your house, and your mom said you came over here for breakfast. How come you didn't call me?"

"Didn't know if you were up," I reply. "And I didn't wanna wake you."

"Aw." Edward reaches for my hand, not caring about the other people around. I tense up for a second, before I remember that I have no reason to – everyone knows my secret, anyway. With a soft smile in his direction, I thread my fingers through his. Rhonda smiles fondly at us both.

"I gotta go top up the rest a these bastards," she grumbles, sliding out of her side of the booth. "But anythin' you boys want, feel free to holler."

"Thanks, Ron," I say, and I mean it sincerely.

As soon as she leaves, Edward turns to me with a big-ass smile. "Are you ready? We're heading to the airport at twelve."

"I know," I grin, because he's told me that at least ten times in the past couple days. "And yes, I'm excited. I'm so goddamn excited that Gramma banished me from the fuckin' house this mornin' cuz I was gettin' on her nerves."

Edward looks like he desperately wants to laugh, but he keeps his composure… just barely. "I think that's cute."

"Edward…" I hedge, as something I've been thinking about enters my mind again. He raises one copper eyebrow questioningly. "When we get to New York, what's the… um… room setup?"

"In the hotel?" he asks, nonplussed. "Pretty much the same as every hotel ever. There's a hallway, and there are rooms on that hallway, and they give you a little key card thingy and…"

"No," I half-laugh. "I meant who is stayin' in which room?"

"Oh," he replies with a chuckle. "Okay. Um, well… Maggie is rooming with Mom and Dad, and we're in our own room."

"Just you and me?" I check, a feeling of elation spreading quickly through my chest.

Edward rolls his eyes. "Unless you're planning on inviting other people back with us when we go out, yeah."

I'm too happy to be annoyed at his sarcasm. "So, we're gonna be alone. In some swanky New York hotel. You, me and a bed."

Edward finally cottons onto my mood, and his eyes darken in a promising way that makes me feel hot all over. "Well, there's two beds, technically, but we'll only be needing one."

I grin, feeling my cock twitch in my jeans. Lowering my voice even further, I whisper in his ear, "You can bet your sweet ass we'll be makin' good use of it."

"Oh really?" he challenges, with a naughty smirk. "And what exactly do you have in mind?"

I pause for a second, testing my own nerve. He's looking at me with this total I-dare-you expression, green eyes glittering. He traps his titanium tongue bar in front of his teeth as I watch him, and I'm getting hard just looking at the way his tongue is curling over his teeth.

"I wanna have sex," I murmur, and he freezes.

"What?"

"In New York. I don't wanna wait anymore. I'm ready to do this, Edward. I wanna be with you."

Even if he wants me to bottom. I want him – completely. I can get over my fears.

At least, I think I can.

He smiles, one of those dazzling crooked grins that stops my heart mid-beat. "You're serious?"

"As a heart-attack," I promise.

"You know, our hotel has a great view of the Manhattan skyline," Edward says in a low voice. He leans slightly closer, close enough for me to smell his aftershave. "You can fuck me looking out over the city lights."

_Holy shit_. I just about come in my pants from his words alone. And considering he said that I could fuck him… I guess I don't have to worry about facing my fears over bottoming any time soon.

Sex with Edward… dear God. I gulp down the excess saliva that has pooled in my mouth at the thought. He's still grinning at me, and it's taking a considerable amount of effort not to throw him down on the table right now and just have my wicked way with him.

Which would be a bad idea. I know I'm out already and everything, but I don't think even Rhonda would be able to handle _that_.

And Chief Swan would get real embarrassed when he showed up to arrest us both.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward snaps me out of my reverie, and I drag my gaze up from the tabletop to meet his eyes. I shoot him an evil grin.

"Charlie Swan's face if he got called out to arrest me for throwin' you down and doin' what I wanna do to you on this table, right now."

His reaction is immensely satisfying. His eyes widen and he makes a slightly strangled sound in the back of his throat. He swallows thickly, and then blows out a shaky breath.

"Fuck…" he murmurs, voice low and husky. "If I promise to get Mom and Dad to pay our bail money, will you do it anyway?"

I laugh. "I think 'in a posh hotel room under the city lights' is a bit more romantic than 'in a booth in Rhonda's'."

Edward pouts, but concedes the point. "Oh, fine. I suppose we'll just have to wait 'til tonight."

The word _tonight_ makes my stomach clench in anticipation. I squeeze his hand reflexively, and he smiles his crooked smile at me again.

When I look into his eyes, I can see the same nervous elation reflected back at me.

* * *

"Have you got everythin'?" Mama frets, flapping her hands as she does a last-minute inventory of all my belongings.

"Yes, Mama," I say, barely refraining from rolling my eyes at her. "We've been over this."

"Don't you sass yer mama, Jasper Hale," Gramma pipes up from her recliner. She hasn't moved from the same spot in front of the TV the entire time I've been frantically running around with Mama on my heels as I did all my last minute packing.

"Sorry, ma'am," I mutter, not sure which of the two I'm actually directing my apology at.

Just then, Kate saunters into the room, a bright smile on her face. Tanya is following close behind her, and it looks as though she's working hard to conceal a grin of her own.

They must've just gotten back from the hospital. Kate had her first sonogram appointment this morning.

"How did it go?" Mama asks immediately, dropping my carry-on bag back onto my suitcase. "What did the doctor say?"

Katie looks straight at me as she answers. "Well, it turns out that I'm further along than I thought. Three months, not two. And… I asked Dr. Greene to tell me the sex of the baby."

"And?" Mama demands, but from the way Katie is eyeballing me, I know the answer to the question already.

"I guess you should get yourself ready to meet your grandson, Mama," Katie says, a blinding smile practically splitting her face in two.

"It's a boy?" Mama shrieks.

Kate nods, and then suddenly, everyone is jumping all over her, hugging her half to death. Even Gramma is up out of her chair. I stand in the midst of all the chaos, momentarily stunned, until Kate pulls me in for a hug.

"Congratulations!" I say, while Rosalie – who has just come in from the kitchen – grabs Tanya's hands and jumps around in a circle. Kate hugs me fiercely, burying her face in my neck.

"Michael Jasper Hale… named after his grandpa and his Uncle Jay," she whispers, and I feel the telltale burn of tears in my eyes.

"Finally, there'll be another guy around for me to play football with and roll our eyes at all you women," I mutter, and Katie laughs, drawing back and placing one hand on my cheek.

Just then, the doorbell goes. Rosalie scuttles off to answer it, leaving Kate and I to our family moment. I hear her shout "It's Edward!" and I pull away from my big sister, reaching down to snatch up my suitcase.

"Have fun, Jay," Kate says. Mama goes up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek and make me swear to call her every second day at the very least. I hug each of the women in my family in turn, and then make my way to the front door, trailing my bags behind me.

Edward grins at me from the doorway.

"Taxi for Hale?" he teases.

"That's me."

With a flourish, he reaches forward and grabs one of the bags from my unresisting fingers. "This way, sir, if you please."

I chuckle as I follow my boyfriend out onto the porch, stopping to give my family one last wave.

"Take pictures!" Rosalie implores.

I nod at her, and then jog the rest of the way down to the Cullens' car. Sliding into the backseat beside a very squirmy and excitable Maggie, I greet Esme and Carlisle, and as soon as Edward shuts my bag into the trunk and slides in the other side of the car, we're off.

"New York City, here we come," Carlisle declares, and I can't help the huge grin that spreads across my face.

* * *

The flight to JFK seems like it takes forever, but that's probably because I'm so keyed up. Edward seems to find my peppy mood amusing, because he keeps giving me an indulgent smirk every time I start yammering on about going to see the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.

When we get to the hotel, we check in, and Carlisle and Esme go off to have lunch with some friends of theirs in the city. They take Maggie with them, which means that Edward and I have the evening to ourselves.

We decide to cross off one of the things on my New York bucket list straightaway – going to see Times Square. Edward chatters incessantly, giving me the lowdown on all of his friends – the majority of whom I'll meet tomorrow – and I jump in surprise when, coming out of the subway station, he leans over and takes my hand.

I glance around, ready to give all the judgmental people in the surrounding crowd the stink-eye, only to find that nobody is paying the slightest bit of attention to us. Not one eyelid batted in our direction. When I turn back to Edward, he's watching me.

"Welcome to the big city, cowboy," he murmurs, and hooks the fingers of his free hand through my belt loops. He tugs me closer, until our noses brush each other. Then, without any hesitation, he closes the distance and captures my lips with his own.

I kiss him back instinctively, though inside, I'm on red alert, just waiting for the fucker who will try and start something with us. Edward's mouth moves against mine in a familiar and delicious rhythm, and I soon find myself answering his kiss with the same sort of intensity. I completely lose all perspective of space and time. It's only when I hear a wolf-whistle that we break apart.

I glance round to see a guy grinning at us both, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Get a room, kids," he laughs, and brushes past us on his way down into the subway station, still chuckling away.

Breathless, Edward smiles crookedly at me. "See? Nobody cares that we're gay."

I feel the same weightless feeling that I usually associate with Edward's proximity stealing over me, and I grin back at him. For the first time in a long time, I feel relaxed about us being out together.

"I love you," I say, pulling him in for another kiss before he can respond.

After exchanging kisses for a few more minutes, we finally make our way to Times Square. It's… indescribable.

So busy, and noisy, with the flashing billboards and the neon lights and the hustle and bustle of the people moving in droves around us. Several Japanese tourists nearby are taking close-up photographs of a fire hydrant, and there's an older couple – German, I think, or maybe Dutch; I can't tell the difference between the languages – babbling away excitedly to one another and pointing at anything and everything.

"What do you think?" Edward demands, turning to me with a wide, carefree smile. I love seeing him this way; free and unencumbered, cheeks slightly flushed, hair all mussed up to hell from the wind, bright green eyes alight with the thrill of sharing his city with me.

"It's amazin'," I say honestly.

"You haven't even seen the best parts of New York, yet." Edward looks like he might break out into a happy dance at any minute. In fact… I don't think I've ever seen him look quite so excited before. He's like a puppy. He's almost… bouncy.

Kinda like Alice. I stifle a laugh.

"What?" he demands, taking in my thoroughly entertained expression.

"I'm just thinkin' how much you're like Alice sometimes," I admit.

Edward looks scandalized. "In what way?" he demands, propping his hands on his hips and glaring at me. I can't hold back the laugh this time, because that stance has Alice written all over it.

"Oh, I dunno," I splutter, "Maybe the way you're bouncin' around all over the place and you look like you're about to burst into song. And when I said that, you looked like you were gunna throw a hissy fit."

"Hissy fit?" Edward's eyebrows shoot skywards. "I do not throw hissy fits!"

"You do, you know. Usually when you don't get your own way 'bout somethin'," I grin at him. "I might be a pushover, but you're high maintenance, babe. You're a total diva."

"Like fuck I am," he harrumphs, crossing his arms sulkily over his chest and turning his face away like he's three. I'm still chuckling as I grab hold of his chin and angle his head back towards me.

"C'mon, darlin', don't be mad at me," I wheedle. "I like that you know what you want outta everythin'."

"Hmph," Edward huffs.

"Baby…" I pull out my own puppy-dog face. I don't usually use it, and I don't really expect it to have the same effect on Edward as his does on me, which is why I'm surprised when he caves in instantly and slides one hand into my curls to pull me in for a kiss.

This one lasts a lot longer than the one at the top of the subway steps, but nobody around interrupts this time.

I'm making out with the love of my life in the middle of Times Square.

_Fuckin' A!_

* * *

After dinner at this great little Thai place, Edward and I finally get back to our room in the hotel. He lets us in, and I kinda wanna collapse face-first on the bed and pass the fuck out. It looks so comfy, and I'm exhausted from both the travel and the busy, bustling evening navigating our way through the vibrant city.

Then Edward starts moving around, flicking off lights and turning on the soft lamp on the nightstand, and I'm suddenly mesmerized by the view.

He was right. You can see the whole city from up here! It's stunning – we're right on the Hudson, and as far as my vision will go, all I can see is the river water illuminated by twinkling lights and glowing neons.

I get up from the bed, walking slowly over to the sheer glass wall and pressing my fingertips to the cool window pane.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Edward murmurs, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. I lean back into him, breathing in his soothing, delectable smell.

"Like somethin' out of a fairytale," I reply, equally quietly. My voice can't reach anything above an awed whisper.

"I'm so happy that you're here, Jazz," he breathes, his lips stirring the air by my ear. "I've wanted for us to stand like this, looking out at this view, pretty much since the moment I met you."

I turn around in his embrace, putting my back to the breathtaking view in favor of one that is equally dazzling – Edward. My fingers brush back a few strands of his unruly hair as I lean forward to rest my forehead against his.

"You changed my life, Edward. For the better. You're the piece that has been missin' all along, only I never realized it until a couple months back. New York is an amazin' city, and it's been my dream for forever, but honestly? I don't care where the hell I end up, so long as I'm with you."

His breathing hitches, and he presses himself closer to me. "Really?"

"Darlin', it's you and me. Forever." I know that it's a bit intense to make that sort of bold statement, but at this moment in time, I really feel it. I feel it deep down to my bones, this feeling of unbelievable rightness. Edward is _it_. He's my soulmate. He's my forever.

How do I know?

I just know.

"I love you so much, Jazz," he whispers, pressing his lips to mine in a brief, sweet kiss.

"I love you, too, Teddy," I grin, and he sighs happily against me. I can't believe he hasn't berated me for using his family nickname like he does anyone else who tries it. He didn't even flinch when it fell from my lips.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

Edward's eyes meet mine when he pulls back slightly, and I inhale sharply at the fervent desire and longing I see in his green gaze. "Make love to me."

_Fuck. _Every muscle in my body seems to clench and unclench as a wave of crippling desire overtakes me. Edward pulls my face to his in a crushing kiss as I start to walk him backwards towards the bed. His legs hit the mattress, and I lower him down onto it, climbing on top of him to hover on my elbows, still kissing fiercely.

I could get entirely lost in his taste and his touch and the smell of his cologne. My teeth graze his bottom lip, and he groans seductively as my hands tug impatiently at the hem of his t-shirt.

"Off," I command, and I sit up so that he can pull it over his head and onto the floor. Mine joins it a second later, and the next thing I know, his mouth is on my nipple, tongue stud flicking against the rapidly hardening nub. I moan softly and fist one hand in his crazy copper hair, gently keeping his head in that position. His fingers ghost up and down my sides, blazing like flames everywhere that they touch my skin, and I'm writhing on top of him.

Sometimes, I worry about how readily my body responds to his touch, or, hell, even his presence. At times like this, though, I just revel in it. His sure hands find my fly, and he hooks one thumb into the waistband of my jeans while the other hand sets to work undoing it.

Within seconds, my pants are down at my knees, boxers inside them, and I kick off all the offending articles of clothing. Edward eyes me appreciatively, already standing fully to attention as I begin to tug off his jeans and underwear.

When we're both naked, my mouth begins to explore his body. Slowly, slowly, I kiss my way from his jaw line, down his neck, nipping at his collarbone, biting gently on first one nipple, then the other. Edward throws his head back, moaning at the sensation, and I continue my trajectory right the way down his lean muscled torso until I'm peppering the V of his hipbones with kisses. He bucks his hips upwards, straining erection demanding attention, but I pin him down, taking my time.

"Jasper, please," he begs, almost in a whimper, as I continue my slow and sensual assault of his body. My mouth travels down to his legs, and I run the tip of my tongue along his inner thigh.

He groans loudly. "Need you… Jazz, suck me… please…"

I shift myself up slightly, sweeping the flat of my tongue along the underside of his cock. He cries out and thrusts his hips upwards at the sensation, and I grin in satisfaction. It's beyond a rush to see him like this, so affected by me. My man, his eyes half-crazed with rampant lust because of what I'm doing to him. It's hot as all hell.

Finally giving him what he wants, I clamp my mouth around his length and take him down my throat. He hisses in pleasure, hips twitching upwards to drive himself deeper into my throat. I suck hard, my tongue swirling around his head, dipping into his slit and tasting him.

"God!" Edward gasps. "Oh, fuck, Jasper!"

I gently tug at his balls as I continue to suck him up and down. The pace I set alternates between fast and hard and slow and teasing, and it has him mumbling incoherently in no time at all. I ease up a little, not ready to let him come just yet.

My hand moves from his balls further back, circling his puckered hole gently. This elicits a strangled cry from him, and he bucks his hips deeper into my mouth again.

Something occurs to me, then, and I glance up at him. He meets my gaze, and correctly interprets the question in my eyes, because he says, "It's in the zip bit of my carry-on bag."

I release his dick from my mouth and get up, wishing I'd had the forethought to make sure I had the lube on me to start with so that I didn't have to stop what I was doing. I quickly retrieve it, and am soon back between Edward's legs, squeezing lube into my hand and coating my fingers. I take him back into my mouth, which causes him to groan again, and my index finger gently teases his hole before I slip it inside.

"Oh!" Edward sighs. I move my finger experimentally, sliding it in and out of him in time with the motion of my mouth on his cock. Then I add a second finger, and repeat the process, going a bit more carefully this time.

I never told Edward about all the internet research I've been doing in my free time. I like to be prepared. I'd probably have made a good boy scout when I was a kid. Just as I swallow around his head, I curl my fingers, and his back bows off the bed as he hollers "Oh fuck!"

I grin around his dick, triumphant. Gotcha.

I thrust my fingers in and out of him once more, curling them to press against his sweet spot, and he convulses, spilling himself down my throat. I swallow greedily, continuing my relentless finger-fucking. I add a third finger as I release his cock, and I just catch him wincing slightly.

I pause. "You okay, darlin'?"

"Yeah," Edward pants. "Don't stop."

After a few more minutes of this, I try and move my fingers in the scissoring motion I read about, stretching him out so that he's ready for me. He's already fully hard again when he grabs my chin and tugs my face upwards until I'm lying across him. My dick is aching with the raw need I have for him.

"I'm ready, Jasper," he breathes. "I need you, right now."

Well, fuck, he doesn't have to tell me twice. I feel like I'm about to combust any minute from desire. My hands find his hips as I angle them up towards me, and I position myself at his entrance, giving myself a couple of quick strokes with my lubed-up hand.

"Just tell me to stop if I hurt you," I fret, my voice hoarse.

"Ssh, relax. I've done this before, babe, it's fine." He brushes back a stubborn curl from my face. "I trust you, Jasper."

"Okay," I breathe, and I begin to push myself into him, slowly. Edward bites his lip as I push past the ring of tight muscle, and although I desperately want to hold his gaze, I have to bury my head into his neck as I'm hit with the overwhelming sensation.

Fuck. I've never felt anything like this in my life. He's so tight and hot around me that I don't know how I'm going to be able to last. I continue moving forward, inch by inch, spurred on by Edward's soothing reassurances in my ear. When I finally feel his ass against my thighs, I'm trembling with sensory overload.

"How you doin'?" I check, breathing ragged.

I lift my head up to meet his gaze, and I can't see anything but love and total wonderment looking back at me. That's good, because it's exactly how I feel, too.

"I'm on top of the fucking world, Jazz," Edward whispers softly, running his fingertips over my bottom lip. I blow out a shaky breath.

"Me fuckin' too."

Then I start to move my hips, rocking back and forth in as slow a motion as I can cope with. Edward groans when I adjust my angle slightly so that I'm hitting his sweet spot with every stroke.

"Oh, God… Edward…" I gasp. "Un-fuckin'-believable…"

His hips are rising and falling in time with my thrusts, ankles crossing at my back as he drives me deeper and deeper into him. Both of us are crying out with every thrust, his cock trapped between our sweaty bodies, and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to hold out.

"Jasper…" he pants. "Fuck… Harder…Faster…"

I comply, increasing my pace, slamming into him with everything I've got.

"God, Edward, I love you!" I breathe, thrusting into him deeply. Edward's eyes roll back into his head and he screams out what sounds like a garbled version of my name as he comes apart around me, shooting jets of hot, sticky liquid onto our stomachs. His orgasm, and the way he clenches around me, is all it takes to throw me over the edge, too, and I explode, stars dancing in my vision as I bury my head in his neck, calling out his name.

When we've both come down from the high, I raise my head and meet his gaze again. He has an exhausted grin on his face, eyes burning into mine with his heated intensity.

"Fuck, Jasper, that was…" he trails off, shaking his head in wonder.

"I know," I agree. "I've never felt anythin' like that in my life."

Edward pulls me in for a kiss, and I happily comply, our tongues dancing together as we bask in actual post-coital ecstasy.

"I'm so in love with you," he whispers against my lips, and I sigh with contentment. I honestly didn't know it was possible to feel this exultant. I kiss him once more before slipping out of him. He winces slightly.

"Are you okay?" I murmur.

"I'm better than _okay_," he replies, rolling his eyes at me. I resist the urge to slug him in the shoulder. Sarcastic prick.

I roll off him and settle myself down at his side. A goofy grin spreads across my face as he curls himself around me, tucking one arm around my waist and tangling our legs together as he rests his chin on my shoulder.

"I meant, are you hurtin' or anythin'?" I qualify.

"No, Jazz. I'm good." He gives a lazy sigh and plants a soft kiss on my collarbone. I tighten my hold on him, humming blissfully into his hair.

I've just had sex with Edward Cullen.

Me, Jasper Hale, small-town hick, has just had sex with cultured, mysterious, adventurous Edward Cullen.

My life really is awesome.

* * *

**I hope this is enough of an offering to make up for my absence these past couple of days. **

**Much love!**

**PJ**

**x**


	16. Fifteen: April (Part Five)

**A/N – Greetings, wonderful readers!**

**Over three hundred reviews :-) I'm genuinely over the moon about your comments and appreciation for this story, guys, you're really making my day every time you leave me some love. **

**We're nearly halfway through (next chapter). I promise to update with the events of February in Edward's POV in DITHOT either today or tomorrow as well, so stay tuned for that. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_**Fifteen**_

_**April (Part Five)**_

* * *

"Ow! Motherfucker!"

I'm jerked awake by Edward's harsh epithet as he actually rolls right off the bed, cracking his head off the nightstand as he goes. Still cussing reproachfully under his breath, he staggers upright.

"Mornin'," I say with a sleepy grin. He props his hands on his bare hips, glowering at me.

"You've barely opened your eyes and already you're making fun of me," he huffs.

"I'm not makin' fun of you," I protest, though we both know that I am. "It's not nice to mock the afflicted."

"I'm afflicted, am I?" Edward challenges, though I can see the beginnings of a grin through his attempts to look severe.

"Chronic klutziness," I nod.

"My head hurts."

"Want me to kiss it better?" I offer. Edward grins mischievously at me, before throwing himself back down onto the bed. He lands with remarkable precision, one knee either side of my hips. I almost want to take back the klutz comment.

"Yeah… along with other things." He leans down to brush a chaste kiss against my lips. "But sadly, that'll have to wait. Reason I got up is cuz Seth rang me. Apparently, everyone's down at Joe's waiting for us already."

My hands slide up the backs of his thighs to grip his ass as I pull myself upright. "So? Let 'em wait. We can have sex in the shower."

Edward smiles slightly. "As appealing a thought as that is, I'm actually kind of sore, babe. Give me the rest of the day to recover, and then I'm yours for the taking." He winks at me, and I laugh, nuzzling my nose against his.

"Oh, fine," I relent. "You win."

Tossing him sideways onto the bed – he lets out a yelp and then a laugh as he goes flying, I slide out from under the sheets and pad my way over to our en suite bathroom. I can feel Edward's gaze on me as I go.

"Quit starin' at my ass, Cullen," I admonish him, but we both know that I don't mean it.

"Hate to see you go," he half-sings at me, "But I love to watch you leave…"

I pause at the doorframe, bracing one hand on it, and twist to look at him over my shoulder. "Are you comin' or what?"

Edward laughs and leaps off the bed. "Not yet," he mutters as he stalks past me, and I can't resist giving his ass a playful slap as he heads through to turn on the shower.

* * *

Joe's, it transpires, is a coffee house that Edward apparently frequented with his friends while he lived here in New York. It's exactly the kind of out-of-the-way, alternative place I would expect of him. We arrive a little later than we said we would, thanks to a thoroughly satisfying session of head in the shower, but Edward is back to being like a Labrador puppy, all bouncy with excitement, as he grabs my hand and tows me through the front door.

"They're gonna love you," he reassures me, guessing at the anxiety I've been trying to keep buried under the surface for the entire walk over here. It's both a blessing and a curse that he knows me well enough to correctly surmise what I'm thinking, even when my face is fixed firmly on screensaver mode.

"Eddie!" I hear a shriek from the far corner, which consists of three leather couches full of people. Edward's head snaps in the direction of the sound, and a wide smile nearly splits his face in two. "Over here!"

"Summer!"

The girl that has called his name – Summer, apparently – is a pretty, leggy blonde who is holding the hand of another girl who is almost too beautiful to look at. She looks Native American, with long, flowing black hair and dark, flashing eyes that seem to light up the entire room. Her body is probably the envy of every girl in this place.

It sorta cements for me the fact that I'm gay when I don't even feel a shred of desire from looking at her. The only thing I think is; _cool shirt. I love the Rolling Stones. _

Sitting on her other side is the one and only Seth, and beside him, two other guys who I don't know, both sharing his coloring. Then there's a blond guy and his brunette girlfriend, and a totally emo guy, built like a pipe cleaner, with black bangs. Beside him is the last person – a guy who looks like mini-Seth, except he's dressed flamboyantly and practically bouncing in his seat.

Edward immediately begins making introductions. "Jasper, this is Summer, and her girlfriend Leah." He points to the first two girls. "Leah is Seth's sister. You know Seth, obviously, and that's Jake and Embry." He indicates the hulking guys on Seth's left, who both nod and grin at me. "This is Chuck and Kenna." The blond and his girlfriend wave. "And Eric." The emo guy gives me a 'sup' nod. "Oh, and this is Collin. Guys, this is my boyfriend, Jasper."

The bouncy, mini-Seth guy – Collin, I remind myself – actually springs to his feet and rushes forward, seizing my hand in both of his and shaking it enthusiastically. "Oh my gosh, it's so nice to meet you, finally!"

I grin down at him – he can't be taller than five-seven. "Nice to meet you, too."

"I'm Collin," he gushes.

"I got that part," I say, struggling to hold back my laugh.

"Don't mind him, Jasper," Summer says, grinning at me. "Someone forgot to take his batteries out a while back, and his mute button is broken."

Collin stops bouncing to shoot her a glare. "Hey."

Edward tugs me to the nearest available seat, and we sit down, hands still obviously intertwined. None of his friends so much as bat an eyelid. But then, I'm fairly sure that Collin is gay, and Seth definitely is, as are Leah and Summer, so I'm guessing none of them would care.

It's kinda freeing.

"Well done, Edward," the brunette – Kenna – pipes up with a smile. "Your boy's a real looker."

Edward grins kinda bashfully, as do I.

Seth has been pretty quiet so far, which I sorta put down to the tension between us the last time I'd seen him, but he surprises me by flashing Edward a warm grin.

"I told you so," he says smugly. I don't have a clue what that's about.

Edward apparently does, because he laughs. "Yeah, yeah. You are all knowing and wise, Clearwater. We get it."

Seth puffs his chest out proudly. "Damn right."

Leah rolls her eyes in my peripheral vision, but doesn't speak. I know that Seth is our age, and she's a little older, but the pair of them could easily be twins. They look very alike.

Kenna and Summer – with Collin's excited input – immediately demand to hear the story of how we met, and what happened in the run up to us getting together. Edward regales them with the tale with a little help from me, adding in details here and there, as Chuck goes off to get us all drinks.

Time passes quickly, and I find that I really like all of Edward's friends. Even more amazingly, they seem to like me just as much. I hear many swooning comments about my accent, which causes Edward to give the whole 'hands off, he's mine' speech. I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing that. I sorta love it when he gets all territorial and protective.

Gradually, the others drift off into their own conversations – Collin seems to be simultaneously participating in three different ones – and Edward gets all caught up in talking to Seth about some sort of project he's working on. I try to ignore the small, irrational flare of jealousy that sparks in my chest seeing how easily the two of them converse. It's ridiculous for me to be envious of their friendship – Edward has more than proved that he's mine as much as I'm his.

"Jasper?" Leah's soft, husky voice jerks me out of my jealous little reverie, and I glance over to meet her gaze. She's getting to her feet. "Will you give me a hand with the next round of drinks?"

"Sure thing," I say, getting to my feet as well. I accompany her over to the coffee bar. She's tall for a girl, I notice, maybe about five eight or nine. She's also effortlessly cool and beautiful, even in ripped denim shorts and a baggy shirt. I don't even think she's wearing any makeup.

"How are you doing?" she says, when we reach the counter. The barista gives her a flirtatious smile, which she obviously doesn't return. In fact, she swivels so that she's facing away from him, focusing her attention on me. "That lot can be pretty overwhelming, sometimes."

"They're great," I say, and I'm being truthful. "I'm just more of an observer in new social situations, is all."

"Me, too," Leah remarks. "I'm a writer. I like my solitude."

"How long have you and Summer been together?" I ask, because I'm curious. I've never met any other same-sex couples before.

"Since last August." Leah's face takes on an introspective look. "We've sort of been on and off for a couple of years before that. She's flighty, so it took me ages to actually pin her down. I doubt I'm going to keep her down, to be honest."

"You aren't as free-spirited, then?" I surmise. I often think the same thing of Edward and I. I have a thrill for adventure, sure, but I'm a homebody at heart. Edward craves excitement like an addict craves his next fix.

"I like routine," she replies. "I just wanna be settled, y'know?"

I nod. I do know. "You like livin' here?"

"There's no better place on Earth," she responds, and she sounds like she means it. "I want the fast-paced life, but I'm not always jonesing for my next move. Summer wants to go to Paris for a year."

"And you don't?"

"I like New York," she says simply. "Why fix something that isn't broken?"

I nod again. I can relate. "You're kinda open, considerin' I just met you."

"Unlike my little brother, I don't like bullshit," Leah replies. "And I'm sensing a kindred spirit in you."

It's weird, because I've been getting the same feeling about her since this conversation started. "Why do you say 'unlike your little brother'?"

"You mean, Edward didn't tell you?" Leah's eyebrows rise fractionally. "I'm surprised. Seth told me about you and Eddie having that epic fight after he kissed him."

"Yeah," I say. The barista is loading our coffees onto two trays. "What about it?"

"It was a set-up, Jasper." Her eyes darken a little. "I think it was awful, but Seth considers it a success, because you guys got together. They were never really even considering anything romantic between them. Seth convinced Edward to kiss him to see if it would push you over the edge and admit how you felt about him. Which, you know, it did, but not before it bit you both in the ass."

My mouth drops open. "What?"

"Don't be mad at Eddie, Jasper." Leah advises me. "He didn't believe anything would happen. He kissed Seth to prove a point to _him_ not you, but it ended up backfiring. Seth is usually right about people, but he goes the wrong way about things. I would've thought Edward would've fessed up already."

"He never said a word," I say faintly. I'm not sure whether I'm annoyed at the manipulation or relieved that nothing is actually going on between them.

"He's probably embarrassed by the whole stunt," she shrugs. "I know I would be."

The barista chooses this moment to lean forwards over the counter and tap Leah on the shoulder. "Can I have your number, beautiful?"

Leah flips her hair and turns to give him a withering look, her demeanor instantly morphing from concerned to irritated. "You're new here, right?"

He nods. "Started this week. If I'd known the girls in here are as fine as you, I'd have applied much sooner."

She gives him an aloof smile. "Listen…" her dark eyes flash to his name tag. "Kris. I'm not interested, sorry."

His eyes flicker towards me with a look of contempt. "Why not?"

"I'm seeing someone."

His glare in my direction intensifies, and I can't help but be amused. This guy thinks that I'm Leah's boyfriend. How odd. "Maybe he isn't making you happy anymore."

Well, you've got to admire his nerve, if nothing else.

Leah doesn't seem to share my opinion. Her nose wrinkles. "Well, he's actually a _she_, and she makes me very happy, thank you, so don't bother."

His eyes widen, and his gaze transfers back to Leah. "Oh."

"Yeah. Oh." She picks up one of the trays and turns on one Nike-clad foot. "Shall we, Jasper?"

I'm biting my lip to hold back my laughter as I seize the other tray and follow her back to the seats. This girl could give Alice a run for her money.

* * *

A couple hours later, and Edward and I are back in the hotel room, getting ready for dinner with Seth and Leah. The others are promising to meet up with us at some club later on.

Edward has just got out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his narrow hips, and I pause in fixing my hair in the mirror to stare at his reflection as he saunters past me in search of clothes. I wonder if I'll ever stop being entranced by how gorgeous he is.

"Seth says we should get Mexican food tonight," he tells me, checking his phone on the nightstand. "What're you feeling, love?"

The mention of Seth's name jogs my memory of my earlier conversation with Leah again, and I feel a glimmer of annoyance in my gut.

"Edward, how come you never told me that the whole kissin' Seth thing was actually a test to see if I liked you?"

He stills, dropping the phone onto the rumpled comforter. "How did you…?"

I turn to look at him, and we both say in unison, "Leah." I say her name like an explanation; Edward says it like a malediction.

Folding my arms across my chest, I survey him coolly. "So, were you ever gonna tell me?"

He fidgets uncomfortably. "I didn't really want to admit it."

"Gee, I wonder why," I mutter. "That's real low, Edward. You know I was all confused about shit, and you pulled somethin' like that?"

"I didn't know that at the time." He sounds pretty guilty. As well he fuckin' should. "And Seth said…"

"Oh, Seth said, did he?" I interrupt. "I'm pretty sure I could come up with some analogy 'bout bridges and jumpin' offa one, but it'd be a cliché."

"I don't get why you're mad," Edward murmurs. "It all worked out, didn't it?"

"That's not the fuckin' point, Edward!" I snap. "I was totally crushed when I saw you makin' out with him, and now I know that was your intention in the first place! How am I meant to react to that?"

"I never believed that you liked me, anyway," he defends. "It was Seth, he thought…"

"Seth didn't force you to kiss him, though, did he? At least part of you wanted to see if he was right."

"Yeah," he meets my eyes, green gaze intractable. "Can you blame me for wanting to know? I was crazy about you, and I didn't think you'd ever feel the same way."

"Well, what if I hadn't reacted?"

He shrugs. "No harm, no foul."

I close my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. Sweet Jesus, he's trying sometimes. "And what did you expect to happen if I did react?"

"Well, I didn't expect us to fight like we did," he says in a small voice.

"But you expected to hurt me. Rather than just talk to me about it."

Edward inhales sharply. "No, Jazz, I'd never want to hurt you."

"But that's exactly what you did!" I insist. "You did it deliberately! Jesus, Edward, you don't even see that, do you? You kissed Seth, knowin' that you were hopin' that I'd be upset by it. And I was. Mission accomplished."

"Okay, well, when you put it like that, it sounds bad," he hedges, running one hand through damp, unruly hair. "But I didn't see it that way, honest!"

"Why didn't you just fuckin' ask me?" I demand.

"What, and ruin our friendship?" he shoots back. "Yeah, sure. I'd totally do that."

"Well, your little stunt nearly broke us apart anyhow, so what woulda been the difference? Y'know, I was gonna tell you how I felt about you that day in your room before Seth walked in. Notice the 'tell' part in that sentence, Edward. I wasn't gonna just mack on some guy and hope you went home cryin' about it!"

He looks aghast. "You cried?"

"That's not fuckin' important."

"Jazz!"

"Okay, I'm done talkin' about this right now." I sigh, running my hands through my hair and effectively messing up all the work I'd just put in to make it look presentable. "Get dressed for dinner."

"Are you gonna have a go at Seth?" Edward asks with trepidation. "Because if you are, I'm going to cancel."

"No, I'm fuckin' not. I don't care about Seth, Edward. I care that you lied to me."

"I told you that it was just friends messing around, I told you that he wasn't my boyfriend at the time…" he mumbles.

"Yeah, well, whatever."

I flop down onto the unused bed, hugging my arms around myself and staring up at the ceiling. Last night, we were having sex, and tonight, we're fighting. Fanfuckingtastic.

"Jasper…" Edward whispers. "Don't be like this, please? I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Yeah, well, you probably thought you didn't have to, cuz if I found out, I wouldn't say anythin'. Jasper the fuckin' doormat, never speaks up."

"I watched you beat a guy nearly unconscious less than a week ago. I sure as hell don't think you have a problem standing up for something when it really matters."

"And you didn't think this mattered? You didn't think the fact that we spent ten days in total fuckin' misery because of your ridiculous little mind games…"

"Oh, so now I'm ridiculous?" Edward huffs. "Fuck off, Jasper. You don't get to sit on your high horse and judge me, because you said some things that hurt _me_, that night."

"Only cuz you took them the wrong way."

"Well, you didn't fucking clarify, did you?"

"You didn't give me the chance."

"Is this really about the fact that I didn't tell you, or are you just still sore because I kissed Seth?" he asks, and I feel a twinge of guilt in my gut. Truthfully, that is a part of it, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna admit that to him right now.

"D'you think I'm that petty?"

Edward drops his towel, sits on the bed and pulls on his boxer briefs, followed by his jeans. He stands to do up his fly. "I don't know, Jasper, you're holding a grudge for something that happened two months ago."

"Only cuz I just found out about it."

"Are we really going to spend our night fighting with each other?"

Chancing a glance in Edward's direction, I see that he looks all glassy-eyed and crestfallen. Something inside of me tugs painfully at the hurt expression on his face. I hate that look, almost as much as I hate being the cause of it.

I open my mouth to tell him no, and that we should both just let it drop and go out and enjoy New York together, but what comes out instead surprises me. "Have you ever fucked him?"

The glassy look is replaced by astonishment in his jade irises. "Who, Seth?"

"Yeah."

"Why are you even asking me that?"

"That's not a 'no'," I point out. I don't know why I need the answer to be no, but I really fuckin' do. Edward was right about the jealousy thing. It's been festering for a while.

"It's not a 'yes', either," he replies tersely.

"That's still not answering my question."

"Because you've got no fucking right to demand an answer to it. But, for the record, no, I haven't. We're friends. That's it. Are you gonna ask if I've fucked Collin, now? No, I haven't. Or any of the other guys? They're all straight, so that should be an easy answer."

I roll off the bed and get to my feet, angry at his glib attitude. "You're makin' out like it's none of my business."

"Because it isn't!" he says hotly.

"Like hell it's not!"

"Whatever, or whoever, I've done in the past is the past. It's got nothing to do with us, and I'm gonna warn you right now, Jazz, I don't take jealousy well. I'm not your fucking possession."

"Fine," I spit.

He's not done, though. "I mean, God, do I ask you about who you've slept with in the past?"

"That's different."

"How?"

"Because that was before I knew I was gay!"

"So, it doesn't mean anything, that's what you're saying?"

"Exactly."

"And, naturally, because I've slept with some guy in the past, or kissed them, that automatically means that you have to act like a jealous dickhead around them because there's a chance I'll run off with them?" Edward pulls on his t-shirt, scowling at me as his head pokes through the neck.

"I didn't say that!"

"You implied it."

We stare at each other for a minute, our gazes glacial. Neither of us says anything.

"Oh, this is all comin' out wrong…" I despair, sinking back onto the bed and burying my face in my hands. "I dunno what I'm sayin' Ed."

"Well, that's for damn sure. You're a fucking moron, Jasper, if you think that there's any chance that Seth, or anyone else could ever measure up to you in my eyes. It's not fucking possible, even when you are acting like a complete ass."

I peek at him through my fingers, surprised by the quiet conviction in his tone. "Really?"

"Really. I love you. Only you. Always have, always will." He takes a deep breath. "That's why I was willing to kiss Seth, to see if maybe I had a shot with you. I didn't want to hurt you. I honestly didn't. I was just sick of being around you and loving you from afar without ever knowing for sure, because that was killing me. Sex with anyone else pales in comparison to last night, Jasper, and if you don't know that, you're an idiot."

Now I feel like shit for letting the green-eyed monster get the better of me. I look up into a much better, healthier set of green eyes. "I'm sorry for bein' a tool."

"I'm sorry for the Seth mindfuck." He tilts his head. "D'you reckon we can have a civil dinner with him now, without you giving him Medusa glares between courses?"

I nod sheepishly, standing up and making my way over to him. "I kinda unleashed the crazy there, huh?"

Edward smiles warmly in response to my obvious contrition, and takes my hand to tug me closer. "Trying to scare me off?"

"Would it have worked?"

He rests his forehead against mine. "Not a chance."

* * *

We decide to appease Seth and go Mexican for dinner. The place we end up in is tiny, but fuck, do they have the best tacos I've ever tasted. And I live in Texas, where the Mexican food is pretty much all we've got going on.

Leah continues to charm me over dinner, while Edward and Seth speculate about people I've never heard of.

"So, why NYU?" I ask Leah, as we chomp down on tacos. "Edward says you coulda gone Ivy League with your SAT scores."

"I decided against it," she replies, covering her mouth with one hand while she chews. "It just seemed a bit pretentious to me. I don't really care about labels and stuff, and NYU was much more my vibe. I'm not a fan of judgmental people, and Columbia is full of them." She sees my expression, and her eyes widen. "Oh, you know, not bigoted, just academic snobs, mostly. I was raised by a woman who educated herself in the 'school of life'. I'm not big on pomp and ceremony, that's all."

"And NYU is the right fit for you, then?"

"Absolutely. There's a buzz about campus that's really something, you know. Plus, I got accepted onto Tisch, which is amazing. My lit professor was over the moon with me. All in all, I think I'm where I'm supposed to be."

I nod, processing this. Truthfully, the picture Leah's painted of Columbia isn't my ideal, but I'll have to check it out myself and come to my own conclusions.

"What about you?" she asks, taking a sip of her drink. "You thought about a major?"

"History," I answer immediately. "I like lookin' back on the past, figurin' out where stuff went wrong."

"Oh, God, you take part in civil war re-enactments, don't you?" she splutters, laughing.

"It's tradition," I grumble, feeling my face heat up.

"Oh, honey," Leah shakes her head at me in despair. "Between that and your outfit, the big city is going to eat a little country mouse like you alive."

"What's wrong with my outfit?" I protest.

"Well, the roper jeans, the plaid shirt?" Leah cocks an eyebrow at me. "You pull them off, but you need a little more style in your life."

I feel a little insulted, but Leah is effortlessly cool, so I don't question her judgment. "So, like what?"

"We're going shopping tomorrow, Jasper. You and me. Let Edward go catch up with Sethy and Collin. I'm going to dress you like you belong in this city."

Edward perks up at the mention of his name, abandoning his conversation with Seth momentarily. "What's that?"

"Leah's takin' me out tomorrow," I say.

"Out where?"

"It's a surprise," Leah speaks over me before I have a chance to tell him. Edward shoots me a curious look, and I give him an enigmatic smile in return. Let him ponder for a while.

"Eat up, guys," Seth tells us. "We gotta meet the others in, like, twenty minutes."

Oh, yeah.

I forgot about that.

I'm going to a club.

I glance uneasily at Edward again, and he can read the thoughts in my eyes like he's actually picking them out of my brain.

_What the hell is this gonna be like?_ I think.

_You'll love it, _he seems to reassure me.

I'm not convinced. _I don't really do clubs. _

_ Yet. _His eyes seem to say. _But all that is about to change. _

I really don't know what I'm letting myself in for.

* * *

**As you may or may not know, I've started a spin off (a Kate spin-off) called Bleeding Hearts, Silver Linings. There is a hint in here about another spin-off I have in the works. Gold star if you can guess. **

**Clubbing and shopping, next chapter, and the one after that is the wedding!**

**Love,**

**PJ**

**x**


	17. Sixteen: April (Part Six)

**A/N - Hey guys! **

**Sorry it's been such a long time, RL has been pretty damn tough of late. Me and my boyfriend are splitsville, so I've been pretty much hating men for the last few weeks and unable to write anything about happy couples while I wallow in my own anger and self-pity. Hopefully, though, I'm now past it, so it should be business as usual from hereon out. **

**Thanks so much to all you guys who have been ordering me to update! Great to know that you haven't given up on my boys!**

**Hope it's okay!**

* * *

**Sixteen**

_**April (Part Six)**_

* * *

Clubbing.

Dear God. Edward's hand is warm and reassuring in mine as we stand in the queue, surrounded by excitedly chattering people. My fake ID is clutched firmly in my free hand, sweaty as all hell with the nerves that are emanating from me.

At my other side, Leah is puffing away on a cigarette and engaged in what sounds like a fairly frequent argument with her girlfriend.

"Well, stop blowing the stuff all over me, Leah, it's disgusting!"

"Stand downwind then."

"You're gonna end up dying of lung cancer if you keep smoking like that!"

"What are you, my girlfriend or my doctor?" Leah demands, propping one hand on her hip and tossing her hair back in a motion that makes several of the surrounding women stare. Going to a gay club is a total culture shock for me. I didn't even know this many gay people actually existed in one city. They're all young, well-dressed, and… checking me out. A lot.

Edward's grip on my hand tightens slightly, and I turn to find his green gaze narrowed in the direction of a dark-haired guy who is blatantly eyeballing me. I grin to myself, nudging him with my elbow.

"Jealous, Cullen?"

He jumps like he's been electrocuted. "Of what? That twink? Please!" His scoff doesn't quite mask the sour note in his voice, and my grin widens.

"I'm a good-lookin' guy," I whisper, leaning close to his ear. "Quite frankly, I'd be insulted if he wasn't checkin' me out."

He turns to look at me, now, an amused half-smile making his lips curl upwards. "You've said that to me before."

"I know."

"Just leave it the fuck alone, Summer!" Leah snaps loudly, making both Edward and I wince. "You never let me be me!"

Seth, on Edward's other side, cackles under his breath. "Oh, fantastic. It's gonna be one of _those_ nights."

He and Edward share a meaningful look. I glance between the two of them.

"What d'you mean?"

Seth leans around my boyfriend to better be heard, dark eyes flashing with an irritated sort of humor. "My sister and Summer. They're either nice as pie to each other, or it's world war fucking three. Tonight, they seem to be battle ready. You want my advice, Jasper, don't stand too close to them, or else they'll drag you into the middle of it."

Trying to be subtle, I edge closer to Edward. "I really don't wanna get involved."

"If you feel like it's heading that way, love, just excuse yourself to the bar or the bathroom or something, 'kay?" he mutters. I nod.

"Oooh! Guys, look, the queue is moving!" Collin cries, reaching up to whack Seth on the shoulder and get his attention. Seth shoots him a reproachful look, rubbing his arm gingerly.

"Are you on 'roids or something, Col?" he asks. "'Cause your punches hurt like a fucking bitch."

Collin pokes his tongue out in response, and skips forward a few steps. He turns and cranes his head, clearly looking for something behind him. "Hey, where's Eric?"

"Probably trying to hit on a lesbian," Edward and Seth reply in unison, and then snicker at each other. I swallow down the flash of jealousy I feel at their synchronicity, but it's difficult.

_There's nothing going on between them, there's nothing going on between them, there's nothing going on between them…_

"Does he do that a lot?" I ask instead.

Edward shrugs. "Every time we come out to a gay bar. It's like an unachievable fantasy of his. We'd put a stop to it, but it's pretty hilarious watching him try."

The bouncer ushers our group forwards, and we're buffeted into the coat-check room. He barely glances at our ID's, but he does shoot Collin a wink. Collin grins in return and flutters his eyelashes coquettishly.

We hand our jackets over, and head into the room where the music is coming from. Each step closer sends the vibrations of the bass through my sneakers, and my heart does this funny little clenching thing in my chest as the nerves get the better of me for a moment.

"Come on," Edward says softly into my ear, his hand curling around my elbow, and he pulls me through the door as the music swells out to greet us at a volume that's almost deafening.

My jaw drops.

Everywhere I look, under all the flashing strobe lights and multicolored spotlights, are couples. Guys holding each other close and grinding and making out furiously. Women, too. Men in mesh tops and shorts that are so short that they barely count as clothing. Guys lining the walls and the bars, whistling appreciatively at passers-by or tapping their feet in time to the music. Groups of people crowded around booths, clutching drinks and laughing drunkenly.

Seth grabs Edward by the arm and immediately tugs him off in the direction of the bar. I'm about to follow, when a hand on my shoulder stops me.

I turn to find Leah there, her dark eyes bright with amusement at my shell-shocked reaction.

"Welcome to New York City, Tex," she murmurs, lips brushing my ear as she leans close to be heard over the music. "Not like back home, huh?"

"You could say that," I reply faintly, my eyes huge as I glance over the busy dancefloor again. "There's so many people."

"You look like you could use a drink," Leah tells me, and I nod emphatically. I'm not sure if I'm ready to deal with the crowd just yet. I'm just completely overwhelmed.

Taking my hand in hers, Leah tows me over to the bar. Her smile is light and full of encouragement as she pushes past some scantily-clad men to join her brother and my boyfriend, who look like they're arguing good-naturedly about something.

"He did not!" Seth is yelling.

"He totally did! Tell me you did _not_ hook up with him _again_!"

"I didn't!"

"Who are we talking about?" Leah shouts, leaning into the conversation.

"The bartender with the lip piercing," Edward explains, an evil smirk gracing his features. He leans back against the bar on one elbow, green eyes sparkling with mirth. With his pale complexion and tousled hair and tight jeans, he's easily the hottest guy in the whole club. Although, admittedly, I'm kinda biased.

"Oh, you mean the guy Seth hooked up with last week?" Leah enquires.

Edward whirls on Seth, triumphant accusation in his eyes. "Ha! I knew it!"

Seth, meanwhile, is looking pretty sheepish. "Yeah, well, alright."

"I told you he gave you the look! Didn't I tell you? Say it, Sethy. Go on, say it."

"I'm not saying it."

"You will!" Edward prods him in the ribs. "Go on, say it!"

Seth exhales in an angry huff. "Fine. You were right. Happy now?"

"Ooh, I feel all tingly!" Edward crows, looking like the cat that got the goddamn canary. His smug crooked grin, an expression that usually annoys me, is entirely reserved for Seth now, and I can't help but take a perverse pleasure in the way it's making him squirm.

We're served a tray full of shots a few seconds later, and the offending bartender gives Seth another coy smile as he leaves. Seth rolls his eyes at Edward, and downs three shots before he can get another chance to gloat.

Edward presses a shot glass into my hand. "Drink up."

I down a shot, followed by another two. Not to be outdone, Edward follows suit.

It doesn't take long until I'm officially trashed. Keeping up with Edward's friends is a task my liver isn't really prepared for, and as the fourth tray of shots is set down in the booth we've claimed, I reach for one with eyes that are way too bright with intoxication.

Edward leans close, his breath hot on my neck. "You're wasted, Jazz."

"Yeah, so's your mom," Seth yells, clinking my shot glass with his own. "Who cares? Down it, Jasper!"

I grin and comply, though the movement isn't exactly one of my more coordinated ones. Then, because Edward's still looking at me with that half-amused, half-concerned expression on his face, I lean over and press my lips against his.

He tastes like salt and tequila. Or maybe that's me. Either way, it doesn't take long for him to give in and return my kiss with nearly as much drunken enthusiasm. I know he's loving this, me being so open with him in public, kissing him without flinching or glancing around or feeling as though I need to watch our backs constantly.

"Jeez, get a room!" Summer laughs loudly, when neither of us show any signs of coming up for air at any point.

I take this as a cue to pull away, but Edward's hand slides into my curls, holding my head firmly in place. I crack open one eye and glance sideways just in time to see him flipping Summer off.

"_I _think they're cute," Leah declares to nobody in particular, words slurring together slightly.

"I think they're making me horny," Seth says cheerfully.

I break away from Edward at this, blinking at Seth in surprise. He shrugs unapologetically, throws back another shot, and then stands and disappears into the crowd. Edward leans his head on my shoulder, catching his breath. A second later, Seth's vacated seat is taken by Collin.

He reaches for a shot. "Oh my God, you would not believe what some guy just said to Eric!" he gushes, a flush across his cheekbones. "I've never seen the boy look so scared in my life! He's going to be having nightmares for weeks!"

Everyone, bar me, snickers at this.

"That'll teach him for going on the prowl for straight women unchaperoned," Leah says sagely.

I jump slightly when Edward's lips brush against my throat, fighting a shiver. He grins at my reaction, and begins to trail a series of light kisses along my neck, tracing a line all the way up to the corner of my jaw and back down again.

"Wanna dance?" he murmurs.

I'm not really much of a dancer, but then, his lips on my neck are thoroughly arousing, and I really don't want to pass up the opportunity to be a bit closer to him, so I nod in the affirmative and he seizes my hand.

We're swallowed up in the crowd as soon as we step onto the dancefloor, and there's something really freeing about the anonymity. No second glances. No sneering looks. Edward winds his arms around my neck and presses the entire length of his body against my own. He's hard as a rock, and thanks to his assault on my throat, he's not the only one. He groans softly in my ear when I pull his hips tighter against me, moving in time to the music.

"I want you so bad right now," he growls, and I sigh breathily.

We 'dance' – because, really, it's just shameless grinding – for a couple of songs, until neither of us can breathe in anything other than short, labored pants of arousal. I press my lips to his cheek, damp with sweat.

"Fuck, Edward, how much longer have we gotta stay before we can bail and go back to the hotel?"

He pulls back slightly to grin at me. "Fuck it. We'll leave now."

The words are music to my ears.

I lean closer to kiss him soundly on the mouth, and a couple of guys nearby turn to look. Not, as I'm used to, with judgment, but with blatant jealousy. They wish they were as lucky as me. As if to prove a point, I steal another kiss from him.

Edward heads off back to the table just ahead of me to tell the others that we're going, but we lose each other for a moment in the crowd.

It's only then that I notice that it isn't just Edward that people are eyeing appreciatively.

It's me.

I'm being ogled everywhere I look. And, to my surprise, I'm kind of enjoying the attention. It might just be my drunkenness, but I find myself grinning back at the guys smiling my way. One of them catches me by the arm as I pass, halting my progress.

"Hey, handsome, how 'bout a dance?" he yells in my ear.

"Sorry, I'm leavin'. With my boyfriend."

The guy releases me, but he looks kinda disappointed. I'm used to women hitting on me – guys doing it is something entirely new. It's foreign, and different, but it doesn't freak me out at all. I really have changed in the last few months.

When I reach the table, it's to find a new face standing by the booth, a guy with sandy-blond hair and a wicked sort of smile. He's clearly been hitting the gym hard the last few years, and the way he's leaning against the padded bench with his arms crossed tightly over his chest only serves to accentuate it.

He's dressed like someone from the wrong side of the tracks, but it looks good on him.

And he's talking to _my_ boyfriend.

I make my way over, schooling my expression into forced neutrality. "Hey."

Edward's eyes snap up to my face, and I'm surprised by the relief I see reflected in them. "Jasper! There you are!" He turns back to the new guy. "This is Jasper."

The way he says my name to the stranger… it's like the guy should know who I am. Like they've been speaking about me.

The new guy turns to face me, and even under the fluorescent lights I can tell that his eyes are blue. He gives me a dangerous sort of smile and holds out one hand.

"Jasper. Nice to meet you. I'm James."

I take his hand, shaking it once. His grip is anything but friendly – it's like my hand has offended him in some way. "Yeah, likewise."

"You're Edward's latest boyfriend?" he asks, and something about the way he says 'latest' – or perhaps the ironic curve of his smile – pisses me off.

"Yeah, I'm Edward's boyfriend." I flash him a grin of my own. "And you are?"

"The newest ex," he responds lightly. My whole body stiffens at that. This is Edward's ex-boyfriend?

He's blond, with blue eyes. Like me. Lean muscled and broad shouldered, like me.

Guess Edward has a type.

Fuck.

"Oh?" I work to keep my voice cool and disinterested, even though I'm anything but. Everyone else at the table can't take their eyes off the pair of us as we face off. Seth looks like he's kind of entertained. Leah looks like she'd jump in on Team Jasper in the event of a fight.

I appreciate that.

"Yeah. Was just saying that it would be nice to catch up again while he's in town," James says, flashing Edward a smile. Edward's answering one is more of a tentative grimace. He's watching me closely, like he's scared I'm gonna lose my shit or something.

Wow, do I really come off as the psychotic jealous type? Maybe it's residual nerves over my Seth freak-out.

Although, I really do kinda want to punch the smirk off James's face. I mean, he's not even that good-looking, so it's not like a broken nose wouldn't improve his appearance.

Alright, well, he is actually pretty hot.

Motherfucker.

"Yeah, well, I dunno. Our schedule is kinda packed," I say, in a tone that clearly indicates my feelings on the idea of them meeting up. Edward slides out of the booth to stand at my side.

"Uh-huh. Sure." He angles himself away from me in a way that's clearly meant to be a dismissal, and instead fixes Edward with another cocky grin. "Text me if you clear your schedule for a couple of hours?"

"I made sure that I lost your number," Edward replies tersely. "Somewhere around the time that you hooked up with that art dealer guy. And I'm spending the week with my boyfriend. Sorry. Have fun tonight, though."

And, with an uncharacteristically sweet smile on his face, he turns on one heel and laces his fingers through mine. The grin slides right off James's face. My inner-self breaks out into a victory dance.

"Can we go, Jazz?" Edward breathes. "I'll throw up if I have to look at his smarmy face for another second."

He doesn't need to tell me twice. I give the others a goodbye wave and wrap my hand more securely around Edward's. Without another glance back in James's direction, I lead my boyfriend out of the club.

* * *

"So, he's your ex, huh?"

I'm lying back on our bed, watching as Edward fumbles drunkenly with his belt buckle in a thus-far unsuccessful attempt to unfasten it. He pauses in his antics to fix me with a suspicious look.

"Yeah, so?"

"So nothin'. I'm just askin' is all."

"Yeah, he's my ex." He sighs, running one hand through his unruly hair. "Unfortunately. He's a total ass. I have no idea what I ever saw in him."

"He looks kinda like me," I point out. Edward's glare intensifies.

"He looks fucking nothing like you. You, babe, are the single hottest guy on the face of the Earth. He's a passably attractive dickhead with similar coloring. That's all."

"You've got a thing for blonds, accordin' to Alice. How do I know that I ain't just another guy in a long line?"

"Are you actually trying to…" he breaks off upon seeing the amused smirk plastered across my face. "Oh, I get it. You're baiting me. Cute."

I laugh. "Sorry, darlin', but it's just so easy sometimes."

"I honestly thought you were about to get jealous, there," Edward mumbles, finally pulling his belt free and stepping out of his jeans. He shrugs his t-shirt off, kicking off his boxers at the same time and nearly falling on his ass when his inebriated brain can't cope with the multi-tasking. He rights himself just in time to catch the pajama pants I helpfully toss his way, and tugs them on.

"What happened?" I ask, as he crawls into bed beside me.

"Huh?"

"With James. Why did you guys break up?"

"Oh." Edward sighs. "Um, well, he cheated on me. Well, I suppose he didn't cheat exactly. We were broken up after a stupid fight, for exactly two hours, and he jumped into bed with some guy."

"Two hours?"

"Maybe two and a half," he allows. "Some mourning period, right?"

I scoff. "How did you find out?"

"I went over to his the next morning to apologize, and the other guy answered the door."

My hand finds his under the duvet, and I thread my fingers through his. He squeezes my palm in wordless thanks.

"You know I'd never treat you like that, right?"

"I know, Jazz." He pauses. "Truthfully, though, he did me a huge favor. Now, I have you."

I lean across the pillows to kiss him. When I pull back, he's grinning like a goddamn idiot.

"What'cha smilin' at, Cullen?"

"Just this guy. Kind of cute. Answers to 'Jasper'."

I laugh. The room is doing that tilting thing it does when I've had way too much to drink, but even with my blurry vision, I can still see the brilliance of Edward's green eyes and his wide smile. He warms me from the inside out.

"Wanna have sex?"

Edward arches an eyebrow. "Ooh, Jasper, please stop, the romance is too intense!"

I chuckle again, burying my nose into the crook of his neck. "When do I get to stop wooing you?"

"Not 'til you're a hundred years old," he responds promptly.

"Will you still love me when I'm old and wrinkly with a beer belly and a bald patch?" It's meant as a joke, but I'm actually genuinely curious to hear his answer. I raise myself up onto my elbows, peeking down at him through my lashes. He grins beatifically.

"I love a man with a beer belly. Have I never told you that?"

"And the bald patch?"

"Totally dreamy."

Unable to resist, I lean down and press another kiss to his lips. When we break apart, I lean my forehead against his. "I fuckin' love you."

He arches up, recapturing my mouth with his own, and I instantly deepen the kiss. His tongue is exploring my mouth, metal stud clacking against my teeth, and he tugs me down so that I'm lying flush against him. I moan softly, deep in my throat, as his hand slips down between us to palm my crotch through my sleep pants.

"Shit, Edward…"

"Mmm. Shut up." His teeth nip at my bottom lip, and I shudder at the sensation. "I'm going to…"

But whatever he was going to do, I don't find out, because at that moment, someone knocks loudly on our door.

"Son of a bitch!" I hiss, tearing myself away from him and rolling over until I'm sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Talk about coitus interuptus," Edward grumbles. He raises his voice, and hollers in the direction of the door a surly "What?!"

"Boys?"

We both freeze when we recognize Esme's voice. I scrub one hand down my face, hoping fervently that the aroused flush on my cheeks isn't too obvious, before readjusting myself and making my way over to the door.

When I open it, Esme is standing there, wrapped in her lavender silk robe and holding the hand of a tousle-haired and very sleepy Maggie.

Maggie blinks up at me blearily with her wide gray eyes, tugging on the hem of her My Little Pony pajama top. "Hi, Jasper."

"Hey, princess."

"Mom, what's up?" Edward appears at my shoulder, shooting a questioning glance at his mother. He looks more than a little annoyed at the interruption.

"Teddy, could you boys do us a favor and watch Maggie for a while? I know it's late, and I know you were out at that club, but your father and I are supposed to be meeting some friends for a drink down in the hotel bar, and we completely forgot."

"Who meets people for drinks at three in the morning?" Edward demands, looking scandalized.

"Of course we will," I say quickly, shooting him a reproachful look. "C'mere, princess, let's get you tucked into bed, huh?"

Maggie holds out her arms for me, and I bend down to scoop her up. I'm eternally grateful that I seem to have sobered up slightly. I carry her over to the bed, arms clinging tightly to my neck, and set her down gently.

Not paying attention to Edward and his mother's conversation, I stroke back a few bronze curls from his little sister's face.

"You enjoyin' New York, cutie?"

She nods groggily. "Yeah. We went to the zoo today and saw all the aminals like before."

"Did you? What animals did you see?"

"A zebra, and a lion, and there was a big bear in a cage…" she trails off, yawning. And then, amazingly, like someone has just reached inside her and taken out her batteries, she falls asleep. Mid-sentence.

It must be great to be a kid.

I glance up to find Edward leaning against the door to close it, looking thunderous.

"I can't believe her!"

"Edward, ssh. Maggie's sleepin'."

He scowls, but lowers his voice. "Yeah, I know. In _our_ bed. When she's not supposed to be. And I mean, seriously, who goes to meet friends at three am?"

I raise my eyebrows coolly. "For real? You actually bought that story?"

"You didn't?"

"They're probably… ah, y'know what? They're your parents, man. I'm not gonna argue."

Edward seems to read between the lines of my awkward explanation. "Ew! You think they dumped her in here so that they could have sex?"

"It _is_ their vacation, too."

"Ugh!" Edward shudders from head to toe, making me laugh softly under my breath. Maggie pitches over on the bed, her face nuzzled into my pillow. "How selfish. And vile."

"Who says 'vile' these days?"

"Me." A fleeting grin flits across his face, green eyes sparkling wickedly. "My mom is such a cockblock, you know."

"Yeah," I sigh, more than a little wistfully. I'd been so hoping to get some action tonight. I chance another glance at Maggie. She just looks so damn adorable all curled up under the duvet that it's difficult to stay pissed off for long. With another sigh, this time of resignation, I pull back the covers again and slide in beside her. "C'mon, Edward. I guess it's sleep time."

He rolls his eyes skywards, but pads over to the bed and climbs in on his own side. His fingers seek mine out under the covers, twining around my knuckles. I squeeze his palm lightly.

"Night, baby."

"Goodnight, love."

Maggie stirs, eyes cracking open sleepily. "Night-night, Teddy. Night-night, Jasper. I love you both lots and lots."

And, just like that, any residual resentment melts away altogether.

* * *

The ringer on my cell phone is what rouses me from sleep. With a groan, I roll over, groping blindly for my phone on the nightstand. When my fingers finally close around it, I tap the screen and slap it against my ear.

"'Lo?"

"Morning, Tex. It's Leah."

"'Course it is," I grumble. "What time is it?"

"Nine-fifteen."

"Evil dyke."

She cackles loudly down the phone, causing me to wince. "Well, aren't you a charmer in the morning? Bitchiest queen on this island."

"Please tell me that you're not actually expectin' me to shop at this time?"

"You bet your sweet little farm boy ass I am. Get yourself up and showered, I'll be at your hotel in twenty minutes."

She clicks off, disconnecting the call without waiting for an answer. I groan again, and a deep chuckle comes from my right.

"Leah?"

"Yup."

"She on her way now?"

"Yup."

"I should've warned you about that."

"Too little, too late, Cullen." I open my eyes properly, and have to blink a few times to get used to the glaring whiteness of the suite. When I do, I immediately notice the little person curled into my side, snoring her head off. "Aw, look. Maggie's still here."

"Yeah." Edward still sounds kinda bitter. "I hope Mom and Dad are making the most of their time alone."

I grin. "I'm sure they are."

"Ew."

Flinging back the covers, I roll off the bed. "I'm goin' for a shower."

"Want company?"

"Not while your sister is still in our suite, no."

"My family is conspiring against me," Edward says theatrically, flinging one arm over his eyes and flopping back down onto the pillow, which he had just risen from hopefully a second beforehand.

"Don't be so dramatic. It was one night."

"And that had better be all."

"Just think… I'll come back from my shoppin' trip with Leah with a whole bunch of new clothes to model for ya."

"Ooh, like a runway show?" Edward's eyes light up at the prospect. "Will there be underwear? No, wait – can it be an interactive thing? Do I get to undress the model?"

I wink. "If you're a good boy."

As I disappear into the bathroom, I hear Edward calling out from behind me, "I promise, I'll be on my best behavior!"

I'm still snickering as I step into the shower.

* * *

**The Leah-shopping-part got very, very long, so I decided to make it a chapter of it's very own, which shall be fit for viewing either later tonight or tomorrow. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Kisses,**

**PJ**

**x**


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